Ouch… that’s hot!

Well, what else could it be? Hmm, knowing Silhouette, it’s one of three things: 1) they were high school sweethearts, but her father didn’t approve of him because he was a bad boy, so he left town, but before he did, they had one “special night” together, and one day, he came back rich and she has never told him that they have a child together; 2) she’s a single mother who was once married to a man who stifled her “personality”, but now she owns a floundering business that is suddenly revived by an influx of capital and he won’t tell her that he’s the new investor; 3) she’s always been in love with this guy who has never paid attention to her, but one day, he starts looking at her like she’s a big bowl of Rocky Road ice cream, but what he is not telling her is that he is not who she thinks he is: he is the “bad boy” twin!

In any case, he’s leaning over her with a look on his face like he wants to eat her brains, but she’s looking listlessly over his shoulder like she’s wishing she’s somewhere else. Does he have halitosis? And that tank top/dress she’s wearing? Hurts my eyes.

Can these titles be more obvious? I mean, honestly! It’s called subtlety, people! When I first saw this cover, I thought, “Aww, that’s kind of cute, two people cuddling”, but I look down at girl’s stomach and I’m thinking, “Her shirt is bunched up in a way that makes her look pregna–” Wait a minute, she IS pregnant! That’s why she needs a husband–fast! But why? Does she live in a small town of small-minded people who’ll bury her in the ground to the neck and throw rocks at her head if they find out she’s pregnant… and unwed? The way she is sitting also makes her torso look disproportionately long compared to her itty bitty short legs. And what’s with the paint job of the background? It looks like Martha Stewart threw up on it after one too many jailhouse daquiris.

From McSweeneys.net:

TRENT, FROM SWINGERS, PERFORMS AN EXORCISM.
BY ADAM J. SILVER
- - - -

Baby, this is money. I’m swaying my big bear claws and dousing my magic demon potion on a brutal-looking baby who likes to party. She’s just like this green goblin, and I’ve got her tied to the bedposts. I’m looking at my pagan potion and I’m thinking to myself, “How do I kill this goblin?”

Her head is doing twirlie-whirlies and she’s smiling at how money I am. You know it’s not so much me as it is the priestly garb I’m wearing. She’s a freaky baby that is digging the outfit. I’m performing an exorcism in Georgetown, so guys like me gotta kick it old-school. And if that means I gotta wear all black with a touch of white, then so be it.

Fuck me, you say? Ahh-hahaha-ha-ha, you’re right you want to fuck me, baby. Oh, you wanna play devil-worshiper games? We can play devil-worshiper games. I can be Damien. Look at this face. OK, this is your little mischievous, trouble-making Damien. Watch me pout. See this face? It’s hurt, but it’s not really hurt. It’s thinking devious thoughts. It’s thinking about deviant things to do to your filthy potty mouth.

My mother is a cocksucker ass-eating whore? I don’t think you’re qualified to be making those kind of observations, darling. No, I don’t think you are. But here, take some more evil-cleansing potion, baby.

I’m doing my thing with the thing and whoa … some kind of crazy devil-baby force pushes me through a window and I’m tumbling down this steep slope of steps. OK, fine, I’m the asshole? Yeah? I would never party with a demon child anyway. I’m out.

I read this book a long time ago. This is the one about Clayton and Stephen’s ancestor. I can honestly say that I don’t remember a damned thing about it. But this is a strange cover. I mean, it doesn’t look like a usual Judith McNaught cover with flowers and castles and shit. This girl looks like one of those Disney heroines who is kind to animals, an expert herbalist, hangs out with the help in the kitchen, and is absolutely ignorant about sex, but on her first night with the hero, exhibits sexual skills that would shame a Thai hooker. And I don’t know why she stole the drapes from the castle windows, but maybe it was cold and the hero was punishing her and wouldn’t build a fire for her. Also, I’m not quite sure what it is she is holding to her face, but it looks like a cat. Only the cat doesn’t have a body, only fur and a tail and… OH MY GOD, that’s not a cat. It’s the fur of an animal of some kind, probably a cat. What, she’s cold, alright? Anyway, she also looks elvish. Actually, no, she looks like one of those girls who dress up as a medieval elf for the Comic Con hoping to attract dudes dressed up as Legolas.