This poor sucker… Look at him, gazing at this chick in the red dress like she’s the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and would like nothing more than to lay her in a bathtub of a lavender bubble bath and rose petals while some sparkling bubbly chilled in an ice bucket nearby. He looks like the hot black dude in a Janet Jackson (before she went craaaazy) video or a Toni Braxton video, perhaps “You’re Making Me High”. He totally wouldn’t be out of place in the “I’ll Make Love To You” video by Boyz II Men as a stand-in for one of the Boyz ’cause they’re all ugly and none of the models want to make out with them.
Too bad the chick is a praying mantis who’ll bite his head off after they’re done fizznuckin’! Look at how spindly her elbows are! Check out how oddly shaped her legs are and how far apart they are! How is she even able to stand up without falling flat on her butt? Speaking of butts, where is hers? And isn’t her ponytail just a little bit too tight? It’s totally giving her an unintentional face-lift. She almost looks like Morgan Fairchild.
This cover totally reminds me of that episode of Buffy where Xander falls in love with a substitute teacher and the teacher tells him to come over after school and Xander thinks he’s going to get some, but the teacher turns out to be a giant praying mantis.
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October 3, 2005
Covers