Mermaids… fucking mermaids, dude. I thought “secret baby” plots, “one special night with my one true lurve” plots, “secret baby after one special night with my one true lurve who just happens to be a Navy Seal-Sheriff-Hardened-City- Detective-Cynical-CEO” plots are all that Harlequin is all about. Spank my ass and call me Susan, but I didn’t know that Harlequin authors ever wrote about frickin’ mermaids, for God’s sake! That’s fucking awesome. I almost want to go to Thriftbooks and buy both of these books. I would, too, if I had the money, but I just paid tuition and am afraid that I’m destitute until I sell some platelets again. This starving-student-writer thing is just not very profitable. I mean, it’s all noble and shit, but I’m so broke sometimes that I’m sure Tim cries inside every time he writes me a check to put into my bank account so that the checks I write don’t bounce (he considers himself a “patron of the arts”).

But enough about my sad ass life. What’s going on with these covers, people? I’m completely and totally amazed that the hair of the male model in the first cover is not at all messed up considering that he is supposed to be under water! That must be one hell of a gel that he used on it. Where does a mermaid go for a haircut underwater anyway? Is there a Fantastic Sam’s down there? And how do they have sex? I once read this really awesome P.C. Cast book where the heroine turns into a mermaid and her love interest was a merman and one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, they’re getting busy on some rock like a couple of horny dolphins (there’s a slit where the boy’s peepee… you know what? Never mind. Read it yourself.). Anyway, I wonder where he’s taking her? I hope that wherever it is, there’s a furnace, so he can burn that awful dress!

As for the second mermaid cover… who is the mermaid? Are they both mermaids? At least on this one, the male model’s hair is “realistically” messed up. But it really looks more wind-blown, doesn’t it? And what’s with his girlfriend’s stupid dress? Why is she dressed like Vanna White? And since her dress is so damned white and she’s supposed to be underwater, why can’t I see her nipples (I blew this thing up, dude. No nipples.)? And with the way that he’s got his hand over her stomach, I bet this bitch is already pregnant. Damn mermaids… haven’t they heard of safe sex?

Covers courtesy of the Delicious Amber.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 27th, 2005 at 11:41 pm and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.