The Extremely Funny Robyn says:

I can’t stand those “kids pimp their mom” books. An older teen might have a clue as to what mom needs, but that little brat? Totally thinking, “Yeah! Mom marries a cop and he’ll cover for me! I’ll never be arrested! I’ll be set for life!”

Huh. When I first saw this cover, I thought, “This little bastard is thinking, ‘Great, now that mom has the sucker occupied, I can take his cruiser for a test drive!” I bet this kid fries ants under a magnifying glass and lets out the air in his neighbor’s tires. He certainly looks evil. Or I just plain hate kids and don’t trust the little smirk on his face.

I can just hear the inevitable “I can never replace your father, but I would like to be your friend” speech from the sucker cop when the little bastard decides that having a cop for a step-dad is not cool and starts acting out.

Thanks to the frickin’ awesome Amber for the cover!

Check it out… it’s doctor-harassing-nurses time! I swear to God, medical romance novels want us to believe that all doctors and nurses do in hospitals is neglect their patients and fuck each other. It’s always the guy who’s the doctor, too, and the nurse is always a woman. Why can’t we have one where the woman is the doctor (and totally top) and the man is the nurse (and totally bottom)? That would be hot, seriously! I don’t know how any of these people get any work done when all they do all day is pull each other into empty rooms (or a coma patient’s room) and shag to their heart’s content! And check it out, the cover art guys thoughtfully included a picture of their wedding day! THANKS FOR RUINING THE ENDING, ASSHOLES. Oh, wait, are they already married when the story opens? Is this one of those books where the woman’s husband is a doctor, but he’s fucking all the nurses in the hospital where he works, and so she consoles herself by fucking her husband’s doctor best friend? Wow… how soap opera-ish!

And check this other one out. Most Eligible M.D. for what? A sexual harassment lawsuit? Look how skeezy he looks, in his “lucky” sweater and mug o’Courvoisier, with that date-rapist-on-a-mission look on his face. He looks like Willem Dafoe’s creepy brother! Like if Willem Dafoe was Ron Howard, then this dude is Clint Howard! I just can’t get over how creepy he looks, lounging by the fire, posing for the poor nurse he’s got tied up and gagged in the corner. I can’t even imagine how many sexual harassment suits this guy has against him. Whenever he’s coming around the corner, all the nurses suddenly pretend to be busy, or hide in a closet, and according to romance novels and hentai porn, those bitches would fuck anyone! Jesus, this guy creeps me out.

Thanks to the sizzlin’ Amber for these covers!

Dr. Simon Tam

Oh, hey… this can be a fun game. If by “wild” and “young”, you mean “old” and “kind of fug”. Who are they kidding? That female cover model isn’t young! She’s at least fifty, if a day, especially with that nasty soccer-mom hair. In fact, the young man giving her a piggy back looks young enough to be her kid. A “virgin bride”? Oh, please, bitch hasn’t been a virgin since the Crusades! In fact, I met Frank Sinatra once and he told me that this woman is a hundred and thirty seven years old (that one’s for you, Tim)! Okay, I’ve never met no Frank Sinatra, but this lady is old. Maybe the reason her son is carrying her is because she broke her pelvis and he’s rushing her to the hospital. In that case, he’s carrying her the wrong way, man.

Thanks to Amber for the cover!