Dear Scott,

I’m not going to lie to you. Your latest movie sucked. In fact, we almost fell asleep watching it (Tim, Ann, and I). It was so bad that we actually cheered when the credits rolled. Your acting was SO HORRIBLE that when you got impaled by that rusty pipe, Tim actually shot up from his seat and whooped with joy. The audience clapped with appreciation. I, on the other hand, cringed and winced in pain for you. You were so cute and talented in Felicity, but now I’m starting to wonder if you were just really good at it because the part of Ben was specifically written for you, and ergo was not much of a stretch. I will admit that I wasn’t expecting Oscar-caliber from this movie, considering that the first one sucked monkey balls, but I was really hoping that this time, you’d… have more lines or something. Instead, you just stood around and looked pretty (really pretty), like the awkward, useless girlfriend in these movies… and then Ms. Beckinsale saved your ass a lot. Thank God you got nekkid. That was sweet.

Tim, on the other hand, was just hoping to see Ms. Beckinsale’s bare titties.

I was actually considering dumping you for McDreamy, but… I’m gonna go ahead and give you a second chance.

Because I heard you have a giant schlong.

Love,
Bam

This entry was posted on Monday, January 23rd, 2006 at 3:10 pm and is filed under Studmuffins. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.