I think this is why when you go to a gynecologist and he is a male, there has to be a female nurse in the room. Kind of like a check and balance for a potential perv. Back in the day, if you were attractive and your male gynecologist found you attractive, he would have just gone for broke and made love to you right there… I’m just making this shit up. But I do know that when your gynecologist is male, a female nurse has to be there to “assist” or something. Oh, wait… “down under” like Australia? Ohhh… I’m so embarassed. I thought they meant… um… never mind.

Anyway, what’s wrong with this woman’s torso? Her ribcage is so wide that it looks like an umbrella for her boyishly narrow hips. Yes, yes, I know that it looks that way because she’s got an giant yellow shirt tucked into her skirt and cinched at the waist in a way that she can’t possibly breathe. Also, why does it look like she has twisted off her head and is about to lift it off of her neck? This is just a weird pose all around. I can’t even tell if the airplane mechanic, who is wearing a doctor’s lab coat for some reason, is checking out her ass or her spindly ass elbows.

Hmm… I bet he hunts poon and uses a poonhound to do it. Oh, I’m so bad. Doesn’t he kind of look like Christopher Knight who played Peter Brady on the Brady Bunch? Dude, how creepy is it that Peter Brady is so desperate for poon that he’d even tag an ANTM chick? That’s just sad. I mean, she’s hot and all, but… anyway, I’ve lost my train of thought.

Oh… why does the blond girl sitting behind him look all freaked out like she’s afraid that he’s going to turn around and see her? I bet it’s because he’s the kind of freak who buys women drinks in bars and expects them to pay him back and leers at them and says shit like, “I think we can work something out”. He also reminds me of that creepy dude from 18 Again where he plays George Burns‘ grandson and they switch bodies, so he’s like this dirty old man who is in an 18 year old boy’s body. Not that this guy looks 18 or anything. I’m just sayin’.

What the hell is a “Spanish consultant”? Is that a consultant who is Spanish or someone who you can consult regarding Spanish (like a Spanish tutor)? This guy looks like a doctor to me, unless he’s one of those sickos who pretends he’s a doctor by carrying around a stethoscope just so he can fondle half-naked babies or something. Do they call doctors “consultants” on the other side of the pond? I thought they called them GPs or something. What’s the word, Spikedru?

Look at the baby. He’s either laughing at the tool holding him or at the ridiculous title. Someday, I hope to read a book called The Proctologist’s Baby. ‘Cause that would be funny. Or sad, I guess. Hey, Robyn, how about The Gravedigger’s Baby? Or the Guy Who Cleans The Porta-Potties’ Baby? Or the Chilean Ambassador’s Baby? Or The Nature Showhost Guy’s Baby?

Sometimes, the title alone does the snarking for me. “I do, but here’s the catch”? Oh, come on! We all know what the catch is and that catch is that our heroine is actually the hero. Look at how much meatier and bigger her frame is compared to our so-called hero! I bet she’s got her head tilted down like that because she’s trying to hide her Adam’s apple. In fact, if the so-called hero’s chest weren’t bare, I would have thought that she was just a heroine with a very small chest. Just check out the coy way he’s holding his head, like he’s shy, but excited that the “heroine” is taking off his shirt. He’s all, “no, no, don’t… oh, yes please… continue”. So gross. He’s just so damned skinny compared to her… all lithe and fragile like a baby bird or something. With the heroine’s flowing raven hair and the confident way she’s holding up the “hero”, I’d say she’s doing a good job of being the guy in this picture, huh?

Thanks to Amber for the cover!

Grade: B-

Technically, there is nothing wrong with this story. There is sufficient sexual tension between the two leads, the dialogue is fast and quick, and the heroine isn’t too much of a ninny. But if you’ve read at least fifteen to twenty romance novels based in Regency/Victorian England, then you can pretty much call every play and plot twist two hundred pages ahead of Ms. Coughlin. In fact, I can remember one or two books in recent memory where this same plot was also utilized. I can’t remember either titles, but one was about some “hoyden” of a society miss who marries a dying soldier, so she can become a widow and free herself from the social constraints of an unmarried woman. Much to her consternation, however, the man recovers from his dreadful illness and comes a callin’ soon enough to claim his bride. The other was about an English lord in Portugal or some such place who marries a dying woman—I forget why, but I’m sure it had something to do with some wacky relative’s last will and testament or something—but a few months down the road, while he’s supposedly mourning his bride, the healthy and hearty gal shows up, demanding her conjugal rights or some such silly thing. In short, while reading this book, you’ll probably experience a sense of déjà vu like you’ve read this shit before, but it’s really not bad, and even if it’s a rethread of at least thirty historical romances that’s ever been written, it was a fun read.
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