A reader, who would to remain anonymous because she doesn’t want to be associated with my site–kidding!–sent this cover to me and frankly, I don’t know what to say about it. My brain tells me that it’s supposed to be sexy, but my eyes don’t want to make sense of it. First of all, the red-haired female has… are you ready for this? A mullet. Check it out, that’s a full-pledged mullet right there. Business in the front, party in the back. She looks like a cross between a deranged, hick-ified Enya and Joe Dirt. I’m serious. And take a look at one of her hands there, the one touching the pillar. Doesn’t it look like she’s got webbing in between the fingers? Man, that’s what happens when you live in the Highlands and you have a really small… uh… fiefdom? And you’re forced to have sex with your kinfolk to procreate. Eww. The distracting MS Word font that I can’t quite recognize is blocking the lower half of the picture, but I think she’s rubbing her crotch against the dude’s chest. Methinks she’s got a case of crotch rot. Yeah, I’ve heard of those hippy chicks who’s all about the earth and worshipping trees and stuff but are not really fond of showers. And is homeboy really kneeling on the forest floor there? Ugh, I shudder to think of the sharp rocks cutting into his poor knees. A male model has to take care of his body, you know! Do you think he’s wearing knee pads? I bet you five bucks he is! Which reminds me, why are their feet blurred up like they’re censored? Do they have nipples for toes?

Thanks for this cover, Anonymous!

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