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Is it Time for My Close-Up?

How come Loretta Chase gets the suckiest covers? She’s a widely respected writer, writes pretty damned good books at that, and has a very loyal fanbase… and yet her publishers keep slapping her with covers featuring some vapid pretty boy with a blank look in his eyes. This guy looks mesmerized, as though just over the photographer’s shoulder is a big pile of pure Colombian coke just waiting to be snorted up his nose. I’m sure this book is brilliant and all, much like most of Loretta Chase’s books, but I can’t read this damn thing on the bus! The last thing I need is some pretentious writing major telling me that I should have better things to do with my time than read a “trashy romance novel”. I mean, by looking at this cover, can you tell that it’s going to be about this: “When the intriguing Comte d’Esmond enters a room, women swoon and men gnash their teeth. The count is fully accustomed to this reaction—and brilliant at exploiting it… What he isn’t prepared for is Leila Beaumont. One look from her tawny eyes is dangerously captivating…”? I’m not a man and I’m gnashing my teeth. Mostly because this cover is awful… just awful! If I weren’t a seasoned romance reader, do you know what I would think this book would be about? A vapid pretty boy who’d do anything for a gram of coke… and I mean anything.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 at 11:24 pm and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

10 Responses to “Is it Time for My Close-Up?”

  1. Robyn
    Posted: Apr 27th, 2006 at 7:13 am
    1

    I’m assuming this is a historical. Why does Coke Addict have a Marine buzzcut?

  2. Bam
    Posted: Apr 27th, 2006 at 7:32 am
    2

    Good question. I have no answer to that.

  3. web
    Posted: Apr 27th, 2006 at 8:32 am
    3

    Maybe that weird bulge in his shirt is where he’s hiding the coke?

  4. Bam
    Posted: Apr 27th, 2006 at 1:16 pm
    4

    Oh, Web, no. That’s just man-titty.

  5. Ann
    Posted: May 10th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
    5

    Shut up. He’s hot.

  6. Bam
    Posted: May 10th, 2006 at 11:29 pm
    6

    Dude, my bald-headed granny–fifteen years dead now, God rest her soul–is hotter than this dead-eyed himbo.

  7. Ann
    Posted: May 10th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
    7

    His eyes aren’t dead. They are piercing.
    Sexy hot piercing. I like the five o’clock shadow too.

    See, the trick is to scroll up a bit so you don’t see his weird military haircut.

    You might have military man issues. I’m just saying. Coz he’s hot, and if you can’t see that, well, I don’t know how to help you.

  8. Bam
    Posted: May 11th, 2006 at 12:05 am
    8

    I used to date this hot Navy pilot and one day, as we were walking in the mall, I hear this shrieking banshee voice screaming “WHOOOORE!”

    It was his wife.

    I don’t have issues with military men, why do you ask?

  9. Ann
    Posted: May 11th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
    9

    Hahahaha. I just got diet coke up my nose. It hurted.

    My recently divorced sister wrote me that she met an Army guy on match.com who she liked bunches.

    I wrote back, “Aw, honey, he’s married. All military guys are married.”

    Was I right?

    Of course.

  10. Bam
    Posted: May 11th, 2006 at 6:27 pm
    10

    I just realized that the haircut he’s sporting is worst than a military haircut.

    It’s a MULLET! Business up front, party in the back. I bet it’s in a ratty ponytail and shit.

    Aw, I just puked in my mouth right now.

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