Reader Laura and I have been exchanging emails for weeks now, chatting about our TBRs and what-not, as well as the ever sky-rocketing gas prices or what we could do to help impeach Bush (no, not really). You guys, I thought Laura liked me, but today, she sent me this cover and I’m starting to think that maybe she hates my guts. Why would anyone send someone they supposedly like an atrocity like this? It’s like Laura had a grudge against my retinas and she wants to get back at them by burning them. A little much, eh Laura? You didn’t think that we could have resolved our issues by talking first? I thought we were closelikethis, man!
I didn’t even think that hair could naturally be that yellow. This is a time-travel romance, right? Maybe the heroine brought some hair-dye with her so she and the hero could have matching hair color. Only she left the dye on his hair a little too long and that’s why it’s a Big Bird shade of yellow. I’m so serial, you guys, look at it! And why is he so damned orange? Was the heroine thoughtful enough to bring some suntan lotion, too? After all, Vikings are supposed to be pale because as everyone knows, the sun doesn’t shine on Scandinavian countries. Maybe she took one look at him and said, “Good Dog, you’re blinding me with your paleness! Here, have some suntan lotion.” That doesn’t explain why she’s so vampire-pale, though. And is he wearing his polar bear pelt around his waist? I thought only middle-aged soccer moms did that to disguise their ever-expanding butts.
Thanks for nothing, Laura!
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May 9, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Yeah matching hair colors just bring up too many incestual vibes.
I actually just learned in my neuroscience class that people near the equator have darker eyes to handle the sun better, as opposed to like the Scandinavian areas where they’re all light blue and whatnot. You learn something new everyday…
May 9, 2006 at 5:52 pm
people near the equator have darker eyes to handle the sun better, as opposed to like the Scandinavian areas where they’re all light blue and whatnot
No shit? That’s pretty cool. Hey, something just occurred to me. If it’s cold enough for this guy to wear fur, why is he topless?
And obviously he works out his belly harder than his pecs, ’cause he’s got an 8-pack and is about as flat as she is.
May 10, 2006 at 7:08 am
Well Bam…I thought you’d like this cover for snark…its just so…not right.
And you are on to something about those damn gas prices…
I was struck by the fact that they both have no body hair. Not a hair! I’ve always wondered how in days of old heriones managed to get a huge bottle of Nair smuggled in to the castle?! Or perhaps they both have a case of body hair only alopecia??
Tan and blond and body-hairless and very tall…the uber race or some crap.
And Bam…love ya!
Sorry for the retina burning…
Laura
August 29, 2006 at 5:54 am
Actually, the sun does shine on Scandinavian countries, in summer it hardly even goes down at night (not at all some days around midsummer in the northern part of Scandinavia). And if you’re at sea, like the vikings were, you’re bound to get a tan. Snow reflects sunlight a lot as well. I’m guessing the vikings didn’t walk around topless though, so I guess only their face and hands were tanned.
Not that this has anything to do with the obviously fake tan on that fake blonde, I’m just saying…