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I Wanna Be Your Monkey Man!

Reader Shanna has this to say about this cover: “I came across this cover and I thought you might like it and by like it I mean hate it. What’s up with the dude’s ears? Not exactly hunky vampire, more like creepy dumbo ears stalker.” While I have to admit that this man has a rather nice nose for such a weird looking dude, I just can’t get over how oddly his features go together. His lips aren’t ugly, but they don’t seem to belong to him. They’re too small and thin… like they should belong to a petulant five year old child. His eyes are kind of nice, if a little too close together, and they shouldn’t be on that face, either. Who dressed this guy, anyway? Kevin Federline or something? Well, this guy does look like he dances around in his underwear in front of a mirror, using a comb for a mic, and singing, “Popozao! Popozao!” And what’s with the hair? It was photoshopped, obviously, but couldn’t they find someone other than a blind man who’s never used photoshop before, to do it? I’m just sayin’ that if they were gonna give him fake hair, they should have given him longer hair to cover those “creepy dumbo ears”. Honestly, is there anyone out there at all who finds this man attractive? Admit it! I won’t make fun of you, I swear.

By the way, I told Shanna that this cover made me lose my will to live. That’s not true. I was indulging in a hyperbole. What I meant to say was, this cover makes me want to bash my skull against a wall until I pass out and perhaps give myself amnesia so that I couldn’t remember this cover. Thanks, Shanna!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 25th, 2006 at 7:41 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

9 Responses to “I Wanna Be Your Monkey Man!”

  1. Danielle
    Posted: May 25th, 2006 at 11:10 am
    1

    Nothing says, “Give up your degree graphics design now” like someone who can keep a job by masking all Photoshop blends with the blur brush. *SOB*

    I love the cheap font, too. Oi gavolt.

  2. Shuzluva
    Posted: May 25th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
    2

    In addition to the awful hair, the weirdly shaped face and the wifebeater, it looks like the artist couldn’t decide whether this guy was a “city” vampire or a “country” vampire. Unless he was standing in front of a cemetary with a view of the city? Now I’m just confused.

  3. Bam
    Posted: May 25th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
    3

    “city” vampire or a “country” vampire

    Well, I think he’s a trailer trash vampire. I was getting sick of those nice-smelling, designer clothes-wearing, teeth-brushing, hair-combing vampires anyway.

    Where the Everyman vampire? The vampire who enjoys Blue Collar TV?

    I’m totally joking, by the way. That would be an AWFUL idea.

  4. Danielle
    Posted: May 25th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
    4

    Actually, it would be interesting to see a vampire with an exotic named like “Vittorio” say something like, “GIT ‘ER DONE.” I’m going to hell.

  5. Bam
    Posted: May 25th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
    5

    No, danielle… just no.

  6. Sandie
    Posted: May 26th, 2006 at 6:30 am
    6

    I think I need to get my head out of the gutter because my first thought was…is the very tall skyscraper in the background a phallic symbol?

    I think he needs a tatoo on his bicep too…to finish out the “trash” vampire art direction…

    Laura

  7. Bam
    Posted: May 26th, 2006 at 9:06 am
    7

    Laura, you always think it’s phallic.

    But umm… yeah, the longest one is the phallus and the two little buildings are testicles.

    I can see it, I guess. Doesn’t make you less of a perv, though.

  8. Leigh Ellwood
    Posted: May 26th, 2006 at 11:39 am
    8

    Another Baldwin brother? How many are there now?

  9. Devon
    Posted: May 26th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
    9

    I think they slapped the top half of one face onto the bottom of another. Doesn’t the head look a bit weirdly elongated also? Doesn’t quite fit. Then they slapped some brillo pad hair on there. Doesn’t fit either. And he looks like he’s pouting b/c some bitch wouldn’t make him a turkey pot pie.

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