My Evening with a Big Ball of Sock

At first glance, there isn’t really anything to this cover. It’s a run-of-the-mill, pleasant enough, but thoroughly boring cover to a Regency romance that is most likely pleasant, but not necessarily exciting. The girl model has red hair, so I’m sure she’s appropriately feisty and gets outraged over period-appropriate things and fights for all the period-appropriate causes like making sure the London orphans have socks or mittens for the coming winter or something. Her dress is a little fug, but it kind of goes with her hair and I’m sure everyone wore dresses just like it, just like everyone–even boys–dressed like Jennifer Beals in the 80′s.

The boy model, on the other hand… well, it looks like his overly-extravagant cravat is about to rise up and eat his face, but I’m sure we can blame it on his overly-fussy valet ’cause gentlemen didn’t dress themselves in those days. And I’m sure all the gentlemen who hung at White’s wore their cravats in such a way. I even like the way his well-cut navy coat perfectly matches his buff bree–Oh, Good God! Is that… is that… Mother Mary, Mother of God, his boner is practically touching that poor young woman! It’s a good thing she’s looking into his eyes or this poor girl would probably crumple in a dead-faint!

Where is this girl’s chaperone? Why isn’t anyone concerned that the man’s GIGANTIC ERECTION is practically reaching out to say hi to that innocent young woman? Oh, God, I can’t stop looking at it. It almost looks like… an elephant’s trunk. I half expect it to jump out of this guy’s trousers with jazz hands, shouting “ha-cha-cha!”.

Honestly, I never would have noticed the damned thing if my buddy Christine hadn’t pointed it out to me (her joke, not mine). And trust me, I’ve been on a serious bulge watch lately.

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