This isn’t a romance cover, but I’ve been picturing this man in my head while reading my mountain of Harlequin Blaze novels. I want to eat him. I want to swallow him whole. I want to lick him from head to toe. Oh, please, Baby Jesus, let me wake up tomorrow morning and find this man in my bed (once Tim leaves for work, I mean).
P.S. Who knew that corn-dog making could be so… hawt? He can stick his corn-dog into my bucket and swirl it around as much as he wants. Hell, I’ll even help him along. You guys know how selfless I am.
P.P.S. Sure, in this picture, he looks like he’d beat me, choke me, rape me, then beat me some more, but you know what? I’d still totally fuck him. Does that make me crazy?
Last 5 posts by bam
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July 6, 2006 at 5:46 am
He is lovely. I’ve read that Kevin Spacey feels much the same way as you do about him, Bam. Only his dreams came true. But in my fantasy it would be Routh and Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Phillippe. Or heck, all three.
July 6, 2006 at 6:14 am
I used to be a Batman girl (can you say Michael Keaton or Christian Bale)…but after seeing the new movie, I think I’m going for the unmasked hero.
Yu-hu-hu-hummmm.
July 6, 2006 at 6:49 am
He’s just yummy…finger licking good kind of yummy.
Sandie
July 6, 2006 at 7:42 am
“We had coffee.”
You know, in my days of big fat whoredom, coffee meant going back to his place and doing unnatural things to each other. Why, that would mean… Oh, Bryan Singer, you bitch! How dare you sully my beautiful Iowa farmboy!
Barb, I bet I can take Kevin Spacey with one hand tied behind my back. I did have a dream last night that involved me, BJ, and Nathan Fillion.
Oh, you guys, I woke up this morning and he wasn’t in my bed. But maybe he’s in the shower?
July 6, 2006 at 9:34 am
Usually,I’m a villian fangirl(Spacey is sexy sinister but not as much as,say,Julian McMahon in Fanastic Four)but Brandon Routh really looks hot when wet:)
Seriously,it’s a damn fine look for him-hell,even when he was all Clark Kentish,I was very lust in the dust for him:D
July 6, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Now see, Bam, I am not a Superman fan at all…I too tend to cry when the villains day but heck, even I will trade in my Super Villian Fan Book to have some of his corn dog!
July 6, 2006 at 2:25 pm
sigh…it is supposed to be…”when the villains die…”
apologies for the attack of bad typing
July 6, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Oh to be the center in the Batman (Christian Bale), Superman superhero sandwich…. THAT would be heaven on a stick.
July 6, 2006 at 4:35 pm
meh. I still lurve me summa Wolverine/Hugh Jackman.
July 6, 2006 at 5:15 pm
I love his remark about how popular the Iowa State Fair is in Iowa. He’s not exaggerating. I moved to Iowa from Kansas City (long story) and it freaked me out how excited everyone gets about it. The corn dogs are tasty, though, just like Brandon.
July 8, 2006 at 11:50 pm
Mmmm, Bam, I just came home from a late showing of SR. Wow, you’re too young to remember the 70s films but I loved them as a kid and I thought BR did a great job of getting the character just right. He was spot on right down to his geekiness as Clark Kent. And yum, I have to agree with you, I want to eat him on a stick. I think I’m gonna have to go back and see this movie again. And again. And again. lol Evangeline
PS–I have to say I felt sorry for the guy who played Lois Lane’s love interest–same guy who played Scott/Cyclops in X-Men. Man, that guy is always second fiddle. And did you get the feeling he was letting her go in the scene where he drops Lois off at the hospital? I don’t think we’ll see much of him in the next movie. I’m hoping we’ll see some good Super nookie tho. : ) E
July 9, 2006 at 3:48 pm
argh! Not out on this side of the pond yet..oh woe! woe! woe!
July 10, 2006 at 2:33 am
Does it amuse anyone else that his entrance music in this clip is “Super Freak?” Heh heh. I’ve been trying to think pretty chaste thoughts about Routh so far but all this talk about sticks plus the whole commotion about the size of The Package (according to the costume designer, it was the part of the costume that the movie people discussed the most) has got me thinking unchastely.
Just a thought: Evangeline, seeing “Super nookie” would be nice, but for a human being it is physically impossible according to the [humorous] article “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.” Have you read it? It’s really funny.
And Routh is quite yummy. [sings] Super freak! Super freak! He’s super freakyyyyyy… yow!
And with that I am going to sleep.
July 10, 2006 at 9:52 am
It’s hard to think chaste thoughts about this man, Joanne, ’cause of his wicked little mouth. It’s just so perfectly shaped that I replayed that video a few times and just watched his mouth moving. Yes, yes, I’m a creepy stalker. Oh and I did read “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.” Hilarious, brilliant stuff!
Wow, you’re too young to remember the 70s films but I loved them as a kid and I thought BR did a great job of getting the character just right.
Evie, I grew up on those Chris Reeve films. I loved Superman I&II. When I was a kid, I saw Superman II at least a hundred times. My mom was telling Tim about it the other night and he said, “God, you were a dork even as a child?”
Screw it, I love Superman.
July 10, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Who DOESN’T love Superman? (I’m sure there are people out there who don’t, but don’t ruin my rhetorical question… lol.) It’s OK, I’ve been a total dork since childhood too. I grew up with Dean Cain’s Superman, though.
I never really noticed Routh’s mouth, cos I focused on the whole package, yadidamean?! XD He does have a nice smile, though. The lips aren’t so bad, either. I suppose we can call him “Routh the Mouth,” then.
The more I think about it, the more I picture him on the front of a romance novel cover. lol.
p.s: The p.p.s. cracks me up. Was that an intentional Gnarls Barkley reference at the end? (I was listening to the song as I logged on to the Internet.) If it is, then my answer to your question is “I think you’re craaaazy! I think you’re craaaaazay! I think you’re craaaaazy… just like me…”
Oh snaps, just as I finished this post “Can You Read My Mind” started playing on my iPod… hahahaha…
July 10, 2006 at 11:07 pm
p.p.s. Can Superman really read my mind? I didn’t see it anywhere in his list of superpowers on Wikipedia…
July 11, 2006 at 12:23 am
OK Bam, maybe you’re older than I thought. I confess to having very impure thoughts after seeing Superman II as a kid too. Of course when I showed my sister who’s 10 years younger than me the scene with Superman and Lois in the big silver beanbag bed at the fortress of solitude, she cracked up. I was like, “Shut up! That was sexy in the seventies! We all wanted to climb into the silver beanbag with Superman!”
I adore the man of steel–I read a lot about people saying he’s too powerful and doesn’t have enough angst. But I think it’s so hot–the idea of a guy who could bend a bar of steel still being gentle enough to…Okay, sorry, don’t think I ought to post the end to that particular thought. Superman porn again.
And I also have read Man of Steel, woman of Kleenex. And yes, it’s funny. But come on, if you can suspend your disbelief enough to like Superman in the first place, can’t you go a little farther and let the poor guy get some nookie?
Speaking of which, can anyone point me in the direction of any good X-rated Superman fanfic? Or do I have to write my own?
Evangeline
July 11, 2006 at 7:09 am
Evie, read “Krypton Nights” by Bryan Dietrich. It’s not porn, but they’re a collection of brilliant poems about Superman. The best one is “I, Kent”.
OK Bam, maybe you’re older than I thought.
Oh, but I’m not that old.
Can Superman really read my mind? I didn’t see it anywhere in his list of superpowers on Wikipedia…
No, I don’t think Superman had telepathy. But if BR could read my mind, I bet he’d run. REALLY FAST. In the opposite direction.
‘Cause I’m really good at tying people up. I mean, uh…
July 11, 2006 at 1:55 pm
LOL Bam! BR would have the same reaction if he read my mind. I feel really, really guilty about it though, cos (in a fit of insanity) I went looking for information about him. In every single interview he is so cute and innocent-like that I feel like an abject pervert for thinking impure thoughts about him. Plus he and I are both Methodist (or so I read) so it’s kind of like crushing on that guy sitting a few rows away from you while you’re in church: it’s kind of weird, but you can’t help it. (Not that I would know what that feels like.
) But at the same time, I’m like, “Where are all the cute Methodist boys? Why can’t I get some of that?”
“Shut up! That was sexy in the seventies! We all wanted to climb into the silver beanbag with Superman!”
Evie, that is the best quote ever.
July 11, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Joanne, I attended a Methodist church (even though I’m Catholic, go figure) and there were never any hot Methodist boys around. ‘Course I was ten years old. I read up on BR, too, and I was attracted to how innocent and naive he seems… Dear god, I’m a Hero in a romance novel! “Oh, she is so pure… so very, very pure… I want to fuck her.”
“Shut up! That was sexy in the seventies! We all wanted to climb into the silver beanbag with Superman!”
Evie, that is the best quote ever.
Isn’t that what all of us really want in life? To climb into a giant silver beanbag with Superman and have lots of dirty sex? Although I really wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with Clark in the Kent barn.
July 11, 2006 at 6:15 pm
That’s exactly what I want–my turn in the silver beanbag with Superman. But BR will do and I don’t care how innocent and pure he is–I want to corrupt him!
; ) Evangeline
PS–Bam, have ordered the book you reccomended from Amazon. Hope it gets here soon.
July 11, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Joanne, I attended a Methodist church (even though I’m Catholic, go figure) and there were never any hot Methodist boys around.
Tru dat, Bam. Well, there was one, and he’s like at least five years older… in high school, though, his grandma came up to me and said “I want you for my grandson.” [I guess she thought I was a good Methodist girl because I do a lot of things at church.] The next time I saw that guy he was married and came to church to baptize his new child. T_T
(I attended both Catholic and Methodist because I was baptized Catholic and briefly attended Catholic school. Now I just attend the Catholic church at uni cos it’s closer. lol.)
Isn’t that what all of us really want in life? To climb into a giant silver beanbag with Superman and have lots of dirty sex? Although I really wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with Clark in the Kent barn.
I too like the idea of the barn. I think he did that a few times in “Smallville”… You know what would be trippy, though? Aerosex. Like having sex whilst levitating.
July 11, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Mmmm, mid-air sex. That *is* hot. I’m assuming he would be on the bottom tho cause otherwise, you’d fall forty thousand feet or however high up you were. I wonder how much concentration it takes for him to fly. Cause if he loses it when he orgasms…well, let’s just hope he has a super fast recovery time.
Evangeline
Gives a whole new meaning to the mile high club.
July 12, 2006 at 12:53 am
Of course you’d (or I’d) be on top, Evie… it’s hotter that way. lol. But I wouldn’t have to go very very high… maybe just a few inches/feet above the bed is OK (for safety reasons). Just the fact that we’re levitating is trippy enough for me.
Just a thought about the “mile high club” idea… What if an airplane flies in (in the same sense that someone would normally walk in) on you? That would be problematic.
Oooh, new idea! What if you were in the barn? If you fell, you’d have a nice, safe pile of hay to fall into. And then you could roll around and stuff.
Good God, when did I get such a dirty mind? XD
July 12, 2006 at 7:40 am
Mmmm, mid-air sex. That *is* hot. Evie, in that collection of poetry that you ordered, Lois has a poem about it. It’s really wonderfully written.
Good God, when did I get such a dirty mind?
Joanne, I inspire that in people. Ask around.
What if an airplane flies in (in the same sense that someone would normally walk in) on you?
I’m sure he can hear an airplane coming from a mile away.
Seriously, bitches, when did this turn into “sharing my masturbatory fantasies about Superman”?
July 12, 2006 at 9:51 am
Seriously, bitches, when did this turn into “sharing my masturbatory fantasies about Superman”?
They’re not MY masturbatory fantasies… I just threw out some suggestions.
I joke around a lot… tell me if I’m going overboard. o_0 Unless you like that sort of thing. XD I mentioned “midair sex” precisely because it was part of “Krypton Nights,” which (along with the barn scenario, though it is not in KN) you mentioned. And it all snowballed from there.
Besides, I can’t think of anything witty to say about the book covers.
July 12, 2006 at 10:03 am
Hey Bam, I think I’ve been very good about *not* sharing my Superman fantasies. (And belive me, I have some very graphic ones.) I can if you want though. Being an erotica author, I could start telling you a naughty story right here and just continue posting…it could be a pick your own adventure type thing.
If you ask Superman to take off his tights but leave on the cape, pick A
If you decided it’s kinkier to do it mid-air with the tights pulled down, pick B
You don’t wanna know what C would be. lol. Oh, and i could even name the character after you.
Bam Lane. How does that grab you?
: ) Evangeline
July 12, 2006 at 10:18 am
They’re not MY masturbatory fantasies… I just threw out some suggestions.
I joke around a lot… tell me if I’m going overboard.
Joanne, sweetheart, you can get as dirty as you want on my little site. I was just pulling your leg.
I am a huge fan of KN, by the way. The first time I read “I Kent”, I think I actually got teary. Well, my throat began to hurt with unshed tears anyway. Dietrich really captured the loneliness and alienization (pun intended) of a man in a world where no one can possibly empathize with him. I’m getting teary now. *sniff*
I’m inspired to write a smutty Superman fanfic now. Excuse me. ::runs off::
July 12, 2006 at 10:21 am
Bam Lane. How does that grab you?
Grabs me just fine, Evie. Can you make her totally Mary Sue, though? Like Anita Blake, whom everyone wants to fuck, but with class? Oh, and can you take off twenty pounds from my figure?
Oh, and can you give BR… err… CK a fourteen inch penis?
July 12, 2006 at 10:22 am
Wow, now I really can’t wait for Krypton Nights to get to me. I even did the super special hurry up order from Amazon. I bought the book for 98 cents and the shipping cost me like 7$. So it ought to get here soon. : ) Evangeline
July 12, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Joanne, sweetheart, you can get as dirty as you want on my little site. I was just pulling your leg.
Well, I’m relieved.
But really though, I am still struggling with the guilt complex about fantasizing about super-innocent Brandon Routh, so I can’t really do anything with the fantasies. I’m really awkward with “getting dirty.” I don’t do sexy. T_T Perhaps I could throw out hypothetical situations and you could weave them into fantastic yarns? 
Wow, now I really can’t wait for Krypton Nights to get to me. I even did the super special hurry up order from Amazon. I bought the book for 98 cents and the shipping cost me like 7$. So it ought to get here soon.
I read a small excerpt of I, Kent and I liked it. I wanted to read more, unfortunately I have no cash to do so (and the library doesn’t stock it)… wait, Evie, 98 cents?! (runs to get credit card) Is it just me, or does Krypton Nights sound like a really trashy, so-bad-it’s-good nighttime T&A-filled soap-opera spin-off of the regular Superman series?
Oh, and can you give BR… err… CK a fourteen inch penis?
Fourteen inches? Wouldn’t that rip you in half? o_0
I really, really, really want to snark about the book covers though. Why does my wit choose to leave me at the worst possible moments? (lol.)
July 12, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Joanne,
yes, go check it out on Amazon. I found a super cheap copy which enabled me to do the expensive shipping option.
And I have no qualms about my BR fantasies. Actually, they’re just Superman fantasies with a new face put to them. It’s the concept of superman that gets me hot and bothered–but of course, it doesn’t hurt to have such a hot body filling the red and blue suit. : ) Evangeline
July 12, 2006 at 5:09 pm
I have no qualms about my BR fantasies.
Good for you, Evie. Of course, being a bona fide writer, you’re much more experienced at creating fantasies than I (btw I really liked what I read of “Assignment”).
There’s also the whole “I just became an adult and still feel like a little kid sometimes so fantasizing about grown men eight or more years older than I is kinda weird” thing to navigate. (Hee.)
July 12, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Joanne,
I’m really glad you liked The Assignment. And oh to be young enough again that BR would be an ‘older’ man. lol–I feel like such a dirty old woman because I’m like 7 years older than him. But what the hell.
As for making up fantasies, I was writing down dirty stories long before I ever had sex. I think I’ve always just had a dirty mind. It probably has something to do with being a minister’s brat. We’re always the worst, you know.
I have a confession to make–I just saw Superman Returns for the 3rd time. Damn, I hope it made enough $ for them to make a sequel. At any rate, I did my part paying for 3 tickets. (4 actually cause I forced my little sister to come with me the 2nd time. She agreed that BR is hot, but her favorite part of the movie was the fact that one of the little Pomeranian dogs ate the other one. Go figure. lol)
Evangeline
July 12, 2006 at 10:32 pm
Oh yes, the ever-legendary PKs (as we call them). No wonder you have no qualms fantasizing about a good Protestant boy like BR… hehe. I’ve grown up in the church and I know about the “pastor kid” rep quite well. (Btw, was your mom/dad a pastor, priest, or another clergy member? Just curious.) I, on the other hand, was the “church geek” of the group – I was the most active and virginal out of the kids at church. It wasn’t really voluntary – I’m not uptight or anything, but I always felt like I was the most sheltered/inexperienced. Thus I feel awkward thinking about or putting “dirty” scenarios down on paper. I’ll certainly read others’ work, though.
Yeah, the Pomeranian thing was funny in a really dark and gross way… at first I thought the dog was eating Gertrude’s remains though o_O
I too am planning to see SR a few more times because 1. my parents didn’t watch it with me the first time and 2. I live near San Francisco and the Metreon movie theatre contains the largest IMAX screen in North America… it will look so cool on that screen, especially with the 3D glasses. Have you seen it in 3D by any chance?
July 12, 2006 at 11:14 pm
Have you seen it in 3D by any chance?
I don’t think I can take ‘the bulge’ in 3D. That would kill me. I would probably tear off my clothes in a fit of lust and throw myself at the screen to lick it.
Oh yes, the ever-legendary PKs (as we call them). No wonder you have no qualms fantasizing about a good Protestant boy like BR
I was in love with the son of a preacher man once. he was so, so, so good. he was my 10th grade boyfriend. I was a weird, theater goth kid and he was always doing church shit. we dated in secret. I was always trying to get him to touch my good girls, but he would just blush and tell me it was sinful. God, that kid drove me crazy. he was so, so, so pretty with his blue, blue, blue eyes. He had the prettiest black hair and ohhh… dimples. he was tall, too. he broke up with me ’cause he wasn’t “ready”. I couldn’t keep my hormonal self off of him.
Gah. BR reminds me of that guy. His name was Gabriel. Like an angel.
July 13, 2006 at 1:12 am
I don’t think I can take ‘the bulge’ in 3D. That would kill me. I would probably tear off my clothes in a fit of lust and throw myself at the screen to lick it.
ROFL!
I was in love with the son of a preacher man once. he was so, so, so good. he was my 10th grade boyfriend. I was a weird, theater goth kid and he was always doing church shit.
I was the weird, theatre (but not goth) kid that also did the church shit… I never found anyone dateable when I was in high school. However, I really liked this guy who totally was the Filipino Clark Kent – tall, nerdy, Protestant (he’s nowhere near the Brandon Routh physique though) and as luck would have it, he was obsessed with Superman. We were actually supposed to watch this movie together but I don’t talk to him much anymore.
By the way, do like Dusty Springfield? I noticed your turn of phrase (“son of a preacher man”) at the beginning of that paragraph.
Anyway, Gabriel sounds so adorable. The angel Gabriel… how ironic that your thoughts were far from immaculate at that time.
July 13, 2006 at 7:52 am
Joanne,
Both my parents were ordained ministers as a matter of fact. And the guilt factor in my house was sky high, which didn’t stop me from writing filth. I remember writing secretly, locked in the bathroom and later, I would burn all my masterbatory fantasies in the fireplace in the dead of night and swear I would never write such smut again. lol–obviously I couldn’t stop myself cause here I still am, peddaling my smut to all and sundry.
And Bam, I didn’t get to see it in 3-D. It’s already gone off the IMAX screens in Tampa which makes me so dissapointed. Damn, the more I see it, the more I like it. And yet, in looking at the reviews and what it earned, I don’t think they’ll put out the money for a sequel unless it does really well on DVD. : ( Sigh.
Oh, and i thought the dog was eating the old lady at first too. V. funny. : ) Evangeline