Man, look at that ho in yellow. She looks like she’s trying to make the best of things. She’s kind of smiling and trying to look like she’s happy to be there, even though the very touch of the big green thing burns like acid. The ho in the black looks petrified, though. I bet she’s thinking, “Dear god, if you help me get out of here, I will never ever steal my mom’s clothes or sneak out of the house after curfew ever again”. I almost feel bad for her. I don’t feel bad for the alien, though. That motherfucker looks as happy as a pig in shit. Maybe he’s a tourist who made a stop at the local crackhouse, so he could take a picture with two crackhos and have something to show his friends back home.
Oh, and this cover is sent by a reader who doesn’t want me to reveal her name because she doesn’t want anyone to know that she reads my site. Just kidding. She’s afraid that the folks at Chippewa might see this, go to her house, and break her kneecaps.
Last 5 posts by bam
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July 5, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Oh…My…God. Worst cover EVER. What is this book even about? Is it a menage a trois? But with 2 girls and 1 guy instead of vice versa? Don’t the good folks down at Chippewa know that’s a *male* fantasy, not a female one? And are the girls with the huge feet really suppsed to want to shag the green pig-nosed alien with 3 eyes? Or is it 2 noses? I know, given the prominence of the feet, maybe this is a foot fetish book which is just so gross. Erg, I hate erotica and or romance books that go there. *No toe sucking* it’s just nasty. Especially if you have feet that are so huge they could block out the sun.
Thanks Bam, I think I’m gonna be sick now.
Evangeline
July 5, 2006 at 7:22 pm
Chippewa’s adult books are now under the Lady Aibell imprint.
And yes, I noticed the fug in this cover days ago. I just resisted the temptation to click on the thumbnail.
July 5, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Since my eyes were already damaged, I had to go to the site and read the blurb…
“This is the story of what happens when a high class Oklahoma redneck who looks on pro wrestling as real life meets a green space alien.
Rupert Hawkins is is consoled by Mel and Bev, two horny sisters after he love for life of the next day eloped with a man with a 14 inch pecker.”
There is more, but I didn’t feel the need to go there. Sisters? A “classy” redneck? Named Rupert?
Bad editing in the blurb?
The cover may be the best part of this one. Ai yi yi.
July 5, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Laura, I had to see for myself this blurb you speak of and I couldn’t believe it. Not only is the damned thing poorly written, but you’re right, it definitely also needed some semblance of editing.
two horny sisters after he love for life of the next day eloped with a man with a fourteen inch pecker
What the fuck does that even mean?
But this:
The two ladies brought him out of his grieving state by performing a variety of friendly sex acts on him.
… is fucking brilliant.
July 5, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Wait, now I’m really confused. The two sisters had sex with the space alien or the redneck after the love of his life left him for a space alien? And who has the 14 inch pecker? And who says ‘pecker’ anymore? Help, sombody, please explain! I’m so confused!
This book looks like the kind of B movie they used to rip in Mystery Science Theater 2000. Did anybody used to watch that with the robot movie reviwers? Okay, I’m sorry, I’m tired and sick, running a temp all day and I think this cover and that weird, incoherant blurb just pushed me over the edge.
Evangeline
July 6, 2006 at 6:44 am
14″ pecker?
Do you think they are calling his (its?) super long feet peckers? He can do both sisters at the same time…sorry, bad idea…just so stunned by this cover, I’m not sure what to type.
I like how cartoony the heart headboard is behind them…ha.
Thanks, this is a priceless example of cover shat.
Sandie
July 6, 2006 at 7:29 am
How is it possible that the blurb is worse than the cover. This whole thing is just very, very disturbing.
July 6, 2006 at 11:46 am
Ghastly.
July 6, 2006 at 11:48 am
One has to wonder if the author had any say in the cover art …
July 6, 2006 at 12:57 pm
I am thinking that the cover emotes exactly what the author wants. Did you read the blurb excerpts here. I read them three times before I gave up and realized it wasn’t me, it was them.
July 6, 2006 at 12:59 pm
AGH! I’m ready to tear my brain out of my skull to make this insanity stop. This might actually kill my need to go trolling online for books.
July 6, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Laughing. My. Ass. Off.
July 6, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Holy…Holy…..Holy Redneck Peckers Batman!
Evangeline yes I remember Mystery Science Theater…….I used to love that show.
July 6, 2006 at 9:27 pm
What the hell are friendly sex acts? Having seen this oddity does anyone still rate Changeling Press covers as the worst?
July 6, 2006 at 11:59 pm
Let’s see… “friendly sex acts”. Let me reach back to my days of big fat whoredom and answer that for you, Barb.
“friendly sex acts” means… um… hmm… performing only sexual acts that won’t make it for an awkward morning after. I mean, let’s say you wore a gimp mask and danced to Shalimar the night before while licking your own nipples… well, that would just make it awkward for everyone the morning after. You wouldn’t want to do that to a friend, would you?
And that’s what would make a sex act “friendly”. Consideration for your sexual partner. The morning after.
July 7, 2006 at 3:26 am
Shalimar, Bam? Wasn’t Shalimar very much before your days of big fat whoredom? In fact I think they were popular during MY days of big fat whoredom.
July 18, 2006 at 10:02 pm
There’s something seriously wrong with that yellow chick’s head!