Sybil sent me this cover ’cause… I don’t know. You’re mean, Syb. Like I told her, I was eating a chocolate-covered whey bar for breakfast (don’t ask) when I saw this thing. And do you know what a whey bar tastes like? Chocolate-covered vomit. Imagine what it tastes like coming back up. I wonder if there’s an actual woman or man–dude is big enough to be considered a “bear” but not hairy enough–out there who would find this creature sexy. I mean, first of all, that’s a wig on his head, right? It’s ratty, doesn’t fit well, and looks like a dead animal perched on his noggin. Couldn’t the make-up artist have brushed the wig before putting it on his head? And made sure it was on straight? Honestly, this guy makes Wildcat Arrows look positively sexy. What was going through the graphic designer’s head when she designed this thing? Homeboy looks like… Meat Loaf complete with bitch-tits. And look at those nipples. They’re all puffy and sand dollar-y. Oh, and what’s with the hazy, gauzy background? How many filters did the photographer use while shooting this thing? My skin is actually crawling as I look at it. Ugh, I can feel the vomit rising up my throat again and you guys, I had a carnitas burrito for lunch. It’s not something I look forward to seeing again.
This thing doesn’t even deserve a .
Thanks a lot, Syb. Thanks for nothing!
Last 5 posts by bam
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July 13, 2006 at 5:54 pm
Man..I hope Mr. Loaf stays away from the fire…all that hairspray holding up his lovly (gag) locks might cause him to catch on fire and burst into a massive hairy ball of flames.
Sandie
July 13, 2006 at 6:34 pm
This is kinda a sad cover, but is the link to that Wildcat Arrows cover for real? Are you sure that’s not a joke? lol Evangeline
July 13, 2006 at 6:36 pm
I dunno. I’ve seen worse wigs (Star Jones) and bigger man-tits (any guy over 50). Remember the massive boobs on that Changeling Press cover? The book was Diary of a Demon Hunter 3:Death Unsung. Now those were some titties. This guy doesn’t look too bright but he looks like he could take care of a little bidness.
July 13, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Evie, nope… Wildcat Arrows is real.
July 13, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Bam, I almost want to read the Wildcat Arrows book just because the cover is so breathtakingly bad! Do you think my Kensington cover for Take Two will have the same effect on people? We can only hope…; ) Evangeline
July 13, 2006 at 8:26 pm
Is that the Mighty DeSalvo’s uglier, fatter brother?
July 13, 2006 at 8:53 pm
I really like Meat Loaf. Seen him in concert. This guy has nothing on Meat Loaf. However, the cover model does appear to have a nice kilt.
Darragha
July 13, 2006 at 11:57 pm
I do it for you,,,,
July 14, 2006 at 7:07 am
I’m sorry, long flowing locks on a man are only sexy if he’s Native American or Johnny Depp. I can’t stand the look. Hate it! Give me some scissors (or wig glue remover) and let me at him.
July 14, 2006 at 8:59 am
Johnny! He can so do long locks. This guy not so much, at all. I vote that is a wig.
It has to be.
July 14, 2006 at 9:38 am
Is it just me, or does homeboy look like Shannon Doherty on steroids? It must be the hair.
July 14, 2006 at 9:57 am
Speaking of Shannen Doherty, my mom found pictures of me in junior high dressed up in buttoned down shirts and gigantic ties like Brenda Walsh. She proudly showed them off to Tim, of course.
Oh, by the way, Shannen Doherty has a new show called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. She helps you break up with people. How awesome is that? Does she hold the guy down while you bust up his kneecaps with a Louisville Slugger?
July 14, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Evangeline, not only is the Wildcat Arrows guy for real, he’s the author’s boyfriend.
July 14, 2006 at 3:21 pm
Bam, sometimes your site makes me want to cut myself for trying to aspire to be a graphics designer. lol. Wildcat Arrows made me laugh so hard, though. My initial reaction: “WHAT. WHAT. NO. WHAT.” Also, I thought of the person completing the cover saying, “LOL MS PAINT IZ GUUD.” The skin color doesn’t even match!
July 14, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Robyn,
Please say you’re kidding about that Wildcat Arrows book. You mean to tell me that not only did someone put that man on the cover of a book, they also *sleep* with and presumably have *sex* with that man? He looks like a serial killer in a bad mood. I would always be afraid that he would snap and kill me with a kitchen knife. Either the author is very brave or sight impaired.
Evangeline