An author who wants to remain anonymous sent me this cover ’cause she’s afraid that Changeling will come after her and give her an especially bad cover in retaliation. I’m kidding. Maybe Karen and I ought to set up a witness protection program for authors who balk against the bad covers of the industry and become our “informers”. Ha-ha. And just what is going on here? The folks standing in the back look like they indulge a bit on the juice with their buddy Jose Canseco, while homeboy sitting on the dirt looks like an emaciated, zombified David Bowie (as if the Glamorous One weren’t more emaciated and zombified than he is at press time). Are saggy boobies one of the side effects of steroid use on a female? Damn, homegirl needs more underwire support in her bra. I bet she’s jealous of the proud, erect (heh) way that Mr. Steroid Poser Boy is standing. That’s ’cause he knows that his boobies are as perky and firm as that of an eighteen year old girl. You go with your bad self, Mr. Steroid Poser Boy! Oh, and I do adore the way they’ve got their swords pointed up, you know, nails in the whole ‘uprising’ thing in the title. Oh, clever double entendre, you slay me!
And I swear to god, you guys, the first time I saw this cover, I thought the title said, “Ovarian Uprising” and I laughed my ass off for a good five minutes. Dear God, that sounds like the title of an article that Sandra Bernhard could write. Well, from this cover, it’s obvious that our femme up there is no wilting lily. She definitely looks like she could cut AND choke a bitch. Especially if you made fun of her saggy tits. But check out her ass cheeks, though. I bet those things could crush a walnut. Between her and Mr. Steroid Poser Boy, I wonder which one would sink his/her sword into Zombie David Bowie’s… uh… sheath first.
I give this cover a if only because it cracked my shit up.
Thanks, Anonymous Author!
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July 15, 2006 at 11:02 am
‘Ovarian Uprising?!’ Now I’d pay to read an ebook like that.
Notice that emaciated Bowie-type guy doesn’t have a perky ‘sword’ of his own? You think the cover artist is trying to tell us something?
July 15, 2006 at 11:07 am
Is it just me or do they have really buggy eyes!
But the clouds are pretty …
July 15, 2006 at 11:33 am
It looks like one of them has already stuck their sword into Zombie Bowie’s sheath and it hurt so bad! He seems to be either protecting his goods or pressing down on the wound while waiting for a bandaid:)
July 15, 2006 at 11:49 am
Egads!!! Every time I think I’ve seen the worst cover – another better (worse) one comes along. And you know what 99% of those nasty covers come from the same e-publisher.
July 15, 2006 at 11:56 am
Now we know what Intergalactic Workout Barbie will look like at 65.
July 15, 2006 at 3:57 pm
I like the way Zombie Bowie is preening like Ben Stiller in Zoolander
July 15, 2006 at 4:46 pm
The woman freaks me out. She looks like one of those bodybuilding nightmares on steroides. Without the sagging tits I would have thought her a man, especially with that Fabio wig.
I read somewhere that this author actually is really PROUD of her covers…
That leaves me speechless *humpf*
July 16, 2006 at 3:27 am
Never really noticed the cover but I loved the book! Both guys actually get it in the man sheath, and not necessarily from each other, either. For me it just doesn’t get any better.
I never really looked at the cover. The guy sitting down really has some dark nippples. The guy standing “pecs” are too big but his ass is very spankable. A great quality in a man to my mind.
July 16, 2006 at 4:32 am
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Sierra whatsherface must have done something very bad to deserve this cover.
Fugly. Fugly. Fugly.
July 16, 2006 at 4:35 am
Katharina wrote:
I read somewhere that this author actually is really PROUD of her covers…
She’s just lying Kat, nobody in their right brain cell thinks this cover is good. Apart from maybe the cover artist.
July 16, 2006 at 10:41 am
Steroid filled bodybuilding chicks usually are flat as a board or have shriveled up raisins for boobs. See Chyna in her pre-surgery days in the WWE.
July 16, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Wow! So Chyna really is a “natural” woman? I wasn’t sure. I thought she might be a transsexual. I saw her on The Surreal Life a while back and with her heavy features, huge implants, deep voice and full crotch I thought she might have been surgically altered and enhanced so to speak. So it’s all the steroids, huh? I used to live with a weightlifter/bodybuilder and I’d go to some of the tournaments with him. Most of the women’s breast were very small or nonexistent. I really envied them because I’m quite the opposite unfortunately.