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Somebody needs a Bra and it’s Not Her!

Hmm… this is a sweet little cover. Could have been the cover for an inspirational chick lit book. You know, about the good girl daughter of a preacher who finally gets the man of her dreams because she… uh… I don’t know, prayed to Jesus every morning or something. Of course an inspirational romance wouldn’t have a shirtless dude on the cover, right? Especially a shirtless dude whose breasts are bigger than the heroine’s? I’m serious, look. She has no boobs! I think maybe she was wearing falsies in the beginning of the date, but maybe they fell out or something and now she’s looking down and trying to find them. Anyway, I feel sad for her ’cause she seems so happy, but the guy she’s with just looks bored. Like his face says, “I can’t believe I lost that bet and now I have to turn this stupid girl into a prom queen” or something. My favorite thing about this cover, though, is the title. That title is frickin’ awesome. It sounds like it could be the title of a song by… I don’t know… Skidrow or Warrant or something. I bet this book is about a girl who thinks she’s going to be with a guy “forever” but for him, it’s “never” ’cause… um… he doesn’t like girls. It breaks my heart something fierce, ’cause she seems like a sweet girl. Hmm… I have this book somewhere, I think. I should read it before I start making assumptions. For all I know, it could be about a scary-ass dominatrix who peels the skin off of her submissive’s back with a cat o’ nine tails. Hell, maybe there’s even loads anal in this book ’cause according to Evangeline Anderson, “Anal is the new vaginal”. Evie is awesome, you guys.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 28th, 2006 at 9:26 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

24 Responses to “Somebody needs a Bra and it’s Not Her!”

  1. E.D'Trix
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 11:33 am
    1

    Hahahaha! Is it wrong that I long ago dubbed this the “Chinese Concubine” book?

  2. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 11:56 am
    2

    Oh, dude, is the heroine Chinese? I want to read it now! :)

  3. Nicolette
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
    3

    She looks like Drew Barrymore, which means her breasts are not so much small as lacking an appropriate foundation garment.

  4. E.D'Trix
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
    4

    No, not Chinese — she just looks properly submissive on the cover. The heroine is actually a 55 or 56 year old woman, and the hero is in his mid-forties. Gee, can’t you tell that from the cover???

  5. Tatterdemallion
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
    5

    I wonder if Harlequin will ever start doing anal. Wouldn’t that be great?!

    She looks like she’s doing that whole “sand between my toes and the sound of the waves…it’s glorious” kind of thing.

  6. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
    6

    The heroine is actually a 55 or 56 year old woman, and the hero is in his mid-forties.

    While I give props to elderly porn, the thought of a woman older than my mum getting it up the bum from some guy gives me the heaves.

    I wonder if Harlequin will ever start doing anal.

    I’ve never read a SPICE, their erotica imprint… any of them have anal in it?

  7. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
    7

    Hey Bam,
    Thanks for the mention. : ) I’ve seen a couple of the Spice line but I don’t know if they do anal or not. It’s kinda hard to imagine the Harlequin big-wigs okaying something like that but they must be desperate in the first place or they wouldn’t have started Spice to get into the erotica market.
    Evangeline

  8. Anonymous
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
    8

    It looks like he’s wearing her falsies.

  9. Barbara B.
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
    9

    The guy’s face reminds me of George Clooney but the body… it’s kinda jacked.

    Mardi Ballou writes effing romantic comedy and there’s just something about that shit I can’t tolerate. I don’t think this is romantic comedy but there’s still a taint as far as I’m concerned. Those romantic comedy writers will always slip at least a little of that “comedy” into anything they write. Just thinking about romantic comedy romances pisses me off!

  10. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
    10

    Just thinking about romantic comedy romances pisses me off!

    Ah, crap. And here I’ve got people telling me I should write a romantic comedy. I WON’T DO IT IF IT MEANS LOSING YOU, BARB B!

  11. Barbara B.
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
    11

    Don’t do it, Bam! I’m putting my foot deeper into my mouth but you have too much talent for romantic comedy. You’re too funny! I thought you’d be writing along the lines of David Sedaris, Merrill Markoe, or Sandra Tsing Loh, writers I fell in love with back in the early 90’s reading magazines like Buzz and Details.

    I’m a big mouth but I’m sorry if I offended you. Romantic comedy turns me off because I find it neither romantic nor funny.
    Just my unsolicited opinion.

  12. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
    12

    I’m a big mouth but I’m sorry if I offended you. Romantic comedy turns me off because I find it neither romantic nor funny.

    You didn’t offend me, goose. I’m a fan of Sedaris too, actually. I’d like to write along the lines of him or Christopher Moore someday. Except, you know, with butt sex.

  13. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 6:49 pm
    13

    Can I put in my oar and say I love David Sedaris too? He is so laugh-out-loud funny. My fav. book by him is Me Talk Pretty One Day. Love the parts with the bitchy French teacher.
    As for romantic comedy, I must confess I’ve been trying my hand at it lately (don’t shoot me Barb. b.!) But I guess in my case, it’s more erotic comedy. Don’t worry tho, my next EC release is gonna be a dark, edgy vampire menage a trois called the Ceremony of Three with not a single giggle to be found. Just lots of hot sex and a bit of m/m action. Oh yeah, and anal. Butt-loads of anal. No pun intended. lol Evangeline

  14. Melissa
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
    14

    Butt-loads of anal.

    Huh huh u huh huh. She said anal. Heh heheheheh u heh! She said butt!! And loads too! Oh, i’m so mature. What is it with a day without a “Beavis and Butthead” reference that makes me sad?

  15. KariBelle
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 1:01 am
    15

    Heh-Heh-Heh. The whole “Butt-loads of anal” statement makes me feel a bit giddy as well. That’s what happens when I stay up this late.

  16. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 6:34 am
    16

    See? This is why I don’t write more anal sex. Cause you guys are totally immature about it. lol
    If you can’t grow up, no more anal sex for you!!!
    Evangeline

  17. Danielle
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 9:39 am
    17

    Starring .. Lindsay Lohan and George Clooney? Anyone? Anyone?

  18. Nicolette
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
    18

    Um, I think I need examples here — what is romantic comedy as opposed to what Bam should be writing? I mean, Bam’s funny, and writes funny, so what would she be writing? Is romantic comedy too slap-sticky?

  19. Bam
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
    19

    Is romantic comedy too slap-sticky?

    I’m assuming that Barb is talking about the zany, wacky shit that Mrs. Giggles can’t stand, either. Like it’s supposed to be “funny” so the author writes the heroine as a bumbling retard who falls down a lot or walks into walls or gets into “wacky situations” and hijinks and shit. I hate that, too.

    If I were to write comedy, I think I’d pass on the slapstick and aim for… umm… well, not hijinks. the word “hijinks” will not be appearing in any of my books. Wackiness will not ensue, I swear it.

  20. Barbara B.
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
    20

    Yeah Bam, you described exactly what I’m talking about with the romantic comedy. It’s like they’re trying too hard and it’s just not funny. Only tiresome. I know there are people who love that stuff but it pisses me off. Maybe I just haven’t found the right type of romantic comedy.

    I can hardly wait for the book that Evangeline described. It’s just what I like best, dark and with lots of butt banging fun.

  21. E.Anderson
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
    21

    Barb,
    If I send you a free copy will you at least *try* my erotic comedy? I promise it’s not slap-sticky and you might like it. C’mon, give me a chance, huh? It’s not so bad, I promise. Also there’ some pretty hot S&M type sex in it. I want to see if I can win you over. : ) Write me at vangiekitty@aol.com and put Barb in the subject line.
    Evangeline

  22. KimD
    Posted: Aug 30th, 2006 at 2:10 am
    22

    This looks….whimsical. I don’t do whimsical. At.all. Whimsy definitely falls under the romantic comedy genre, which like Barbara I don’t find funny or romantic.

    Also, I am not a fan of cartoon covers. Why? It conveys whimsy. I think I’ve only broken down for Emma Holly, b/c her Black Lace titles were reissued with cartoonish covers and I desperately wanted to get my hands on those books. But then, I had read EH before, so I knew the cartoon cover was misleading.

    Finally, I’d pass this book up based on the cover alone but now that I know it’s about elderly love? Good for them, but yeah, I don’t do that either, LOL.

  23. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 30th, 2006 at 6:32 am
    23

    I think it’s kind of sad that we’re so humg up on youth we won’t even consider an older hero and heroine. But I have to confess that I feel the same way. The whole reason I lost interest in the Outlander series by Diana Gabeldon (sp?) is that after the first two books she sent the heroine away and didn’t let her get back together with the hero until she was in her 40s.
    As an author, I never write a heroine who is older than early 30s. Well, we’re an age-ist society–what are you gonna do?
    Evangeline

  24. Anonymous
    Posted: Sep 25th, 2006 at 10:10 pm
    24

    Gee, ya’ll are all a sad bunch… No sex over 30? Phft! No humor? No wacky situations? What a hum-drum bunch. I hate to tell you but sex IS funny. And hot. And loving. And rough. And whatever else turns you on. Ought to know–working on 40 years with the old guy and still goin’ strong! How would you survive that long without humor????

    tuffoldgirl

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