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The Life of a Gay Cowboy

I like the title of this book. “Saddle Optional”. That’s a double entendre, yes? ‘Cause “bareback” means “no condom”? Eww. If I had to have sex with this dude, I would insist he wore a condom… maybe even three at the same time. I don’t want his nasty bits touching my delicate girl insides. On second thought, if I had to have sex with this dude ’cause my life depended on it, I would gladly take the shotgun like they’re holding on me and point it at my forehead, like in Jeff Goldblum in the Fly (spoiler!). He just looks dirty and not in a good way. I bet dude emits funk that would peel the paint off the walls. He also looks homeless. I bet the other homeless people, even the guy who eats poop, would stay away from him ’cause he smells. Also, this guy’s shorts are so… tiny that I can’t believe his junk isn’t sticking out of both sides. Ewww. How can anybody work strenuously if they’re having to pick an atomic wedgie out of their asses like every four steps? And why is he wearing a belt, but not through the belt loops? Who does he think he is, Keira Knightley? At least he knows how to accessorize, though. Check out the nasty little red kerchief he’s got tied around his neck. Is he trying out to be a member of a Village People tribute band? God, I can’t look at this thing anymore. It makes me queasy. I’m just happy that I can’t see his face, too, ’cause I’d probably be poking out my own eyes right about now.

Thanks for the cover, Laura!

This entry was posted on Monday, August 28th, 2006 at 8:34 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to “The Life of a Gay Cowboy”

  1. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 9:25 am
    1

    yeah–you finally got a new cover! I was so sick of ponytail man.
    I have to agree with you on this guy (I assume this is a m/m novel, btw?) He’s nasty looking and his man titties are saggy. It’s like he used to be in really good shape and has been letting himself go recently. Maybe his boyfriend left him so he’s decided there’s no point in going to the gym anymore. Also, I know that’s probably hair on his chest but it looks kinda like dirt. Ugh. A dirty gay cowboy in tiny ill-fitting shorts with saggy man-boobs–I’ll pass.

  2. Lyn
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
    2

    Eeeeeww! He looks like he’s 50 and just starting to let himself go. Those shorts (can you call them that??) should be outlawed and as for the belt. Please tell me it’s not a gunbelt.

  3. mapletree7
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
    3

    is it me or is that a fake horse?

  4. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
    4

    Umm… I think it’s a wooden horse, actually. Wait… it looks like paper mache! How odd.

  5. April Martinez
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
    5

    Thought I’d pop in to answer some questions brought up…

    Just looked up the blurb, and no, apparently it’s not a m/m romance. It should be, though. I’ve seen the original stock photo description — the cowboy is riding a fake horse at a gay pride parade. I’ve actually passed over using the photo for a cover myself.

  6. Bam
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
    6

    I’ve seen the original stock photo description — the cowboy is riding a fake horse at a gay pride parade.

    SHUT UP. Jesus, ain’t that the shit. Oh, man, that makes this cover even more comic gold.

    I love you, April.

  7. Shawna
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
    7

    You forgot to mention the love handles and lack of shoulders… and those vein-y hands… eew.

    Ah, I see. That’s why he has the belt. It’s cause he’s gained too much wait around the middle to fasten the button… really.

    Signed, A different Shawna

  8. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Aug 28th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
    8

    April,
    Good call on passing this one up. Ugh! So nasty. Gives the phrase ‘getting a woody’ a whole different meaning. Evangeline

  9. Kate R
    Posted: Aug 29th, 2006 at 10:32 am
    9

    If he took a shower, put on some decent jeans (and tossed those cut-offs, neckerchief and belt into the “Goes To Britney” giveaway pile), straightened up (stop slouching, young man) . . . maybe he’d be presentable. Can’t really judge his potential from this photo.

  10. readergirl
    Posted: Sep 6th, 2006 at 8:52 am
    10

    Whatever happened to reading a story first before judging? It’s the story that counts.
    Any author that would bash another author is one that will never go on my list of books to read — it’s in poor taste to criticize another author or their work publicly.
    I feel sorry for Ms. Moore to have her work criticized like this. Hopefully she’ll realize that maligning stuff like this isn’t important. It’s what her readers think that is.

  11. Bam
    Posted: Sep 6th, 2006 at 9:22 am
    11

    Dude… what do you think “cover snark” means? Get a sense of humor, readergirl, for realz.

    As I am a reader, I am also an eater of babies, a kicker of puppies, a pusher of old people (especially when they’re standing in front of me in lines) and an all around cantankerous WHOOOORE.

  12. Karen Scott
    Posted: Sep 6th, 2006 at 2:57 pm
    12

    “Whatever happened to reading a story first before judging?”

    Readergirl? Are you for real?

    I’m thinking that you’re either:

    A: The Author herself

    or:

    B: A rabid fangirl who has been directed here, and who obviously can’t read properly.

    Bam, that cover sucks so bad, it hurts. Mind you, it is Venus Press after all, so you can’t expect too much.

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