Here’s the Green Arrow, a man who loves his weapons and knows how to use ‘em. Work it, baby, woooooork it! And he’s got an Arrow Cave, you guys! I didn’t know Arrows lived in caves. Silly thing.

And Superman! Why does the Big Blue Boy Scout always look so solemn? Do you think he looks this serious when he’s getting biz-ay? Well, if he does, it’s only ’cause he’s concentratin’! Speaking of Superman, you guys gotta read this if you haven’t already. Brilliant!

Man, who wants to be the meat in that superhero sandwich? I do! I do!

Good Lord, what are they trying to advertise here, a soft-core porno starring Tawny Peaks and Duke “Big” Johnson or the gorgeous women of professional wrestling? Seriously, I can’t get over how tacky this cover is. What is sexy about it, pray tell? The overly bleached blonde with the obviously fake bazooms who looks like she’d blow any dude for ten bucks in a dark alley for crack money? And check out her eyes. She’s either sleepy or her lids are collapsing under the sheer amount of eyeliner she’s got on there. What kind of audience is this cover trying to attract, thirteen year old boys? According to the blurb, this woman is supposed to be a “Delicant–a prized pleasure slave”. Sure, I believe that. If “delicant” meant dirty, dirty peroxide whore with big fake boobs and has sex with men and women on film, especially if the film were titled “Delicant: Gangbang 2006!”. I would have preferred it if the guy was standing in front of the chick, instead. I mean, other than the fact that his hair is obviously photoshopped, he’s not bad-looking. He’s got that dark, possibly “crazy” look that some of you bitches seem to like. Good heavens, he even looks like a Torc. He’s got nice man-titty, too, though he may have less body hair than the woman. Yeah, stick the dumb blonde in the back! Nay, let’s just remove the blonde and her stupid fake books entirely. Hooray for explotation of men!

Thanks to Anonymous for this cover.

From Reader A.M.

Aside from the obvious ugh factor of this cover, I’ll point out that in the book the hero is described as having black hair. *sigh* I remember the good old days when Harlequin had hot men who looked like the characters on the cover, or at the very least hot men.

I was actually pretty surprised to find that this was a Harlequin book. I’d completely forgotten that Harlequin has a historical line. Anyway, dude looks more like an accountant than a gladiator. He would last maybe ten seconds with a real gladiator, then the emperor would have the lions released and he’s so finished. Also, is it me or does he look like Tom from The 4400? Hell, I have a hard enough time believing Tom as a badass government agent, with his puppy dog sad eyes and eighty dollar haircut, much less a gladiator. I don’t know if this is just a bad scan, but I’m not a fan of the blurriness. I like details on my cover, damn it. Sure, sometimes, there’s too much details, but I can barely see anything on this guy. I’m not impressed with his sword at all, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. We don’t even get man-titty. Boo.

Thanks for the cover, A.M.!

I ought to stop posting pictures of pretty, pretty boys and go back to cover snarking. But damn, this boy is hawt. In a romance novel, he’d be the one playing the firefighter or the popular guy in high school that you had ONE SPECIAL NIGHT with then dumped you due to a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING and broke your heart forever. And also, probably the secret daddy of your secret baby. Yeah, he’s that guy. He’s just so gorgeous in a clean, All-American way… like a superhero! In fact, he was almost Aquaman, but the CW put the kibosh on it before the pilot even aired. Damn you, CW!

You know who else is so super-hot he makes my teeth hurt? This guy.

He’ll seduce you, take you home, shag your brains out, and sneak out while you’re sleeping with the contents of your wallet in his pocket (what, do you think drug dealers would just give you heroin ’cause you’re hot?), but damn he’d be worth it. However, for those of you who like to live on the wilder side and prefer your men… shall we say, a little swarthier, check this dude out.