Dressing in the Dark
Here’s a reason why you should never get dressed in the dark: You might accidentally put on a wedding cake. Oh Vishnu, that dress is horrendous. Vera Wang would take one look at that thing and have a brain anneurysm, poor thing. First of all, the dress appears to be pulling her breasts unnaturally to her sides, aside from flattening them like pancakes. Secondly, is the bitch wearing a black bra? Like, eww. Everyone knows you never wear a black bra underneath a white anything! Thirdly, those flaring things at her hips seem to be emphasizing her belly, making her look pregnant and that can’t be right because the pinched look on her face tells me the bitch hasn’t been laid in months. Lastly, what the hell is that thing in front of her? Yes, yes, I know it’s supposed to be a candle or something silly like that, but it certainly looks like a penis, doesn’t it? Phallic much? Um hello! It might as well be a glaring neon pink arrow that says, “Yes, this way to my vagina!” Also, is it me or does she look vaguely… simian? And who is that guy standing next her in the mirror? Dear God, is that Tom Petty? How sad. When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that if a girl wants to find out who she will marry one day, she’s supposed to look into a full-length mirror at midnight with a penis-shaped candle in her hand. It’s all true, except for the penis-shaped candle part. It’s too bad that this poor girl has to marry Tom Petty one day. He’s totally a skeleton.
Thanks to Kimber for this cover!
Last 5 posts by bam
October 2, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Actually the reflection has a Princess Leia/Han Solo vibe to me…but I think the dress is supposed to be Victorian.
October 2, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Candle? What candle? (rubbing eyes) Isn’t it an umbrella? And that’s not a black bra but a reflection of being down-lit. Oh my, am I actually defending this cover?! EEEEEKKKKKK
October 2, 2006 at 1:17 pm
No, not an umbrella… duh. Parasol.
October 2, 2006 at 2:41 pm
No, not an umbrella… duh. Parasol.
Obviously I need to get my eyes checked ’cause that IS a parasol. Dang.
October 2, 2006 at 6:07 pm
ERg–anything to do with looking in a mirror and seeing something besides your refelction really creeps me out. I think it dates back to summer camp when I was a kid and we played ‘Bloody Mary’. Did anybody else play that? I still won’t look in a mirror in a dark room. It gives me the chills.
October 3, 2006 at 2:38 am
How come she’s standing with her back to the mirror, yet it is showing her front? Creepy!
October 3, 2006 at 6:19 am
That is the most penile parisol I’ve ever seen. And don’t get me started on the frock horror of that dress. This woman is up for a spot on Go Fug Yourself. I can see it now:
Concerned with hiding her manly guns, Clarissa decided to go with a Victorian-style wedding dress. But why is she wearing a black demi cup bra and how the cream-colored bedroom curtains become attached to the bottom of the gown? Of course, the parisol is a nice touch for fending off rude groomsmen.
October 3, 2006 at 7:10 am
I spit coffee reading the first line of this snark. Put on a wedding cake…hahahahahahaha.
Darragha
October 3, 2006 at 2:38 pm
I think its a sad state of mind when the umbrella appears phallic to you.
I wonder what is going on in the mirror. It looks like a bad reflection of the CRAZY video with Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler.