I was just thinking that there’s something severely fucked up about this cover. It looks like a Grimms Faerie Tale where the virginal princess is swept away by an anorexic dude in a skirt. Oh, princess, don’t run away with him! He lives on blood and embalming fluid and sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber! Shouldn’t romance heroes have a healthy golden tan? Dude has the pallid paleness of a corpse. Not sexy. Dude also has to refresh his highlights and shit ’cause his roots are starting to show. It’s funny, but when I first saw this cover, I thought, “Brad Pitt in Fight Club.” Hee! More like Brad Pitt in Dawn of the Dead (yes, I know Brad Pitt has never been in a zombie movie). Can you just imagine waking up from your dream and see this dude standing before you, holding out his cold, clammy hand to you? Ewww… Maybe he’s only after the princess because her skirt looks like some kind of cake and he’s soooo very hungry. All kidding aside, I really like this cover. There’s something very Tim Burton-ish about it.  All gloomy and kind of creepy, yet romantic at the same time. Has anyone read this book? I’m too lazy to look up the blurb, but I want to know if this is about a Scottish warrior who comes back from the dead to claim  his faerie princess.

Thanks to my beloved Sybil for this cover.

So I finally got it. Yay! And it looks just like this picture. Yay! And it reads RTFs like a dream! Yay! And PDFs too. Yay! But not that well. Boo! And the screen looks just like paper. Yay! And I have to convert every single one of my PDFs to RTFs so I can see it better. Boo! Because this thing can’t size PDFs very well. Boo. But I have an ebook reader. Yay! Thanks to my parents!

P.S. As a result of this, I just may start reviewing more ebooks. Watch out now!

Grade: A

I’m one of those readers who’s pretty good at figuring out the killer after only a few chapters (some of us can knit, some can play the piano with their toes, I’m mothafucking Columbo, yo). Sometimes I can pinpoint the killer from reading the back blurb. It can be really frustrating to know the identity of the killer from the first few chapters and have to wait for the main character to catch up with you. With this book, Mr. Lindsay very helpfully provides us with the identity of the killer on page one. Darkly Delicious Dexter. Deftly Discerning Dexter. Deviantly Delightful Dexter. Our Dementedly Dashing Dexter is a serial killer in the vein of Patrick Bateman, except he’s… well, he’s a very nice guy. And he only kills people who “deserves” killing. Oh, and Bret Easton Ellis is a pretentious one-note hack and an asshole. Though Dexter is a chillingly unemotional sociopath and enjoyed killing small furry animals as a child, I instantly liked him. He’s charming, clever, funny, and… well, he’s really nice. He’s the kind of guy you’d see on the news and be surprised at how handsome and harmless he looks even though he has killed 36 people. There would be neighbors saying, “I am just absolutely devastated. He just seemed so… nice.” But Dexter is a monster. Sure, he’s the kind of monster you’d want to tie up and lick all over, but he’s still a monster. A hot, gorgeous, murdering one. Not that this book is perfect or anything. Lindsay seems to delight in reminding us that Dexter is craaaaazy. Yes, Dexter is crazy. That’s why he’s a serial killer. We get it, yes. Thank you, Mr. Lindsay. If you hadn’t told us a hundred times in a row that Dexter is a loon, we never would have gotten it. What, Dexter’s crazy? You don’t say! I was also a little confused as to why Dexter speaks in the vernacular of a 19th century English schoolmarm. Can anyone explain this to me?

(more…)

I’ve had a thing for Harry Dresden from the very first book. He’s just so clever and funny and nice, yet he’s a flawed character, too. I enjoy his interactions with his little skull sidekick and the will-they-or-won’t-they relationship he has with Murph, the police detective he often works with. But dude, I’ve never looked at a cover of a Dresden book and thought, “Man, Harry is mothafuckin’ fine.” Until now. Maybe it’s my menstrual hormones or whatev, but damn, check out homeboy. He is lookin’ mighty fine, like a pissed off James Marsden or something. He’s all grim and brooding and holding his staff (hee!) with total authority. Yo, he is even working the shit out of that fog! I’ve always thought of Harry as a grown up version of that Potter kid except raised in Chicago, but I think the Potter kid will grow up looking more like k.d. lang than homeboy over here, you know what I’m sayin’? Damn, he’s even rockin’ the shit out of his foofy trenchcoat. Thugs be goin’ up to Harry sayin’ shit like, “Dude, why you lookin’ like a reject from Rocky Horror and shit?” And he’d point his staff (yes, it does look like a penis head) at them and zzzzzzap! See ya, sucker. Man oh man, I do love the cover of this book. It makes me wanna shill out the 20 bucks for it. I usually only buy LKH on hardcover (’cause I’m an idiot), but I may just make an exception for Mr. Dresden ova here. C’mere, sugar. Show me how you work that staff.

Oh, and happy thanksgiving, bitches!

Hey, you guys, remember that “Torn” chick? Like when that song first came out, everyone was singing, I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel… I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor but then the radio stations wouldn’t stop playing it and every time you heard it, it made you want to jam an ice pick into your eardrums? And remember the music video where she had that cute pixie haircut and she’s all dancing around in a cute little hoodie while her boyfriend was moving out? Man, I had a big ole lesbo crush on her back then. Anyway, what I meant to say from the very beginning is that the chick on this cover looks a lot like the “Torn” chick, but also like that chick from the O.C. Man, look at her skin. So pretty, so flawless… I wanna bite her cheek. She’s got an ethereal loveliness that Tim Burton would positively kill for. And oh, that button nose. This girl is adorable. But what the hell is that thing behind her? Seriously, it looks like a fucked-up inflatable love doll or something. Dude ought to sue his plastic surgeon ’cause I think he done messed up his pec implants. Honestly, I think he forgot to put the other one in. And did the mad doctor also remove his other shoulder while he was under? What would be the purpose of that? Madness, I tell you! Or maybe he’s in the process of transforming into a blob-like thing and he’s about to eat the “Torn” chick. Noooooo! Leave her alone, you bastard! Poor “Torn” chick. I don’t think she even knows what’s going on behind her. She’s probably too busy thinking up lyrics to convey her emo gloominess.