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Definitely Not a Colgate Commercial

I read the blurb of this book on its publisher’s site and I thought the story sounded familiar. It’s been a while since I read Time Without End by Linda Lael Miller (we’re talking 10 years ago), but the story is kind of similar. Both are about vampires whose “true loves” were human females who’ve died and are reincarnated into a modern woman. Both are trying to save their skeptical ladyloves from a murderous brother, although in Miller’s version, the brother was a vampire, but here the murderous brother is reincarnated through a murderous cad. Anyway, back to this cover. I feel bad for the male because he looks like he’s had a very bad stroke that affected the right side of his body. It’s kind of limp, no? He seems to have also contracted a particularly nasty case of gingivitis on that side, too. He ought to get that fang fixed. It looks snaggly. I wonder if vampires can wear braces. Oh, wait, I get it. His face is supposed to portray his two sides: good and evil (why is the good side drawn with a greenish hue? Is he a zombie?). Clever. Well, at least the artist was successful in making him look like Gabriel Byrne as a stroke victim. The girl, on the other hand, looks like a simpering, helpless blonde in the vein of Drew Barrymore before she got gutted in the first five minutes of Scream. I bet she breathlessly protests about everything the good vampire tells her and beats him on the chest with her ineffectual little fists. What the hell kind of pose is that, anyway? Is that Lifetouch approved? I am impressed that she managed to execute that pose without making her neck disappear. Tyra would be proud. Fierce!

Kids, you may thank Laura for this cover.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 2nd, 2006 at 9:03 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

14 Responses to “Definitely Not a Colgate Commercial”

  1. Jackie
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 10:34 am
    1

    He reminds me more of Nick Cage than Gabriel Byrne…

  2. Suisan
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 10:36 am
    2

    Is it just the scan, or is there really a faint line separating the good side from the evil side?

  3. meljean brook
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 11:15 am
    3

    Suisan — I was wondering that, too.

  4. Melissa
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 6:41 pm
    4

    Newbie here. Great blog! After reading lots of back reviews I’m relieved to know that I’m not the only person freaked out by “posers”. I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me not liking them as there seemed to be so many on covers out there. Anyway, I can’t think of anything that has made me laugh harder than your reviews. Awesome.

    Funny how everyone’s perception of the cover dude is different. He actually put me in mind of the Baldwin brother that did Backdraft (?Daniel maybe).

    Keep the snark coming!
    Melissa

  5. A.M. Hartnett
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 6:49 pm
    5

    That’s a damn shame. It had the potential to be a nice cover, what with Billy Baldwin and his green eyes so well done, but then they cut his face in half and put a drag queen on the other side.

  6. Laura
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 7:43 pm
    6

    Geez, I thought he looked like Adrien Brody…….

    If you cover half his face with your hand, and start switching back and forth, it gets even creepier. Or is that crappier?

  7. Saam
    Posted: Nov 2nd, 2006 at 8:52 pm
    7

    thanks for the hint laura, he’s definitely a Baldwin. Still, I wouldn’t buy this one for the yummy cover *snort*

  8. Bonnie Dee
    Posted: Nov 3rd, 2006 at 9:00 am
    8

    That split personality cover may have been good in theory, but in execution….
    Hm. The lopsided thing is not working. I don’t see this cover and think, “Ooh, hot vampire guy!”

  9. Barbara B.
    Posted: Nov 3rd, 2006 at 10:05 am
    9

    He’s got a trailer trash vibe going. Vamps in the trailer park! Now that would be fierce!

  10. Joanne
    Posted: Nov 3rd, 2006 at 12:57 pm
    10

    “Geez, I thought he looked like Adrien Brody…….”

    AAARGH! LEAVE ADRIEN OUT OF THIS! XD

    LOL at the Lifetouch thing, Bam. The whole senior pics pose is so stupid… hell, I wouldn’t have posed like that for senior pics.

  11. Annie Dean
    Posted: Nov 4th, 2006 at 10:04 am
    11

    Forget the cover, I think she should’ve picked Rebecca Cummings for a pseudonym instead.

  12. Joanne
    Posted: Nov 4th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
    12

    “Forget the cover, I think she should’ve picked Rebecca Cummings for a pseudonym instead.”

    BWAHAHAHAHA!

  13. Isabella Snow
    Posted: Nov 6th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
    13

    Gasp! I *love* Gabriel Byrne and I don’t think he looks like him at all!!

    I didn’t get the 2 faces thing though.. Jesus I must be an idiot. I just thought it was supposed to be an Elvis-ish vampire.

    Personally, I think the boy looks a bit like Billy Baldwin.

  14. melissa
    Posted: Nov 7th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
    14

    It totally looks like Two-Face, Harvey Dent as a vampire. As if one half of his body was brought across and the other stayed human. ‘Splains the lopsided fanged snarl.

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