The Magic Va-Gee-Na of Doooooom!

Huh. I just read the review of this book by Mrs Giggles and I gotta tell ya, that sassy old bird never fails to crack my shit up. Check this out:

Men are dying all over Europe. They were found dead with big smiles on their faces and bigger, er, flagpoles, if you know what I mean. And one woman is responsible for their deaths: teenaged heroine Nicollette Caron! She literally screws her lovers to death! But she doesn’t mean it! All she wants is love! Two men vie for her deadly Crotch of Doom (I hope the people at LKH Lashouts won’t mind me borrowing this phrase for this review): the best detective in England, Jackson Lang, and the most handsome Lord Baston! When Queen Victoria decides that she wants to see the hussy’s head roll (literally) for the things Nicollette is doing to the pious men of England, what will happen next?

Well, I’ll be damned. The Mary Sue Va-jay-jay of Doom. I wonder what kills the men. Are her sexual acrobatics so powerful that they literally stop the hearts of the men she takes to bed? Or is she perhaps the carrier of a particularly virulent form of syphillis and all you gotta do is touch her crotch and you die? Oh my Science, what if her love muffin is actually a VENUS FLY TRAP? Anita Blake would only wish she had that power. Man, it would be so awesome if Anita started killing off men—-supernaturals and humans alike—-with her vagina in the next book. At least it would get rid of the glut of morons fawning over her.

Cover-wise, it’s really very attractive. The girl is pretty (look at those pouting red lips), the red gown she’s wearing as well as all the reds in the background are eye-popping, and there’s just something about it that compels you to look at it. It’s all very erotic. Even the title is intriguing. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? And the subtitle: Who will be the next to die of pleasure in her bed? Ooh. Too bad Mrs. Giggles gave it a 52.

Thanks for saving me 14 bones, Mrs. G! You’re awesome.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 21st, 2006 at 8:55 am and is filed under Covers, Et Cetera. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “The Magic Va-Gee-Na of Doooooom!”

darragha
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 9:45 am

Mrs. Giggles rocks. I enjoy her reviews–even not-so-positive ones of my books! However, my absolute favorite review of hers is: http://www.mrsgiggles.com/books/auel_valley.html

Everytime I read it, I laugh until I wet myself. My cousin and I used to refer to Auel’s “The Plains of Passage” as “Pissing Across the Plains of Passage” as every other page, the hero, Jondalar, urinates. Mrs. G. refers to him as “Dongalar.” I love it.

Bonnie Dee
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 9:48 am

That’s the most beautifullest cover I’ve seen in a long time. I love it! I want it. Too bad it sounds like the book isn’t up to snuff, but I’d almost buy it just to possess that gorgeous cover.

Laura
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 9:58 am
3

Well, Harriet Klausner liked it.

bam
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 10:08 am

Author Comment

Laura, if I crapped on a piece of notebook paper and sent it to Ms. Klausner with a stamp on it that said ARC, she’d totally like it.

that woman hasn’t come across a book she didn’t like.

Oddly enough, this book got pretty good reviews on Amazon and Barnes & Noble (4-5 stars). I trust Mrs. G, though. I’ve enjoyed most of the books she has placed on her keeper list so far.

darragha
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 10:17 am

I will agree, the cover is gorgeous. Reminds me of another favorite cover: A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. Gorgeous!

Lorelie
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 12:54 pm
6

Now THAT’S a fire crotch. . .

colleen
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 12:55 pm

I read it, Bam, and thought it was okay. I felt like there were lots of loose threads throughout the book that weren’t followed up on, and we’re given no indication that a second book would do so: eg, characters that were introduced, given their own POV and scenes, but with no affect on the plot. I thought the ending was odd, too.

Jackie
Posted: Nov 21st, 2006 at 1:26 pm

Hey, there ain’t nuthin wrong with a lady that fucks her men to death…

(Of course, it depends on the circumstances.)

;-)

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