According to Sybil, this particular entry in the series will feature Edward, our favorite sociopathic serial killer without a soul. Next to Dexter, that is. ‘Cause schyeaaaah, Dexter’s way hotter. And he doesn’t smell like Anita’s stanky cooze. Oh, science, I just made myself throw up in my mouth while typing that. I’m sorry, but I can’t get myself excited over this anymore. I don’t even have the energy to work up a good solid rant. I just feel… I don’t know… dead inside about this. As much as I love Edward, I’m afraid he’s only going to become a member of Anita’s menagerie of cocks (and their penises). The very thought of it kills me inside; it really, really does. Who here thinks Anita will have sex with Edward? Raise your hands! Edward was the only untainted character left in the Anita Blake universe. I used to like Ronnie Simms, who was Anita’s human best friend, but she has since become a prejudiced, small-minded, jealous cow who just cain’t understand Anita. But Ronnie used to be able to keep Anita grounded; she had real solid advice for her and Anita followed them. Ronnie kept her human. But now that Ronnie’s been character assassinated, all Anita has left is Edward. And it looks like Edward might be heading for the dark side as well (the dark side being Anita’s stanky herpes-ridden cooze). Unless… say, what are the chances of Edward finding Anita in the middle of an orgy (100% likely) and realizing that there’s no way he can save her, so he unloads his uzi and double barrel sawed off shotgun on Anita and her men? Maybe LKH is as tired of Anita as we are and is bringing back Edward TO END IT ALL. Awesome.
All kidding aside, this is a seriously nice cover, ain’t it? Don’t fall for it, kids. It’ll be like taking a big bite of chocolate-covered something and finding a big ole squirming caterpillar in the middle. Run the other way, children. RUN!
Last 5 posts by bam
- Review: Tempestuous Reunion by Lynne Graham - May 18th, 2012
- Review: Their Newborn Gift by Nikki Logan - May 15th, 2012
- Review: Gimme a Kiss by Christopher Pike - May 9th, 2012
- Review: Fair Coin by E.C. Myers - May 6th, 2012
- Site Reconstruction - May 5th, 2012
December 4, 2006 at 1:20 pm
SBTB’s looking for LKH dirt today. I have no idea what they’re talking about but I did like the comments.
“In her next book, ‘Sexy Restaurant Name’ Anita Blake defeats God in hand-to-hand combat while simultaneously having sex with the entire vampiric council (except the women). Later in the book, she discovers her newfound power of shitting gold bricks, each of which is regarded as a holy relic by the local werewolf pack.)”
Is a good one.
December 4, 2006 at 1:50 pm
ok… Audra and I are beside ourselves with pure hatred. She should leave dear sweet Edward alone and where he was comfortable in Obsidian Butterfly. Audra is derranged about the coming of this book and shes on the same wavelength with you dearest Bam. She keeps telling me shes going to commit mass homicide and possibily start burning any work by LKH that she can find… this doesn’t bode well for Scotland. i think this book could be the one that breaks Anita’s backside… unless of course Edward is going to go that route anyway.
Sweet Edward, what has she done to you!?!
December 4, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Not Edward for fuck’s sake! He’s the only one of her character’s that I ever liked. What the hell is wrong with LKH? Why do her readers let her get away with so completely nullifying her own characters? I just can’t go along with this kind of bullshit. She obviously should have ended the series years ago but it’s a fucking cash cow so she’s destroying the integrity of her own work. Or she’s fallen into the trap of identifying too closely with Anita Blake and can’t let her go.
December 4, 2006 at 4:54 pm
I’m still seriously crushing on Edward, and I’m freaked out over the possibility that Anita might fuck him. God, no. Please, let him kill her dead, dead, dead. Better yet, let the creepy serial killer from OB stalk and kill her — and let Edward watch.
Barbara: I think LKH lost a lot of readers (including moi) with all of Anita’s sexscapades, overall shallowness, and lack of plot. (Remember when there used to be more plot than Anita getting fucked six ways to Sunday before hitting page 20?) But as long as she continues to hit bestseller stardom, she’ll do whatever the fuck she wants. Bully for her, and for her remaining fans. I hope they’re all satisfied with the series. Me, I haven’t been for a long time, and I won’t be buying TH.
December 4, 2006 at 6:04 pm
hmmmm – after going back and reading the Micah rant and comments, i think y’all brought this on yourselves. Note how many times Edward was mentioned, and how many people said they’d read the book if it was about Edward. Uh-huh. The truth is that LKH is secretly addicted to Bam and skims for ideas through her blog comments. Yup. So be careful whatcha wish for….
December 4, 2006 at 6:30 pm
The truth is that LKH is secretly addicted to Bam and skims for ideas through her blog comments. Yup. So be careful whatcha wish for….
Now this made me giggle.
Hmm. Just in case there’s any truth/Science to the whole being careful what you wish for thing…
I WISH TO BECOME A NATIONAL BESTSELLING AUTHOR.*
((Waits hopefully for the mojo/Science to kick in…))
* Before I die.
December 4, 2006 at 8:53 pm
I love Edward. I’m just curious if this is his first entry in the series after Obsidian Butterfly? Obviously, that was the last Anita Blake book I read from cover to cover.
December 5, 2006 at 2:34 am
That’s a gorgeous, naughty, sexy cover, but…I’m done with the Anita series. Narcissus In Chains was the last one I read and I really had to struggle to get through it. I love erotica, but it was just heartbreaking to see those wonderful crime/mystery elements and the tantalizing sexual tension between Anita, Jean-Claude and Richard go flying out the window. What the fuck? She really destroyed an amazing series IMO.
But even so, I still recommend the first 8-10 books to friends. Fabulous stuff, but such a shame it all went to hell. *sigh*
December 5, 2006 at 3:18 am
Y’all gotta go check out Jackie’s upcoming book – i just followed her link, read up on “Hell’s Belles” and for everyone lamenting and tearing up your “I love Anita Blake” bumper stickers – check out Jackie’s upcoming hot stuff – due out in January. Looks like Bammster has the cover over on the right.
Jackie – your wish garnered you at least ONE new reader! GRIN!
December 5, 2006 at 5:01 am
In case anyone’s wondering, Rhian is not on my payroll. (But with PR like this, that may change!) Thanks, sweetie!
I love Edward. I’m just curious if this is his first entry in the series after Obsidian Butterfly? Obviously, that was the last Anita Blake book I read from cover to cover.
Don’t I wish, Keishon. But no — after OB, there was Narcissus In Chains, which I think a lot of fans agree was the real departure for the series. I remember reading this one Anita-Richard-JC scene where they’re basically dry humping one another, in public, presumably to solidify their triumvirate of power or some such, and I was like, Whaaaaa? It read like, felt like, a sex scene Just Because. Know what I mean? Anyway, after NIC, there was Cerulean Sins, Incubus Dreams, Micah, and Danse Macabre. Edward doesn’t appear in any of these, which is a kind of saving grace. I love, love, love Edward. I want to have psychotic, gun-happy babies with him. Lurv him. Even when he pretends to be normal (yeah, for part of OB, I was like, This isn’t the REAL Edward. But it’s fun to watch).
So I think we need to elect a Designated Reader for The Harlequin — one who will suffer through all the sexscapades and MarySueness and whatnot to report on What LKH Does To Edward. A spy, if you will.
Bam, whatcha think?
December 5, 2006 at 5:25 am
thanks Jackie, for the info. Now I am afraid. Very afraid. Of what she might do to Edward’s character. Because Jean-Claude and Richard are all sorta different from what they used to be. I nominate Bam to read this one. I know she’s gonna get it. She can’t help herself.
December 5, 2006 at 6:44 am
Nope – not on Jackie’s payroll – but i am all about serving the greater good of the public by making every dang person i know aware of creative talent. Of course it’s the greater good as defined by me, but what the hell. Jackie – added your book to my blog – will letcha know if there’s any feedback.
And good luck finding a guinea pig to read the next LKH. I couldn’t finish Danse.
December 5, 2006 at 7:04 am
You rock, Rhian! And I hear you on the DM front: I think I made it to page 9.
December 5, 2006 at 7:15 am
Whooores. There’s no argument about this. Y’all know I’m going to do it anyway.
shut up, Keishon. You don’t gotta sound so smug.
December 5, 2006 at 7:20 am
Whooores. There’s no argument about this. Y’all know I’m going to do it anyway.
Love you, Bam! Lemme know when you’re about to sit down with it; I’ll send you some chocolate as a “thank you.” Yuuum: Edward and chocolate. Come on. Nothing bad can happen, right?
December 5, 2006 at 9:16 am
Cool cover.
But why doesn’t it say, “An ANITA BLAKE, Vampire Humper Novel”? Is there no truth in advertising anymore?
December 5, 2006 at 10:27 am
Annie – doncha mean “Anita Blake, Humps Everything Novel”?
December 5, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Oh, I am so looking forward to that review. It’s almost as if I am reading it, too. Hee. Thanks Bam. We luuuuvvvv you.
December 5, 2006 at 9:59 pm
I don’t really expect any Edward/Anita action in this book, or ever, but that’s only based on what I’ve read of LKH’s feelings about it and she’s been pretty adamant that Edward is family to Anita.
I’m just wondering for anyone familiar with things that LKH has said in her blog or to the fans before, but are there other plots or events that she said she would never write then did anyway? Just curious.
December 5, 2006 at 11:37 pm
Hey, Sam, I’m not a huge fan of her blog because every time I read a little bit of it, I end up wanting to pluck out my own eyes with rusty needle-nosed pliers and scrubbing them with a steel brush and boric acid, but hey that’s just me…
A lot has changed in the world of Anita. Maybe she’s willing to cross that line with family now too. remember how she used to say, “I don’t fuck monsters, I kill them”?
*sigh*
December 6, 2006 at 4:47 am
“Hey, Sam, I’m not a huge fan of her blog because every time I read a little bit of it, I end up wanting to pluck out my own eyes with rusty needle-nosed pliers and scrubbing them with a steel brush and boric acid, but hey that’s just me…”
As a recovering Anita Blake addict, I’ve found that reading LKH’s blogs on a regular basis have helped me *tremendously.* (Jim Butcher helps, too . . . plus the fact that I still can’t see the word “spill” without cringing.) It’s been 5 months, and I haven’t picked up Danse Macabre yet.
Yes, the blogs are these horrible, horrible, huge BLOCKS of text filled with self-centered, nonsensical, meandering diatribes — which often make you want to gauge out your own eyes — but reading them takes a lot less time and/or money than reading one of her wannabe doorstops. Plus, they can sometimes be fascinating in an OMG!TRAINWRECK sort of way.
Take 2 weeks ago, for instance. The woman spent a whole blog complaining about a huge “problem” with the Guilty Pleasures 2 comic book: the lack of ratman genitalia. (I kid you not.) A week later, she posted another blog where she chastised fans for starting/spreading “rumors” that she was unhappy with the comic. (Again, . . .I kid you not.) Since then, she’s posted several more blogs posting comic pics and talking about how much she luuurves the comic. (An exec at Dabel brothers must have given her a smack-down after the LKH fangirls invaded their inbox/message boards. *Snickers*)
Snark-ingly good stuff.
I swear, I don’t know what the woman needs more at this point: an editor, a thesaurus, or a good PR person.
December 6, 2006 at 8:09 am
She sure did and ends up sleeping with just about any monster with a penis. A LOT has changed in these books that I can’t force myself to read. Characters were assasinated, unrecognizable leaving only Anita, a monster with everybodys freaking power. Ridiculous. It became who is Anita saving this week? Jean-Claude is a shadow of his former self. He’s supposed to be a Master Vampire but even he needs Anita help, hello? Something is wrong with that picture. Let me stop, I’m getting annoyed now. SORRY.
December 6, 2006 at 6:33 pm
You’re both right. I’ve been to the blog and, just like the lingering fandom surrounding AB:VH, the phrase “sick fascination” can be applied to both.
I read all the books over the past year (I know – why?) and I’m definitely not blind to how far they’ve degenerated – I just wanted a perspective from the longer-time fans that experienced the full downfall as it was happening. I guess reading them like that in such a relatively short period of time, compared to the longtime fans, did me good. It wasn’t like I found a new series that I loved, and that love grew over a period of years, only to have it slowly turn to crap before my eyes. All the crap just kind of tumbled down once, on my head, and I was expecting it. A blessedly swift pain instead of long and drug out.
I just realized the previous paragraph makes me sound like a masochist and a sadist.
December 7, 2006 at 7:54 pm
I have been free from my addiction since NiC. And I am delurking to share my story. I can see that Bam you need help and so do so many others.
AB:VH 12 STEP PROGRAM
Step 1 – I admitted I am powerless over my addiction to Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novels – that my life had become unmanageable as I kept reading plotless, badly edited novels full of body counts numbered not in kills but in how many supernaturals were bedded.
Step 2 – I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity and help me refuse to be tempted to read or buy the next Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel.
Step 3 – I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God I understand to be a God that loves me and does not wish me to waste 4-5 hours of my life that I will never get back reading an Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel.
Step 4 – I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself and learned that I can live without vampires with drowning deep eyes, floor length hair, peek-a-boo shirts and over the knee leather boots.
Step 5 – I admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs which include overlooking plot inconsistencies, mangled French phrases and the unlikelihood of preternatural penis of immense proportions that instantly bring our heroine to shattering ecstasy
Step 6 – I was entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and help me to never buy another Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel again
Step 7 – I humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings and not be fooled by cover blurbs saying “Hamilton takes her world by the teeth and delivers another gripping installment…”
Step 8 – I made a list of all persons I had harmed by introducing them to the Anita Black Vampire Hunter novels, and I became willing to make amends to them all- to apoligize for introducing them to a series that had slowly, perceptibly and effortfully devolved into crap.
Step 9 – I made direct amends to such people I had introduced to the series wherever possible by telling them to under no circumstances read beyond Obsidian Butterfly lest they be scarred by images of wereleopards tumbling naked into bed like puppies, Anita acquiring a supernatural power every 60 pages or so, endless and artless descriptions of giving fellatio and or performing another unsexy and soulless sex act.
Step 10 – I continued to take personal inventory of why I was initially attracted to this series and hoping that these qualities would return- I read chapters of the next Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel in the library or at a Barnes & Noble. I realized I was wrong for doing so and promptly admitted it.
Step 11 – I sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand God, praying for knowledge of God’s will for me to live a productive life of enjoying novels that bring excitement and wonder instead of novels that leave me feeling duped, used and abused by an author who has abandoned what craft she has for a royalty check. I sought through prayer the knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry out that will and JUST PUT THE NEXT ANITA BLAKE VAMPIRE HUNTER NOVEL DOWN!!!
Step 12 – Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to other Anita Black Vampire Hunter novel addicts, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.
December 8, 2006 at 5:48 am
“All kidding aside, this is a seriously nice cover, ain’t it? Don’t fall for it, kids. It’ll be like taking a big bite of chocolate-covered something and finding a big ole squirming caterpillar in the middle. Run the other way, children. RUN!”
Thank you for that reminder. I’m holding tight to it with both fists, ’cause yeah, that’s a FINE cover. *le sigh*