Thank you for that reminder. I’m holding tight to it with both fists, ’cause yeah, that’s a FINE cover. *le sigh*

AB:VH 12 STEP PROGRAM

Step 1 - I admitted I am powerless over my addiction to Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novels - that my life had become unmanageable as I kept reading plotless, badly edited novels full of body counts numbered not in kills but in how many supernaturals were bedded.

Step 2 – I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity and help me refuse to be tempted to read or buy the next Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel.

Step 3 – I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God I understand to be a God that loves me and does not wish me to waste 4-5 hours of my life that I will never get back reading an Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel.

Step 4 – I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself and learned that I can live without vampires with drowning deep eyes, floor length hair, peek-a-boo shirts and over the knee leather boots.

Step 5 – I admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs which include overlooking plot inconsistencies, mangled French phrases and the unlikelihood of preternatural penis of immense proportions that instantly bring our heroine to shattering ecstasy

Step 6 – I was entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and help me to never buy another Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel again

Step 7 – I humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings and not be fooled by cover blurbs saying “Hamilton takes her world by the teeth and delivers another gripping installment…”

Step 8 – I made a list of all persons I had harmed by introducing them to the Anita Black Vampire Hunter novels, and I became willing to make amends to them all- to apoligize for introducing them to a series that had slowly, perceptibly and effortfully devolved into crap.

Step 9 – I made direct amends to such people I had introduced to the series wherever possible by telling them to under no circumstances read beyond Obsidian Butterfly lest they be scarred by images of wereleopards tumbling naked into bed like puppies, Anita acquiring a supernatural power every 60 pages or so, endless and artless descriptions of giving fellatio and or performing another unsexy and soulless sex act.

Step 10 – I continued to take personal inventory of why I was initially attracted to this series and hoping that these qualities would return- I read chapters of the next Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel in the library or at a Barnes & Noble. I realized I was wrong for doing so and promptly admitted it.
Step 11 – I sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand God, praying for knowledge of God’s will for me to live a productive life of enjoying novels that bring excitement and wonder instead of novels that leave me feeling duped, used and abused by an author who has abandoned what craft she has for a royalty check. I sought through prayer the knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry out that will and JUST PUT THE NEXT ANITA BLAKE VAMPIRE HUNTER NOVEL DOWN!!!

Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to other Anita Black Vampire Hunter novel addicts, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Hey, Sam, I’m not a huge fan of her blog because every time I read a little bit of it, I end up wanting to pluck out my own eyes with rusty needle-nosed pliers and scrubbing them with a steel brush and boric acid, but hey that’s just me…

As a recovering Anita Blake addict, I’ve found that reading LKH’s blogs on a regular basis have helped me *tremendously.*

You’re both right. I’ve been to the blog and, just like the lingering fandom surrounding AB:VH, the phrase “sick fascination” can be applied to both.

A LOT has changed in these books that I can’t force myself to read. Characters were assasinated, unrecognizable leaving only Anita, a monster with everybodys freaking power. Ridiculous. It became who is Anita saving this week? Jean-Claude is a shadow of his former self. He’s supposed to be a Master Vampire but even he needs Anita help, hello? Something is wrong with that picture. Let me stop, I’m getting annoyed now. SORRY.

I read all the books over the past year (I know - why?) and I’m definitely not blind to how far they’ve degenerated - I just wanted a perspective from the longer-time fans that experienced the full downfall as it was happening. I guess reading them like that in such a relatively short period of time, compared to the longtime fans, did me good. It wasn’t like I found a new series that I loved, and that love grew over a period of years, only to have it slowly turn to crap before my eyes. All the crap just kind of tumbled down once, on my head, and I was expecting it. A blessedly swift pain instead of long and drug out.

I just realized the previous paragraph makes me sound like a masochist and a sadist.

remember how she used to say, “I don’t fuck monsters, I kill them”?

She sure did and ends up sleeping with just about any monster with a penis. A LOT has changed in these books that I can’t force myself to read. Characters were assasinated, unrecognizable leaving only Anita, a monster with everybodys freaking power. Ridiculous. It became who is Anita saving this week? Jean-Claude is a shadow of his former self. He’s supposed to be a Master Vampire but even he needs Anita help, hello? Something is wrong with that picture. Let me stop, I’m getting annoyed now. SORRY.

As a recovering Anita Blake addict, I’ve found that reading LKH’s blogs on a regular basis have helped me *tremendously.* (Jim Butcher helps, too . . . plus the fact that I still can’t see the word “spill” without cringing.) It’s been 5 months, and I haven’t picked up Danse Macabre yet.

Yes, the blogs are these horrible, horrible, huge BLOCKS of text filled with self-centered, nonsensical, meandering diatribes — which often make you want to gauge out your own eyes — but reading them takes a lot less time and/or money than reading one of her wannabe doorstops. Plus, they can sometimes be fascinating in an OMG!TRAINWRECK sort of way.

Take 2 weeks ago, for instance. The woman spent a whole blog complaining about a huge “problem” with the Guilty Pleasures 2 comic book: the lack of ratman genitalia. (I kid you not.) A week later, she posted another blog where she chastised fans for starting/spreading “rumors” that she was unhappy with the comic. (Again, . . .I kid you not.) Since then, she’s posted several more blogs posting comic pics and talking about how much she luuurves the comic. (An exec at Dabel brothers must have given her a smack-down after the LKH fangirls invaded their inbox/message boards. *Snickers*)

Snark-ingly good stuff.

I swear, I don’t know what the woman needs more at this point: an editor, a thesaurus, or a good PR person.

are there other plots or events that she said she would never write then did anyway?

Hey, Sam, I’m not a huge fan of her blog because every time I read a little bit of it, I end up wanting to pluck out my own eyes with rusty needle-nosed pliers and scrubbing them with a steel brush and boric acid, but hey that’s just me…

A lot has changed in the world of Anita. Maybe she’s willing to cross that line with family now too. remember how she used to say, “I don’t fuck monsters, I kill them”?

*sigh*

I’m just wondering for anyone familiar with things that LKH has said in her blog or to the fans before, but are there other plots or events that she said she would never write then did anyway? Just curious.

But why doesn’t it say, “An ANITA BLAKE, Vampire Humper Novel”? Is there no truth in advertising anymore?