Damn. If that don’t say it all, I don’t know what would. That’s so fucking cool I don’t even have the words to describe how I feel about this title. I wonder if it’s the author or the marketing department who came up with it. I know Emma Darcy has been writing category romances since… I don’t know… the Carter administration or something, so by now, she’s gotta be pretty aware of the sheer absurdity (and oddly enough, deliciousness) of such plot contrivances, right? It’s like she’s saying, “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, cynical reader! I’m gonna write about whatever the funk I want.” Man, Emma Darcy is awesome. What the hell is the title even trying to tell us? The heroine is pissed at the hero, so she gets her revenge by impregnating herself with his sperm, hiding out in a podunk town somewhere for ten years, then busting out with his love child as soon as he becomes rich and famous or something? Wait, no, that’s not it. She makes him think she was pregnant with his twin brother’s baby when she’s really pregnant with his baby, so later on, at some inopportune time, she could be like, “Surprise, it’s your baby, sucker! That’s what you get for… standing me up that one time.” No… that can’t be it. That would be The Secret Baby Surprise.
Anyway, homegirl on the cover looks like a more mannish Famke Janssen or something. Maybe she’s the secret baby. Maybe our hero pissed off an ex-girlfriend who had a secret twin brother who’d gone through a sex change operation and she asks him to seduce her scummy ex-boyfriend for revenge. Dude… I can’t even describe how awesome that would be. It’d be like The Crying Game with a soap opera twist. Rock on, Emma Darcy!
P.S. Authors, if you use any of the above plots, your asses better give me credit, yo!
Last 5 posts by bam
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January 9, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I might just have to buy this book, put it in a shadow box and hang it on my wall for posterity. Coffee came shooting out of my nose when I read your post title and then the title of the book. This is DEFINITELY the best title ever.
Bam, all of the plot scenarios sound fantastic. I’m retching and laughing at the same time. Thank you!
January 9, 2007 at 3:55 pm
That is awesome! I want that book! Especially if the secret about trhe baby is that it doesn’t exist, like, he slept with her and dumped her, and now she’s back saying there’s a secret baby, but really there isn’t and it’s just a lie to get revenge!
Our man on the cover there looks a little like Randall Batinkoff. Remember him?
January 9, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Amazing how they can both hold that position while apparently being sound asleep.
Secret baby lady looks like a young Celine Dion, before she discovered the joy of shampoo.
January 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Okay, I had to look it up.
I have to say other than the 26 nights of whoredom (why 26? What is significant about 26?), your premises are so much better than reality.
January 9, 2007 at 9:25 pm
I saw this before. Handsome foreign man misses ex squeeze. Said ex squeeze is in debt and offers hot, hot lovin’ in exchange for hot, hot foreigner to pay off debts.
No idea where the secret baby revenge comes in, but sounds it all sounds really fantabulous.
January 9, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Bam, I’m afraid I must disagree.
Because CLEARLY this book is about how Stewie Griffin gets revenge (secretly) for that time when homeboy saved the world from Stewie’s machinations via a cunning use of man-titty, hair gel, and an E.T. impersonation. Well ok, Stewie was stunned like a mole that had been hit over the head with a shovel at the E.T. impression – which had been innocently and with good intent pulled out purely for entertain-the-baby purposes – at which point he slipped in a puddle of hair gel and fell smack dab against the man-titty. Then the final, and needless to say unforgiveable, indignity occurred: he was cuddled, told he was adorable, and had his tummy raspberried against his will. Afterwards he was sent back to Quahog to a confused Lois who couldn’t figure out how he’d made it all the way to Sydney, Australia on his own. Peter didn’t particularly notice he had been gone. Or that he had returned, for that matter.
Now it’s possible an objective observer could say that the plot was foiled due to luck more than cunning, but Stewie isn’t what you’d call objective.
So, in a twisted act of (secret) revenge, he blackmailed Brian into setting our man up on a date with a new hire from Trannys-R-Us (s/he’s still a little inexperienced when it comes to applying blusher, that’s how you can tell it was a new hire). Depicted here is a scene taken via a government satellite Stewie hacked into where our hero shows his new “lady” love the E.T. impersonation that saved the world.
This is of course just prior to the moment when the clothing is fully removed and Stewie’s revenge comes to its fruition.
January 10, 2007 at 8:40 pm
dude that rocks, it’s going in my keeper pile along with “Millionaire Cop and the Mom-to-be” and “Virgin Without A Memory”! (Both actual titles, I swear)
January 11, 2007 at 11:12 pm
I just read this and I don`t remember any revenge, now that I think about it. Of course, I couldn`t recall the plot at all until Jaimie mentioned the 26 nights…