Grade: C+

Here’s an anthology that I enjoyed for the most part. None of the stories are new—that is, they all belong to their own respective series or a sequel to something—but they were able to each stand on their own legs, so I didn’t really have a problem with it. Except for ONE, that is, and more on that later. Anyway, I’m pretty much a fan of anything Angela Knight has ever written, especially her Mageverse stuff, so I wasn’t surprised that I enjoyed her contribution to this anthology. Virginia Kantra’s story is so-so and I would have probably liked it more if it weren’t for the wide-eyed bimbo Barbie doll heroine that irritated the crap out of me. MaryJanice Davidson’s offering marries her Wyndham Wolves and Sinclair Vampires. Literally. I was pretty amused by it. The ONE rotten apple in this bunch? Guess. Shake your tailfeather, Sunny, you’re the winner, you one-named gal you! Good Science, it was a good thing her story came in last or I would have been too disgusted to finish the rest of the book. Bad? You betcha. I was dismayed enough by it to sink the grade of this entire anthology to a C+. Ugh.

Angela Knight’s Moon Dance features her Direwolves and one of them “must get pregnant to save the world” contrivances. My favorite! If you’ve never read Angela Knight before, the werewolves in her world were created by Merlin (as in Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table) in order to protect the humans from evil and all of that stuff. Our heroine, Elena Livingston, is the last living descendant of Merlin’s original wolves, and therefore it is her duty to find the perfect man who will impregnate her and propagate the species. Because Elena’s such a rare treasure, her father decides to mate her with a douchebag, a jerkweed so utterly obnoxious and such a blowhard that he had to be a parody of all those arrogant, spoiled-ass, rich-boy dickheads from the rom-com movies of the 80’s. But he’s also one of the Chosen, the ruling class of the Direwolf world. Elena means to get a seat on the council in order to facilitate some changes in regards to how their women are treated, but there’s no way in hell that will happen if she marries dickhead Stephen. Elena flees her prison to seek out Lucas Rolling, a cop who was once bitten by a fellow cop werewolf in order to save his life. Lucas is naturally Alpha and is instantly attracted to Elena. Oh, and he seems to have no problem with impregnating a complete stranger, either. Good night! Luckily, these two get nekkid and groiny within hours of knowing each other because Stephen doesn’t waste any time chasing after Elena and acting like an all-around dickhead.

The sex in this story is what we’ve come to expect from Angela Knight: very, very hot, but doesn’t get in the way of the narrative. Elena is likeable and Lucas, though an Alpha, isn’t a grunting, knuckle-dragging, man-ape-gone-wrong caveman type. It’s fast-paced, appropriately thrilling, and is easily my most favorite story in this anthology. Though it’s part of a series, it is not necessary for you to have read the previous books in it to enjoy this story because the mythology is readily accessible. But you should read those books anyway, ’cause they’re pretty kickass. A- for this one.

Between The Mountain and the Moon by Virginia Kantra is a sequel to her contribution to the anthology Man of My Dreams. In that story, the heroine finds out the guy who she thought deserted her several years was actually abducted by fairies and this story is about their daughter. Cait McLean is your typical wide-eyed, foot-stomping college graduate who wants to prove to her independence to her overprotective parents by going on a two-week hike on the Appalachian Trail with her buddies as a graduate present to herself. Unfortunately, one of the friend is injured, so the other friend has to take him back, and she is left with the guy trying to tag her poon. During their hike, they meet a trio of mountainfolk, one of whom is an incredibly hot guy named Rhys. Cait’s loins naturally melt at the sight of him, but there is something very strange about him too. Somehow Cait gets separated from her friend, gets attacked by one of the mountainfolk, and is rescued by Rhys. They talk, Cait’s nipples get hard, and somehow, despite being able to resist her friend’s advances for 10 days, Cait allows Rhys to tap her ass within a few hours. Oh and she’s a virgin. Rhys starts acting funny and a little scary, Cait gets appropriately frightened, and as it turns out, Rhys is a fairy (not that kind of fairy) and was assigned by his mother, the Fairy Queen, to bring Cait to her so she could exact her REVENGE! REVENGE! on Cait’s parents by punishing Cait.

This story entertained me, but I was rather annoyed by the TSTL actions of Cait. She also seems very immature and there’s something about her that’s very… teeny-boppery. At twenty-two, she rebels against her parents by running away to the Appalachian Mountains? Really? Shoot, I ran away to LA and tried to become an actress. GOOD TIMES. All her talk about breaking away from her parents and bitching about them just made her sound younger than she actually was (though I think it was just the author’s way of reminding her readers that this is a sequel, so buy the previous book!). Rhys is kind of creepy, but in a hot way, but I was not convinced he would have fallen for Cait if they weren’t “meant to be”. He’s got issues with his parents too! By the way, this story features a devirginization of the heroine that doesn’t result in an orgasm for the heroine! Oooh… Anyway, I was entertained enough by this to read it through, even though I was annoyed by the heroine. What a little whiny bee-yatch. B- for this one.

Driftwood by MaryJanice Davidson is about a Wyndham Werewolf (the previous wolf stories are sprinkled in anthologies all over the place) and a Sinclair Vampire (from the Betsy series) who hook up and live happily ever after. Serena Crull, the vamp, goes to Cape Cod in search of the guy who turned her into a bloodsucker in order to kill him for killing her friend. Somehow (and I still don’t know how), she falls into a deep hole in a beach and can’t get out. Meanwhile, our hero, Burke Wolftauer, lives as a beach bum in Cape Cod where he spends his days pestering tourists by letting out the air out of their tires. On a night of a full moon, Burke is all set to turn into a werewolf when he overhears a woman crying for help. They engage in your typical MJD banter, Burke jumps into the hole, they banter some more, Burke gets all weird and claustrophobic, and has to jump out because he has turned into a werewolf. Serena is buried alive because of Burke’s shenanigans, so naturally, Burke thinks he has killed a human and calls in Michael, his Alpha, and Jeannie, his wife, for help. They show up for a meet-greet, check-out-our-story cameo, then disappear. Turns out Serena’s not dead ’cause she’s a vampire and Burke, embarrassed by his actions, brings her home so she can clean herself up and volunteers himself as a blood donor. They get groiny, Burke volunteers to help kill Serena’s maker, and they live happily ever after, though Burke will die way before Serena (’cause he’s not a vampire) and Serena will probably spend the rest of her life alone.

What bothered me about this story, though I enjoyed it enough, is how every single MJD heroine seem to sound alike. They’re shrill harpies who scream and nag at the hero, calling him a moron and acting like a total bitch to him and the hero is this weird beta-guy who just takes it and is strangely turned on about it, calling the heroine’s bitchfacery “sass” or something. This story is very dialogue-heavy and basically consists of the heroine berating the hero and cussing him out and the hero just… well, he just kind of takes it, I guess. Anyway, there’s a throw-away line that Serena is black, but it has nothing to do with the story and MJD just kind of skates over it. Me, I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it would have made me uncomfortable if MJD had made a big deal out of the heroine being black, but at the same time, Serena could have been white or violet or purple and it wouldn’t have mattered. Why mention her color at all? It just seemed… I don’t know… out of place, I guess. This is standard MJD fare and if you’ve read any of her books before, you’ll know exactly what to expect from this one. Still, it made me laugh. B for this one.

Mona Lisa Three by Sunny doesn’t really belong in this anthology because… well, it’s not a stand-alone story. It’s really more like a bridge between the 1st book and the sequel, which is coming out in February. That… well, that shit pisses me off because I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO READ A PREVIOUS BOOK IN A SERIES TO UNDERSTAND A FUCKING SHORT STORY IN A GODDAMN ANTHOLOGY. But that’s a rant for another time. Anyway, when we last saw the Merry Gentry-slash-Sailor Moon rip-off Mona Lisa, she had just succeeded in securing her own territory and having all the men in the Moon People court fall in love with her, including the High Prince of Hell who is mentioned a lot in this “story,” but doesn’t actually show up. In the beginning of the story, Mona Lisa is shopping for the men in her life (she has two lovers who don’t mind sharing her) and is getting ready to move to Louisiana, her new territory. Her Evil Bitch Mother Mona Serra shows up demanding Mona Lisa heal one of her guards who was bitten by a hellhound and is rotting away, threatening to take one of Mona Lisa’s men if the guard dies. Mona Lisa is not sure she can heal the guard, but… hey, she has a magic va-jay-jay, and just like Anita Blake, she heals with sex! Somehow, by having sex with one of her lovers in front of the dying guard and giving the dying guard a hand job at the same time, she brings out the special moon power in the guard and HE IS HEALED! HEALED, I TELL YOU! Hooray for the magic va-jay-jay! Oh, and Mona Lisa gets buttsecks, too. Man, this story has everything.

I don’t want to be casting aspersion’s on anyone’s character or making wild accusations I can’t back up or anything, but… umm… maybe one of the folks from LKH’s camp should read the Mona Lisa books and see if they can spot actual passages lifted from the Merry Gentry books. I swear to God, the voice is so similar to LKH’s voice (and seriously, I can’t even tell Anita Blake and Merry Gentry apart anymore) that I had to double-check the author’s name a couple of times just to make sure I wasn’t reading an LKH book or something. It’s… fucking uncanny. I want to believe that this is an elaborate joke being played on romance readers by the esteemable Da Chen and his wife, who is secretly a literary genius. Mona Lisa even has her own ardeur-type thing called Aphidy. Sure, it doesn’t require Mona Lisa to have sex every five seconds… no, Mona Lisa has sex for a nobler purpose! TO HEAL PEOPLE, TO HEAL! Right now, Mona Lisa is only having sex with two people and she’s very adamant about it, but you know what? The author herself at the end of the book “hints” that Mona Lisa will be adding on to her sexual menagerie in the next book. But that’s okay, guys, because she USES HER VAGINA TO HEAL! It’s okay to be a total whore if it saves everyone around, I guess. Look, I don’t care if there’s a hundred sex scenes in the book as long as it doesn’t get in the way of the story, but if the plot itself contrives for more sex scenes… ugh. People in this world also seem to gain power by having sex, so by the end of book 10, I bet Mona Lisa will be so powerful she’ll be the Queen of the Universe. Guh… this story made me feel dirty and pissed me off enough that I cancelled my order for the sequel on Amazon. It also made me vow never to read anything by this author again. F for this one.

As I mentioned in the beginning, there isn’t a story in this anthology that isn’t a part of a series or a sequel to something. For the most part, that’s okay because three of these stories were able to stand on their own. I enjoyed Angela Knight’s story and if I weren’t already a fan of her Mageverse books, it would have definitely encouraged me to seek those books out. Virginia Kantra’s story was passable and Davidson cracked me up as usual, but her books are more schticky than actual storytelling at this point. But Sunny… for the love of Science, Sunny! I… I don’t even know anymore. Dear Reader, if you’ve never read any of LKH’s work, but is curious as to what the fan-hate is all about, please read Sunny’s contribution to the series. It’s almost like a primer to Merry Gentry. I swear to God, if Sunny reveals later on that the Mona Lisa books are actually just a pastiche of LKH’s work and actually means to be a criticism of the series OR BETTER YET, as a subversive response to her husband’s “literature,” I will be the first to eat my shoe and applaud her. But you guys, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Anyway, the first three stories of this anthology should be worth the mass market paperback price of $7.99, but stop at MJD’s story and move on. Trust me on this.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 at 10:29 am and is filed under Books, Grade: C, Romance: Paranormal, Romance: Anthology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.