Grade: D+

Dear Bam,

So… I read A Witch in Time, and the only reason I don’t regret it is ‘cause I got to read something of Darragha’s, and…color me surprised, I actually liked it! I’m sure everyone’s read your review so I’ll cut to the chase: I can’t figure out what the other two stories were doing in this antho. I know the first is supposed to be a historical witch story and the last should be a futuristic witch story. Say that again? This whole shmegeggie gets a D+. Wow, that’s bad.

Petting the Cat by Robin Danner is an excuse for sex scenes. Sorry, but I just couldn’t get my head around the mish-mash of crap that was happening in this story. First, how is it that the daughter of a relatively well-to-do family is a witch in training? IN REGENCY FUCKING ENGLAND? Nope, can’t get over that first hump. But that’s okay, cause the second hump makes the first look like a molehill: SHE WATCHES GROUP SEX FROM THE SIDELINES. At this point I feel like repeatedly slamming my head into the desk to see if any of this will compute. But it doesn’t stop there! To save herself and humanity, our heroine Jillian must get to fizznuckin’ before the big bad fiancé shows up to marry her and TAKE OVER THE WORLD - by taking her virginity, of course. Throw in a shape-shifter and a couple of absentee parents and this pile of crap just slides right off the damn page. To top off the horror, a gratuitous group sex scene is thrown in at the end of the story. Not to stir the shit (nah, I’m lying. STIRRING!), but in my world, Romance means a HEA with a M/F or M/M or F/F relationship. Hey, I’ll even go for M/F/M or the reverse if there’s serious character building going on. But orgies? With your spouse? PUH-LEASE. D

Spell Crafted for Pleasure by Darragha Foster came as a complete fucking surprise. Her characters were well thought out and spoke like…people! Imagine that. A character that talks/thinks/acts like a real person. Huh. I gotta admit, I loved the relationship between Salem and Misha (her Russian Jewish deli-owning neighbor). It was one of those things that made the characterizations ring true, and while Salem was just this side of kooky, it made her more human to me. However, using a sex toy on yourself and then putting it up for sale? GROSS. That’s like passing out used toilet paper. Okay, it might actually be worse. Also, there was so much backstory between Ketiljohn and Kane that I feel like we only got a part of what was going on there even though it seemed like it was related more than once. Don’t try and tell me their whacked out relationship was due to a woman. Maybe I need to read it more carefully. Of course, it’s the only story here I’d consider going back for. The sex was hot and worked between the characters, the dialogue was fun and I liked Salem. B.

Hounded by Xandra Gregory is a disaster. First of all, Rex is a runaway DOG, my friend. If you read your Greek mythology, you would know that Artemis kept the company of dogs (for hunting) and virgins (‘cause that’s the way she was). Of course, this story mercilessly mixes Greek and Roman mythology without a rip as to whether Diana (Roman) should be hanging out with Titans or Apollo (both Greeks). Second, Lin Itoh is NOT genetically engineered, she’s some sort of pure gene freak that managed to survive in the genetic-engineer lovin’ future. Apparently, being normal like you and me means that you eat, sleep, fuck and pretty much do everything MORE in the future. Yeah, right. Lastly, from what I can make out, none of this story takes place on Earth, but I couldn’t tell you where the fuck it does take place. Reading it was like watching a train wreck – I just couldn’t believe my eyes. Of course, I finished the damn thing because Ms. Gregory kept throwing more shit up on the wall and I wanted to see what ended up sticking. I gotta tell you: not a whole heluva lot. Nothing made sense in this story, there was no clear plotline, no strong relationships, weak dialogue and characterization and purely gratuitous sex. Oh, and no where does Xandra indicate that Lin is a witch. D-

Let me know what you think. By the way, I really hated the Gregory story. God forbid it’s someone’s introduction to romance and/or sci fi.

xoxoxo,
Shuzluva

This entry was posted on Monday, January 15th, 2007 at 4:18 pm and is filed under Books, Grade: D, Romance: Anthology, Shuzluva's Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.