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Why You Gotta Ask “Why?”

Previously on As My Stomach Turns…

A friend—who will cowardly remain nameless—emailed me this cover. This was how the conversation went:

Friend: Somewhere in the process of this cover being developed, someone said: “hey, let’s add a mullet!” WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??? Who are they selling to? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!! *sobs*

Me: This man is a WARRIOR! Do you think a warrior with a motherfucking sword strapped to his back would bother going to a poofy girly hair salon and spend 80 goddamn dollars on a stupid haircut? Obviously you don’t know any REAL men!

I think she dissolved into tears after that, utterly astounded by my argument skills. Yeah… the male on this cover? Didn’t originally have a mullet. You don’t believe me? Here was the cover of this book before it was released on mass market paperback. Check it out. Dude was just way too clean-cut for a guy who goes around with a MOTHERFUCKING SWORD STRAPPED TO HIS BACK. Like he should be wearing a Brooks Brothers suit and whipping off his Oliver Peoples tortoise-shell eyeglasses when he wants to get serious and shit. I can understand the reasoning behind the addition of the mullet. I don’t necessarily condone it, but I understand it. Too bad this particularly mullet looks like a ratty-ass, 99-cent weave or something. I swear to God, it’s probably made of polyester. Nay, it just looks skanky. Like he should be wearing shitkicker boots and heading down to the local In Cahoots to two-step to Achy Breaky Heart.

On a totally unrelated note, whenever I see the word SWORD, I think “swwwword”. I actually have to make a conscious decision not to pronounce the W.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007 at 9:16 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to “Why You Gotta Ask “Why?””

  1. Eva Gale
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 10:42 am
    1

    Huh. Swwoord. Rather than Sord? I go halfway more like a Ssword. Or maybe I just lisp. WTF? Why am I here not flipping over how I say sword? Gah.

    Bad hair cover mullet dude.

  2. Eva Gale
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
    2

    * I meant why am I flipping* Because I’ll be saying it in my head all day trying to figure it out. Thanks again for that.

  3. May
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 10:52 am
    3

    I have to consciously not pronounce the W too.

    Someone should start an Anti-Mullet petition at Nationals.

  4. L.E. Bryce
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 11:02 am
    4

    Why does this cover make me think of He-man? Not a promising association for a romance novel, surely.

  5. Jackie
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 12:20 pm
    5

    I want to know what the tattoo is.

  6. December Quinn
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 12:40 pm
    6

    *shrugs*

    The mullet is bad, yes indeedy. But the back is sexy, and c’mon, it’s Angela Knight. They could put a piece of poo on her cover and I’d buy the book anyway.

  7. TheMistWalking
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 3:15 pm
    7

    “They could put a piece of poo on her cover and I’d buy the book anyway.”

    Hmm, how about Mr. Hankey. . . with a mullet? LOL.

    Seriously, though, mullets = badness. It was a floofy hairstyle-gone-wrong 20 years ago, and it hasn’t aged for the better.

  8. Jaimi
    Posted: Jan 23rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm
    8

    Nothing says, I can kill you in seconds like a “work up front and party in the back” haircut.

    Wow, that sounded…homosexual. Cool.

    I just pronounce sword with the w. I read too much as a child and didn’t speak these hard words until college. So, I mispronounce everything. Like adamant, wreak, wriggle, minute, etc. Oh well.

  9. Charlene
    Posted: Jan 24th, 2007 at 3:11 am
    9

    They had to do something with that hair. Either that or rename the book “Master of Swords, CPA”. But a mullet?

  10. The Dean
    Posted: Jan 27th, 2007 at 12:36 am
    10

    From The Dean’s Desk:

    My dears, it’s cover art, not a show at the Tate Modern. And what’s with the Tate Modern and the foam castle blocks on the first floor? Ah London, one of my favorite cities. Although strangely not where The Dean has had the best tea. But, back to the cover, it’s not a hidden road map to the interior of the story; it’s just the cover that some poor cover artist on a deadline with 16 other projects stacked up managed to get done based on the very little info supplied.

    The Dean

  11. Nikki
    Posted: Jan 27th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
    11

    Okay, I am now over the mullet and want to know more about the three men’s chests you are going to review that are shown on the right. Or are the actual books going to be reviewed? or just the chests? or maybe just the men? Do these books qualify as Hot Cover of the Week candidates?

  12. bam
    Posted: Jan 28th, 2007 at 1:01 am
    12
    Author Comment

    Okay, I am now over the mullet and want to know more about the three men’s chests you are going to review that are shown on the right. Or are the actual books going to be reviewed

    Hey, Nikki, each of those books will be reviewed. But dear god, I didn’t even notice the man-titty parade. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? That’s one man titty after the other.

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