22 Responses to “What Does the Title Tell You?”

1. Kathleen Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 10:51 am

   1 How about “This asshole just fainted on me” or “I really wanted a dog”?

2. shuzluva Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 11:00 am

   2 Kathleen, THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!

3. Meljean Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 11:03 am

   3 I think the title fits. He’s kind of lying there like a baby, almost Pieta-like, looking up at her white-covered (milky!) tits and probably thinking: aw, this was just like Mommy. So I think the Meant-To-Be-Mother reflects the wish fulfillment of the guy, not a statement about the chick’s reproductive status.

4. Annie Dean Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 11:13 am

   4 How about “I should have gone to dental school” or “I can totally see up his nose”?

5. December Quinn Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 11:37 am

   5 THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN Brinkley Watts knows no woman will ever fall for him while he’s bald as a coot. Rita Silva, a hair-phobic, is looking for that perfect bald man to leave her drains and pillows hair-free. Brinkley takes the first step into a larger, more macho world and gets the best rug he can afford, convinced the bald truth is one he must never, ever reveal…but Rita can’t allow the hairy hunk into her life or her immaculate home. Will these two find a way to look beyond the bangs, and into each other’s hearts?

6. Karen Scott Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 12:32 pm

   6 That requires far too much brain power Bam.

7. Candy Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 1:57 pm

   7 Sort of inspired by Meljean’s comment: LACTATION AND THE LADYBOY Love In the Most Unexpected Places When Dirk went on his sex tour of Thailand, he fully expected to have his mind (and other parts of his body) blown. What he didn’t expect was the utterly bewitching Orrada and the explosive passion they shared in the hot Bangkok nights. But even more explosive than the love they found was Dirk’s secret: his lactation fetish. Could he ever let Orrada know? But Orrada has a big secret of her own up her sleeve. As Dirk begins unraveling her deepest mysteries, he begins to realize that realizing his dreams may be even more difficult than he’d imagined. Maybe even impossible. Will love conquer all this time–even biology? Find out in…Lactation and the Ladyboy.

8. Charlene Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 2:15 pm

   8 TO SERVE MAN He knew her by the name of Katie Crabtree. Sweet, all-American, a former high school cheerleader. And as he lay on her porch swing, his head in her lap, he envisioned a life with her full of love, laughter, and children. But Mal Rg’nark was tired of playing the game. Six months of impersonating a human female was difficult enough, but to have to put up with this fatuous, grinning idiot…he looked down, just failing to hide his sharp teeth as his gaze rested upon on the man’s neck… …his thick, meaty neck. His time would come. His time would come.

9. Kimber Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 2:34 pm

   9 HER BEDSIDE MAN-NER Jada Mello is a woman with a secret. She’s been charging top dollar doing craniosacral therapy for the rich and gullible, even though it’s pure hogwash. Brett Davis was on his way to the Superbowl when a dirty tackle ruined his career. Jada’s his last hope for a pain-free existence and she’s got a nice rack, to boot. The funny thing is, Brett’s actually getting better. Could the miracle of true love have given Jada’s hands the power to make a happy ending?

10. Kimber Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    10 Actually, I concede victory to Charlene. Fucking genius!

11. Meljean Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 4:25 pm

    11 Charlene — ROFL!!

12. Jackie Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    12 BROTHERLY LOVE Derrik Winter is a lucky man. Good job, loving parents…and a new fiancee. He’d always been enamored of Jillian, even when they were kids. And from the moment they first started dating, he’d known she was the only woman for him. And now they’d be getting married. Life couldn’t get any better. Jillian White had always wanted to be more than just neighbors with Derrik, and definitely more than just friends. Once they had grown up, their affection turned to love…and last night, Derrik had proposed. Tonight’s the night they tell their parents about their wedding plans. She’s never been so happy. But their parents won’t toast the upcoming nuptials. Because they know the true reason why Derrik and Jillian always felt such a connection…why one could always finish the other’s sentences…why they could seem to read each other’s minds…why Jillian’s and Derrik’s bodies fit so very well together, like two sides of the same coin. Will the truth come out before the wedding day–the truth that what Derrik and Jillian share is really a…brotherly love?

13. Kathleen Posted: Feb 1st, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    13 Dammit! Now you made me look like I’ve got some sort of premature ejaculation problem….okay, my blurb: An innocent beauty- Fear had been Wilhemina’s constant companion since a childhood doctor had diagnosed her double-virginity. Forced to endure a life with two hymens, this still-innocent widow longed for a home, a family, and children of her own. Instead she was forced to endure while her adult step-children schemed to take away the orchid farm left to her by her much older, impotent, filthy rich husband. A forceful alpha male- Storm had never let fear stop him before. A former Navy Seal turned Army Ranger, he laughed in the face of danger…even when he spent 3 years with his own harem trying to deal with his mommy issues. Or when he developed a drinking and gambling problem that he assumes can be fixed easily by a fiesty woman…give or take ten pages. But now his greatest enemy is after the secret he holds, and he’s forced to flee to an out-of-the-way Orchid Farm. Love brings them together- Fate brought them together amongst flowers and twinkly lights. Was he the one to rid her of her virginity and give her an orgasm at the same time? Was she the one to heal his heart and banish the childhood spectre of his mother? Only time can tell as the heat and labor of orchid farming take their toil on her hero in “This Asshole Just Fainted On Me.”

14. Richelle Mead Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 1:11 am

    14 RETURN OF THE DISEMBODIED FLOATING HEART Alix Monroe has spent the last year on the run, desperate to escape her past and the bloody events that haunt her. When she gets a job at a tropical “massage parlor” and adopts a new identity as Kiki Lovejoy, it seems as though her problems are over–especially when she meets Jean-Armand, a client with a penchant for laps and generous tips. Wealthy and panty-dropping sexy, Jean-Armand offers Alix the love and security she never thought she’d have again. But someone doesn’t want Alix to be happy. The Disembodied Floating Heart–the same Heart that killed her parents and finace–is back. Back for blood. And it isn’t going to rest until it’s destroyed every shred of joy in Alix’s life. With death and danger literally hanging over their heads, Alix and Jean-Armand must look within their own hearts to have any chance of escaping with both their love and their lives…

15. Mrs G Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 2:46 am

    15 I’m buying the books of everyone who posted on this thread. Too funny!

16. Charlene Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 6:50 am

    16 LOL Kathleen! AND Richelle! Well, and everyone!

17. shuzluva Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 7:27 am

    17 Damn it, I’m never drinking coffee while reading this blog again. These are fucking hilarious, every single one. Brava ladies!

18. Shiloh Walker Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 8:58 am

    18 I don’t visit this blog enough. This was too funny. Charlene, I am in awe. plain and simple. I suck at humor, but this is too fun to pass up. Thor’s Love Child Desdemona, the Chosen, has less than a month to find her mate. She must give birth to the next Chosen before her 25th birthday, or the fate of the world looks grim. Finding the mate is the hard part. He has to be good looking, intelligent-preferably decent in bed, and nice. She may have to suffer for her duty, but she didn’t want to suffer an asshole. It would be nice if he didn’t have a god complex, either. Fortunately, she thinks she has finally found him… meek, mild Daniel Dirkson. He has that Clark Kent appeal, with just a little bit of Superman occassionally slipping through. Meek and mild Daniel Dirkson is truly Thor, fallen god reborn in man form. Being a mortal man sucks. He can’t carry his trusty hammer, he no longer has his blond hair or his really cool belt. To get them back, he must reclaim in his godhood. And he can only do that if he finds his one, true queen and fill her belly with his seed before the next full moon. But instead of the buxom blonde he dreams of, the woman he finds is a diminutive, dark haired miss that he aches to possess, for all eternity.

19. Annie Dean Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 9:55 am

    19 Dang, I shot too soon, just like Kathleen. I Should Have Gone to Dental School Leilani Miranda never thought she’d wind up having a stranger’s baby. When she answered the ad, it seemed straight-forward: a little cooking, a little cleaning. If her boss sometimes liked to lay his head in her lap and ogle her titties, well, at least it was better than her last job, where they made her wear a chicken suit and cluck while she cleaned. Plus it was such a beautiful house and Jefferson Alder, a renowned botanist, seemed so harmless. He just needed someone to look after him while he cross-polinated a new strain of blossom he called the Labius Deflora. How was Leilani supposed to know that the white, creamy substance in the squeeze-tube wasn’t Miracle Whip? She knew she shouldn’t have listened to Cosmo when it told her to rub mayonaise on her clitoris for a really tremendous orgasm. Innocent vaguely Polynesian looking girls who dropped out of college just couldn’t expect anything better, she supposed. As she looked down at the stranger whose secret baby she was carrying, even though she’d never actually seen a penis, she thought, I wonder if he’ll dress up like a duck…

20. Candy Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am

    20 Props to everyone, but Kathleen has the best title, and Charlene and Richelle have the best blurbs. (I mean, LOOK at that heart! It’s clearly going for her jugular.)

21. Wylie Posted: Feb 2nd, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    21 Great contest, Bam! What a laugh!! *wiping spray of Diet Coke off screen* Annie & Kathleen have my vote, but truly, they are all plain genius!

22. danette Posted: Feb 4th, 2007 at 12:59 am

    22 I vote for Charlene’s blurb,too. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking and reading today. Is that sand in the background, shouldn’t they be down on the beach staring lovingly at each, maybe then I’d believe she was a ” Meant-to-Be Mother”