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Shuzluva’s Ten Weird Things

1. I love fashion and number crunching. Getting a fantastic pair of shoes excites me as much as getting the right answer in a financial model I’ve generated. Fashion is (as far as I’m concerned) a total right-brain function and numbers are completely left-brained. I think I’m just hare-brained.

2. I hate messiness, but totally suck at picking up after myself. Really. Just got into a fight with the hubby about a thermometer that was sitting on my night table for two weeks. ‘Cause I couldn’t walk it to the bathroom and put it away. Pathetic.

3. I have road rage. I don’t know if that’s weird or scary. I’m a tempermental person to begin with, but for some reason, when I’m in a car I feel like it’s the Indy 500 all the time. Every driver is after my spot on the road… SO GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY! However, I NEVER, EVER curse (or drive like a madwoman) with the kids in the car.

4. I love science fiction. See number 1. Science fiction and fashion? Well this season they go together if you’re into Balenciaga couture. Otherwise, my friends always find it hilarious that I love Battlestar Galactica and Jimmy Choo with the same level of passion.

5. I have a serious fear of spiders (and lots of other creepy crawlies), but couldn’t care less if a snake is sliding over my foot. I’m usually thinking the snake would make a great pair of shoes or handbag while this is occuring. Really. I don’t find snakes that scary. Nor do I expect to see anything more than a common garden snake in my backyard. And they just don’t scare me. Pythons or boas? Pretty and their skin feels so cool when they slide across your hand. Asps, rattlers and cottonmouths? Well, cottonmouths are beautiful… asps are okay and rattlers are usually flat out ugly (although black looks good on everyone) but I know to stay away. Do they scare me? Nope.

6. I lived in NYC’s theater district for three years and saw a grand total of ONE show. That my mother took me to. After she bought the tickets. And my building was right next to a theater that was running Proof starring Mary-Louise-billybrokeupwithherwhenpregnantforclairedanes-Parker [Ed Note: Billy Crudup is a dick, yo!] and won a Tony for this role. And I saw the security guard EVERY NIGHT. He probably thought I’d already seen the show.

7. I had season tickets to The Metropolitan Opera House at Lincoln Center and saw Pavarotti in La Fille du Regiment. He was fantastic. And I loved every show I saw except for Die Walküre. I watched the aria Ride of the Valkyrie and walked out. I HATE WAGNER. The opera was boring as all get-out. He wrote it so that the singers rarely had to move around and the sets were totally lame.

8. I love doing outdoorsy stuff like hiking, biking, snowboarding, rafting, etc. Really. You’ve seen the pictures. I love being out in nature, enjoying a gorgeous day, getting the blood pumping and feeling good. But I hate camping. After a hard day on the trail/slopes/river, I like a four star hotel (at least). And a spa. Every vacation we go on is very active, and I’ve never gone without a spa day. Sometimes I’m so achy that I need it. Maybe I’m just getting old.

9. I have crib memories. I asked my mother a bunch of questions one day about a pair of corrective shoes she had me in when I was approximately 11 months old. She’d never told me about them. I could describe the shoes, their color, and what I was doing. I think she almost passed out from shock. I have a few others like that, all before I was out of the crib. It’s pretty wild, because children form memories differently when they start to speak.

10. I went to a private school from kindergarden through 12th grade and graduated with 71 people in my class, 20 of whom were with me for 13 years. I don’t speak to any of them, and it turns out my “best friend” lived 6 blocks from me for four years when I lived on NYC’s upper west side. I never ran into her. And while NYC is gigantic, I run into people ALL THE TIME.

There you have it. The not-so-weird life of Shuzluva.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 10:08 am and is filed under Et Cetera. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

10 Responses to “Shuzluva’s Ten Weird Things”

  1. Ann(ie)
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 10:19 am
    1

    I ditched everyone who knew me in high school too.

  2. December Quinn
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 11:36 am
    2

    I just re-found my best friend from high school, a totally awesome guy who I was so in love with for the first year or so of our friendship…sigh.

    I love the pin-up girl. We used to have a Vargas calendar in our kitchen, it made me happy every time I looked at it.

  3. shuzluva
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 11:40 am
    3

    I think it’s really funny that Bam gave me a pin-up girl. My dad loved Alberto Vargas and I always thought his women were so damn sexy.

  4. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
    4

    3. I have road rage. I don’t know if that’s weird or scary. I’m a tempermental person to begin with, but for some reason, when I’m in a car I feel like it’s the Indy 500 all the time. Every driver is after my spot on the road… SO GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY! However, I NEVER, EVER curse (or drive like a madwoman) with the kids in the car.

    Something about kidlets in the car brings out the responsible person in most of us. Or at least it should I moderate my driving with them, and although I don’t cuss much, I’ve even had to bite my tongue over the more mild things, like STUPID IDIOT. This came around after somebody got in front of me, nicely, blinker and all, and my son, he was 3 at the time, shouts out from the back… WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING YOU STUPID IDIOT.

    Now I just grumble and complain silently.

    I don’t see many people I knew in high school eiether. There are a few and I’m cool with them, but most of the people I knew in high school, i have no desire to see.

  5. shuzluva
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
    5

    Shiloh,

    A friend of mine’s son at two years old said Fuck, go ‘head while waving his arm when he heard another driver honk. It turns out that my friend’s wife would honk at other drivers that would try to get in front of her, curse, and then wave the driver into the lane…all with her son looking on. I think it took them about a month to break him of the habit.

    After I heard that story, I realized I had to do everything in my power not to curse in front of the kids. I reserve it all for work. And boy, do they get an earful!

  6. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
    6

    heh heh…. funny!

    When my oldest was oh, i dunno… maybe 15 months? I dropped something on the floor… and said… shit.

    Guess who started saying it…all day long. Apparently seeing mommy clean up a mess and grumbling about it was amusing as all get out, because she would say shit, and then giggle. When her daddy got home, I convinced him she was saying SIT. As in SIT DOGGY… ;o) I think he even believed it.

  7. bam
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
    7
    Author Comment

    My dad was in the Navy. I learned to cuss at a very early age. I remember when I was in the first grade, I dropped something heavy—I forget what—on my foot and said, “FUUUUUUUUUCK!” The teacher, who was a nun—Catholic school, ya know—grabbed me by my ear and locked me in the coat closet. NOT COOL.

  8. Richelle Mead
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
    8

    When I was a teacher, I used to have pretty hardcore road rage whilst driving into work. In that case, I think it was the thought of kids that actually caused the rage. Either that or people driving 50 in the left lane.

  9. December Quinn
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
    9

    My older daughter, at the age of about two, didn’t make it to the potty in time, peed on the bathroom floor, looked up and said, “SHIT!”

  10. KariBelle
    Posted: Feb 19th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
    10

    Whem my daughter was two we lived in a house with a two car garage. It was one of those lame ones with just one big door and not really enough room for two vehicles, but my ex-hubby was hell-bent. We had a two car garage and we were going to park two fucking cars in there. Anyway I parked on the left side and one day, on the way to the grocery store I banged the side mirror into the door frame on the way out of the garage. I temporarily forgot my passengers in the back and said “SHIT!!!”

    Next time we backed out of the garage, just as the side mirror lined up with the door frame, my little angel piped up from the back seat “SHIT!!” She did it every time we left the garage, just as we got to that exact spot. For WEEKS! Fortunately we are southern so It was not much of an adjustment for me to recondition her to say “SHOOT!” every time we backed out of the garage. That continued for a year, until we moved.

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