[Review by Annie Dean]

Grade: D

I think Confessions of a Serial Bitch is supposed to be a chick lit series of connected novellas because despite the warning that this title contains graphic sexual material and isn’t meant to be read by anyone under 18, there was no hot boinking. Talk about false advertising. Shit, I got more action when Brian Wheatley felt up my booblet in the 8th grade.

Instead, we receive a short glimpse into Hadley’s life. She’s 28 and about to divorce a douchebag named Glen, who apparently married her for her money and then proceeded to cheat on her egregiously. Glen isn’t about to let her go easily, though, and Hadley is dumb enough to agree to one last date with him, where he takes out to a desolate location on a “picnic” and then when she won’t succumb to his manly charms, he proceeds to bruise her arms and shoulders, knock her into a tree and then abandon her to walk seven miles back to town.

(more…)

Grade: A

Let’s get the confession out of the way. I so did not want to read this book. In fact, I had no intention of reading it. Zilch. Nada. Nope. Wasn’t gonna do it. Richelle had asked me if I wanted an ARC and since I’ve never been able to say no to anyone, I said “sure,” and flung it on top of my mountainous TBR pile, ready to forget all about it. Why was I being so mean to this poor book I knew nothing about, you ask? I had just finished reading a succubus book and while I enjoyed it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read another one so soon. Besides, I was a little put off by the title. I thought it was going to be wacky and zany, something in the vein of Katie McAllister’s or Lynsay Sands’ books. And I’m not a big fan of wacky. Nor zany. I like ‘em in tiny little doses. And I wasn’t exactly thrilled about reading about another demoness in-a-big-city who can’t decide if she should wear her Manolo Blahnik or her Jimmy Choos to her succubus-ing. I wasn’t thrilled with the cover chick looking like a strung-out Avril Lavigne, either (though I will confess to hearing “I’m With You” playing in my head over and over while reading this book). A paranormal chick-lit? *shudder* No. Just… no. I even kind of hoped Mead would forget she sent me this book so she wouldn’t expect a review. ‘Cause you can’t review something you didn’t read, Harriet Klausner! But then… magic happened. I was looking for something to read during my history class when I spotted this book on my TBR pile and thought, “Why the hell not. I’ll read a chapter and if it really sucks, I’ll set it on fire.” Even though I was immediately enchanted by Mead’s witty, light-hearted prose and engaging characters, I was still determined not to like this book (I didn’t want to encourage this new bandwagon, you know). And then it made me laugh out loud. My prof looked at me and said, “You find Nat Turner being executed funny?” I stammered something idiotic and prayed the ground would swallow me whole. As soon as I got home, I opened the book again. And my resolve began to weaken. I was laughing and lusting and getting mad at the appropriate spots and really, really liking the heroine, Georgie Kincaid. I totally lost the battle halfway through the book. DAMN IT.

The note that Mead had scrawled on the first page of the book says, “Bam, hope you’ll be gentle. If not, I just hope it’s a funny thrashing.” Dude, I’m always funny, even when I’m gushing praises. And I so did not want to gush praises because Mead won my February contest and now I’m reviewing her book and I so didn’t want this blog to turn into an I HEART RICHELLE MEAD blog. But it might, anyway. Damn it. So not cool. I consoled myself with the fact that I figured out who the villain was right away, so hah (just keep in mind that I’m frighteningly smart at times).

(more…)

[fake blurb alert!]

A Girl With a Dream
Mindy Jones is an Internet entertainer. That means she takes off her clothes and jiggles her goodies in front of a webcam for any fat geek with a credit card. A former prom queen and the most popular girl in school, Mindy’s charmed life took a downturn the day she graduated from high school. Ditching her high school sweetheart, Mindy moved to Hollywood with aspirations of becoming a soap opera star only to find out that the world won’t be kind to a pretty girl with nothing but a body for sinning and a saucy wink to her name. As it turns out, modeling and stripping aren’t the same thing. When she finds herself pregnant and abandoned by her boyfriend-slash-”manager”, Mindy decides to go back to her hometown to start over.

A Man in Pain
Hunter Tyler was head over heels in love with Mindy Jones, the most beautiful girl in school. He was ready to give her the world… until the day she walked out of his life. In his grief, Hunter moved to Chicago to become a cop. He was the best police officer the force had ever seen… until the day he was riddled with bullets while trying to save a house full of orphans from a Colombian drug cartel. Unable to let go of the Best Policeman Ever, the chief of police volunteers Hunter for the “Robocop” program. Though he appears to be a perfectly normal albeit ridiculously good-looking man on the outside, inside Hunter Tyler is an amalgamation of organic man-parts and cybernetic technology… a machine. A machine that no woman could ever love. On the run from government scientists who want to experiment on him and his own demons, Hunter returns to his hometown where he is now… the sheriff.

Brought Together by Fate and Circumstance
Mindy needs a father for her son. Hunter needs a wife as a part of his disguise. Both decide it will be a marriage in name only. But logic is a stranger to love and desire and Hunter realizes he still wants Mindy more than ever. Will Hunter be able to see his distrust for Mindy to love her again? Will a small-town life and a life with Hunter be enough for Mindy this time? Will the two of them fall in love even if it’s not… convenient?

You kids may thank the lovely Amber for this cover.

P.S. I swear to God, people, if you use the plot above (and please, feel free to do so for my amusement), you better give me credit.

[fake blurb alert!]

Meredith “Merry” Harris is a single mother. When she was younger, she had dreams of finding the perfect man who’ll sweep her off of her feet and take her away to his mansion on a gleaming white steed. That is, until she got pregnant at 18 and was forced to marry her high school boyfriend, who soon abandons for New York with dreams of becoming a Broadway superstar. In search of a man to take care of her and her son, Merry finds herself making one bad decision after the other until one day, she wakes up twenty-seven years old with four kids and employed as a waitress at a truckstop diner. Nevertheless, Merry has maintained her shiny-eyed optimism and never lost hope that she will one day find her knight in shining armor.

Enter Michael Mitchell. Tall, dark, handsome, and gloriously rich, Michael is the most eligible bachelor in all of Tuscaloosa. He’s almost blindingly perfect… except he can’t seem to keep a wife and people are starting to talk. One wife disappeared in the middle of the night and the other had the marriage annulled just a week after being Mrs. Mitchell. Just what is Michael’s deep dark secret? Why won’t women love him? Don’t grown-men who collect Victorian porcelain dolls need love, too? But just as Michael is ready to give up on life and love, he encounters Merry Harris, a bubbly, blond-haired, blue-eyed woman who serves him a piece of rhubarb pie one lonely rainy night. Conversation… and passion… ignite over a shared cup of coffee. Michael realizes that Merry just may be the one he’s looking for all of his life. But can he trust her with his secret? Could Merry be the third… and the last Mrs. Mitchell?

Y’all may thank the delicious Amber for this cover.

And here’s a cover that’s not even a cover yet. Eventually it will have Divine By Blood By PC Cast scrawled somewhere on it, probably the bottom. Or the top… cover artists can get wacky like that. And it will have a cover quote on it that says, “Best. Fucking. Book. Ever.” by Dionne Galace. Or not (but how cool would that be?). WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!? Heck, before this thing goes to print, the cover art guy may decide to slap a dude with huge-ass mantitty and a mullet. WHO KNOWS?!? But this is, like, a Luna book where it’s all about girl-power and shit, so this cover will probably remain the same.

The first thing I thought when I saw this thing was, “Wow, she totally looks like… Michelle Track Trachen… Buffy’s little sister, Dawn!” And also, Shannon from the previous book. Heeeeey… I think they used the same model. Well, if you read Divine By Choice, (SPOILER!) you’d know why that would make sense. Only she’s wearing a red toga instead of a white one (like Shannon’s), so… maybe she’s… evooooooool! Anyway, how cool would it be to have like… the power of fire? I bet she’s a hit with smokers. Like a hot guy would come up to her and say, “hey baby, you got a light?” and she’d snap her fingers… dude. Awesome. Divine by Blood… now with more centaur sex! And possibly arson and all sorts of heroine-finding-her-way stuff! Breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law!

I sooooo can’t wait to get an ARC of this book. *runs off to email PC Cast*