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The Love of a Good (Gay) Man

[fake blurb alert!]

nullMelissa Johnson is tired of her “good girl” image. As the town’s mousy librarian, she encounters only retirees and kids looking for the latest Harry Potter book. Being a thirty-six year old virgin is a little frustrating and Melissa wants to get laid… badly. She has always dreamt of losing her virginity to a cowboy, particularly to Chase McStudly, the only man she has ever loved. In high school, Chase never paid attention to her, hanging out instead with his varsity wrestling buddies and giving them good “circulation-improving massages” after practice. Melissa will do just about anything to get Chase to notice her, even if it means venturing into Frederick’s of Hollywood and buying S&M inspired lingerie decorated with sparkles.

Chase McStudly has a secret: he is actually country music’s biggest recording star, Kenny Chesney. In his long, successful career, he has released many chart-topping hits such as “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy (But I Don’t Give a Shit About that Breeder Whore),” “You Had Me From Hello (’Cause You Answered the Door Wearing a Banana Hammock and Nothing Else),” “The Woman With You (Should Be Dumped so You Can Run Away With Me),” and “Keg in the Closet (Where I Like To Spend My Time)”. But Chase has a problem. A National Enquirer meanie is threatening to expose his secret life… and he needs a wife… FAST! Too bad his “wife” dumped him after four months of marriage citing “fraud,” and he can’t seem to trick anyone else into a marriage “in name only”. What a public relations nightmare! Out of desperation, Chase returns to his hometown and finds… Melissa Johnson, the girl who’s always been pathetically in love with him. He figures he could tie her up in bed, tell her it’s a BDSM game, and then go off drinking with his… um… buddies. It’s the perfect plan!

Only Chase never expected to fall in love… with Melissa’s spangle-studded lingerie. He’d been able to hide his “secret” for a long time… but will he be able to hide his predeliction for sparkly underwear?

update!I’m such a cad. I completely forgot to give credit where credit’s due. This cover was brought to you by my buddy, Laura… the sexiest woman alive.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 19th, 2007 at 9:08 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

22 Responses to “The Love of a Good (Gay) Man”

  1. shuzluva
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am
    1

    Okay. Where to start? I am still laughing and totally horrified by the blurb, the Chesney photo makes me want to vomit my Chinese Chicken Salad all over the keyboard (but for $10.99 the damn salad better stay down), and it took me about four trys to read the title. Here’s what I got at first:

    1. Mild Cowboy Abomination
    2. Held Cowboy Combination
    3. Wide Cowboy Combination
    4. I GOT IT!

  2. Teddy Pig
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 10:16 am
    2

    She is dating a GAY FLASHER!

    OMG! that cover is priceless.

    What is she doing all the way up there when he is down there grabbing his down there? Down there.

  3. Ann(ie)
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 10:20 am
    3

    That cover is awful. Seriously. Even the font knows it.

  4. Kathleen
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 10:50 am
    4

    I assume the title “Gay Cowboy Acid Trip” was already taken. Probably by Nicholas Sparks, he gets all the good titles.

  5. Teddy Pig
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 11:25 am
    5

    http://samhainpublishing.com/books/sensual-magic

    I find this one disturbing for some reason I cannot quite figure out.

    Big Bird comes to mind… beaks, eggs, plumage… something is wrong.

  6. Skapusniak
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
    6

    Teddy,

    The moon is wrong.

    Well, it’s not *wrong*, I just think she’s a bit further along her orbit toward the lunar farside than we see from earth, so it’s it’s not the moon from quite the same angle as we get it from down here. I’ve seen other book covers with similar things — I’m guessing that there’s many many more stock photos out there taken from Apollo or something, than there are ones of the moon taken from the ground — and I always get that feeling of weirdness and things just not being right about the cover until I work out that they’ve gone done the moon thing *again*.

    Also, given she’s not wearing a suitable spacesuit for surviving lunar orbit, one does tend to worry somewhat. Especially with her clothing billowing mysteriously in hard vacuum, and her being illuminated a bright light that definately *isn’t* the sun, given the way the moon is lit. A catatrophic propellant explosion after being dumped out the airlock seems a distinct possibility.

    This moon pic. is actually fairly close compared to others I’ve seen — the one where the moon was rotated about 40 degrees counter-clockwise, to make it fit the other cover artwork *really* gave me hives.

    I blame the werewolves.

  7. bam
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
    7

    Skapusniak, while your observation is quite astute and elegant, I would like to know… what do you think of the “Gay Cowboy Acid Trip” (thanks, Kathleen!)?

  8. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
    8

    hmmmmm….I think I’ll wisely not comment about this cover. However, the blurb would have made me spew coke if I had been drinking.

  9. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
    9

    BTW, Bam, I can’t find an email addy for you anywhere and I wanted to ask you something. When you got a minute, can you email me?
    shilohwalker@gmail.com

  10. Skapusniak
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
    10

    I think that since a legless, armless, headless female torso, has come for acid boy’s IMMORTAL GAY COCK, he is quite justified in protecting himself from her molestations with that strategically placed right hand.

    However, I really do think he’s going to need more protection than a man’s five fingered best friend, as he’s riding around on horseback in his desperate attempt to escape undead torso girl, wearing that (lack of) outfit whilst riding…ahem..bareback is gonna really chafe.

    Also he shouldn’t have stolen that Campaign Hat from the Army Drill Instructor during the towns acid fueled Gay Orgy last night. Wearing the wrong hat could get him trouble with enforcers of ACID COWBOY LAW.

  11. Sana-chan
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
    11

    He makes me think of those gangster wannabe guys running around with their pants down to their knees and their baseball caps cocked down over one eye. Only when they grab their crotch, they’re usually they’re holding their pants up, not… well I’m not entirely sure WHAT he’s doing.

    Oh God… I just realized, he’s obviously the cowboy porn version of K-Fed. And I thought the original K-Fed was bad enough.

  12. Darragha
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
    12

    The Cowboy Who Took Off His Coat and Stayed Awhile
    or
    How Annie Got Metal Studs on her Bra

  13. Wylie
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
    13

    Completely off topic…
    Bam - I keep checking out the Samhain site waiting for your book. When’s it coming out??

  14. bam
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
    14

    Hey, Wylie, it’s coming out on August 17th. It’s called Skin to Skin. I’m still trying to create the website specifically for my work. ;)

  15. Kathleen
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
    15

    Omigod, I totally got a K-fed vibe too! Like maybe he’s Kyle Federline, Kevin’s twin who got seperated at birth. And instead of ending up a kept man and a baby-daddy, he ended up as a Daddy’s baby boy in some sort of Thunderdome Gay-a-palooza. Now he has to endure a cage match against Tor-so, the headless drag-queen. The only rule is THERE ARE NO RULES.

  16. December Quinn
    Posted: Mar 19th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
    16

    By the Gods, who created that abomination of a cover? I think that’s worse than that alien threesome thing, seriously.

    That poor author. I don’t think there’s a living person who could look at that thing and think it’s good. I think it was probably designed by, like, a seven-year-old. A very nearsighted seven-year-old who refuses to wear his/her glasses.

    I think the bra is pretty, though.

  17. Richelle Mead
    Posted: Mar 20th, 2007 at 2:20 am
    17

    Oh. My. God.

  18. December Quinn
    Posted: Mar 20th, 2007 at 5:45 am
    18

    Ugh, I had to come back and look at it again, it’s worse than I remembered. It looks like he’s hiding, like, nothing under that hand of his, and also like he’s the kind of guy who thinks he’s amazing in bed when he’s really just slobbery and too quick on the draw. As it were.

  19. kate r
    Posted: Mar 20th, 2007 at 6:43 am
    19

    The hand is just wrong. Even my youngest knows better: If you have to go pee-pee, you don’t grab your package. Pee-pee dancing is okay.

    The jaw is evil too.

  20. maria
    Posted: Mar 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
    20

    glad to know there are other folk out there who think country music is a fucking waste….that guy is very creepy….i never thought grabbing one’s package could look sooo UNsexy and creepy….except if you’re that guy i guess….

  21. dl
    Posted: Mar 20th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
    21

    OMG awful…and creepy

    Brittany is working hard to make K-fed look good…IMO it’s working.

  22. Flo
    Posted: Mar 21st, 2007 at 2:26 am
    22

    Dude it’s totally a Ken doll. That’s not a real man! NON ANATOMICALLY CORRECT KEN LUST STORIES! YES!

    I’m sure there’s a market…

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