[Review by the Sexy Bitch, Annie Dean]
Grade: C-

Imagine Laurell K. Hamilton drank a bunch of merlot and wrote a novella in one sitting. Well, if she ever had, you might wind up with something like Death by Seduction.

The story starts out with a bang. I’m all into it. Two partners on a paranormal police force, secretly wanting to bone each other for years. Standard setup, but I can live with that because the opening snaps. It’s raw and livid with the potential for angry sex because Cale has been ordered to apprehend Morgan (for reasons that are never made clear). I guess maybe she’s killed too many humans or something, I dunno. But she’s an immortal death faerie (duh!) so what else would she do with humans? Cale notes that if she weren’t too small he’d have porked her long before now.

Cale decides better for him to bring Morgan in than somebody who doesn’t care what happens to her. When he does so, they’re both locked up at Supernatural Task Force (STF) headquarters. See, a psychic told them that Cale loved Morgan so much that he would do anything to save her, even disobey orders. As a result, they are put in a cell and ordered to have sex. Nothing like up-n-down on command. Mmm mmm hawt. I do not understand at all what the STF hopes to gain by confining Cale and Morgan, then forcing them to fuck like stoats, except maybe they hope they’ll kill each other, and they won’t have to mess with it? I truly have no idea.

Warning, warning, clunky incoming backstory: Morgan may have vampiric blood in her lineage. Cale’s mother was attacked by a vampire serial killer while he was in utero, and she died, but they saved him through an emergency C-section. Unfortunately, he carries the vampire virus so even though he hasn’t turned, he could turn if he sucks Morgana the wrong way. That’s on the menu, however, because it’s the only way they can elude their captors.

LKH fans will be delighted with the copious, hyperbolic sex scenes. For instance:

“They were fucking sounds, mating sounds, hot, sweaty mindless, pounding-into-the-sweetest-pussy-in-the-world-until-your-body-shatters- into-a-million-pieces-sounds.”

Furthermore, Cale is blessed with a wang that measures eleven inches in length and is as wide as Morgan’s forearm. I found myself humming the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python while reading the description of his ubermensch-penis. If Morgan wasn’t a faerie and supernaturally stretchy, she couldn’t possibly stuff his velvet rod into her magic hoo-ha. There’s a twist, though. I won’t tell you what it is, but Morgan doesn’t heal with her coochie [Ed. note: the word “coochie” makes me giggle], that’s for sure. Amid all the thrusting and groaning, there’s a vampire prophecy about a new race of vampire-faerie thingies and some other stuff too, but mostly there’s fucking.

This book is rich with delightful organizations like The Fraternity of Human Fellows and The League of United Vampires. I’m wondering if they wear latex jumpsuits, utility belts and capes. Damn, what am I thinking? No capes! Did I learn nothing from watching the The Incredibles? Anyway, back to the sex, I mean, story. The writing veers toward purple territory now and then, but otherwise it’s solid. The beginning showed a great deal more promise than was actually delivered, to be honest. I wanted more of the twelve years Cale and Morgan worked together, fighting their lust, more of their mutual ass-kicking. Death by Seduction wobbles along with vague allusory worldbuilding, but if you’ve read LKH then you’ll probably wander into the book thinking it feels like home.

~Annie Dean

Kids, you may buy this book at Liquid Silver Books.

[Ed. note: And because I love the “Lumberjack” song…]

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2007 at 8:16 am and is filed under Books, Grade: C, Romance: Paranormal, Reviews by Annie. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.