The Most Boring Cover Ever

9 Apr

The Most Boring Cover EverSister Jane wants me to write a little fake blurb for this particular cover, but honestly, I… zzzzz… zzz… whuh? Where am I? What’s going on here? Ahem. *wiping off drool from chin* According to a summary I found on Amazon:

A fictional version of the author serves as the narrator of Berlinski’s uneven first novel, a thriller set in Thailand. Mischa Berlinski, a reporter who’s moved to northern Thailand to be with his schoolteacher girlfriend, Rachel, hears from his friend Josh about the suicide of Martiya van der Leun, an American anthropologist, in a Thai jail, where she was serving 50 years for murder. As Mischa begins to investigate Martiya’s life and supposed crimes, he becomes increasingly obsessed with the woman.

…zzzzz… I’m sorry I fell asleep reading that, too. My hero, Stephen King, says “you can’t stop reading till midnight… cooks like a mother”. Really? REALLY, Steve? I’m all about not judging a book by its cover, but pfffft… I’m sorry, I couldn’t even type that. I’m not asking for mantitty or anything, but damn… could we have something a little more than a couple of blobs of blurry broccoli? I mean, it’s Thailand, right? Maybe we could have… like… a beach, with some evil-looking coconut trees with fronds that look like spikes… and fallen coconuts on the sand that eerily resemble skulls… and ooh! Maybe a volcano in the background somewhere. (Are there volcanoes in Thailand?) Man, even the font is boring. There’s something mundane and vaguely Nicholas Sparks about… zzzz… zzzz…

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10 Responses to “The Most Boring Cover Ever”

  1. Jane April 9, 2007 at 12:37 pm #

    couple of blobs of blurry broccoli?


  2. shuzluva April 9, 2007 at 2:17 pm #

    a beach, with some evil-looking coconut trees with fronds that look like spikes… and fallen coconuts on the sand that eerily resemble skulls…

    Why don’t you just throw a shark and Leo DiCaprio on there too and we’ll have the whole shebang on the cover!

    While the cover is vaguely pretty, it along with the title made me think of Jane Goodall. The blurb totally put me to sleep. I think if you open the cover a firecracker should go off to make sure you’re awake.

  3. Teddy Pig April 9, 2007 at 2:43 pm #

    Anthony Bourdain’s hilarious journey through the cuisine and opium fields South East Asia. “Everything was a blur. I can’t seem to recall much, but there was food” Anthony says when the cameramen finally discover him grazing on some grass outside a dirt hut.

  4. Helen M April 9, 2007 at 2:48 pm #

    … I have definitely been spending too much time on the internet, especially journalfen. At first, I thought ” ‘fieldwank’? Wank about field(s)? What fandom is this?”. Ugh, really ought to head for bed soon.

    And yes that is one bland-ass cover.

  5. Lorelie April 9, 2007 at 3:54 pm #

    Stephen King, says “you can’t stop reading till midnight…

    Sounds like a backhanded compliment to me. Everyone knows the really good books are the ones you can’t put down ’til about 3 or 4 am.

  6. Lady T April 9, 2007 at 5:24 pm #

    Thanks for putting the cover up-Stephen King hated it and wondered why the publisher would put out such a good book(according to him,I haven’t read it)with such a lousy cover. If you were to look up “uninspired” in the dictionary,that cover would be right there as a prime example.

  7. Roxy Harte April 9, 2007 at 6:29 pm #

    Uninspiring…but calming…try meditating on it…nah, bad idea, you can’t meditate if you’re z-z-z-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


  8. L.E. Bryce April 9, 2007 at 8:14 pm #

    I don’t know, it doesn’t even look like Thailand to me. Maybe French countryside, but not Thailand.

    I don’t think Thailand has volcanoes. That’s Indonesia.

    But what about Southeast Asian mantitty? You don’t get a lot of that.

  9. Charlene April 9, 2007 at 11:19 pm #

    There are no active volcanoes on the Thai mainland, but there are underwater volcanoes just off Phuket in the Andaman Sea.

    There are also extinct volcanoes.

    Whoa – Canada has volcanoes. Dozens. Hundreds. Most haven’t blown in centuries, but some…

  10. Sybil May 3, 2007 at 2:02 am #