Grade: B-
I was not supposed to like this book. As I was reading it, I found myself getting annoyed by a bunch of little things: the overly martyred heroine who just also happens to be an empath, the overly alpha male who wouldn’t know reason if it took up a shovel and bashed his face in, the seemingly obligatory anal and threesome scene (seriously, what’s with that?), and a bunch of meddling secondary characters who are basically nothing more than advertisement for the previous books in the series. Yes, it’s a series and it’s about a bunch of overly alpha males who are Cyborgs from the planet… *deep breath*… Karn’al. *crickets* Ahem. Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah… I liked it. Heh. That’s funny. As soon as I typed that, Crazy by Gnarls Barkley started playing in the background. Does that make me crazy? Does that make me craaaaazy? Probably! No, seriously, I did. It’s immensely readable. Sure, I wanted to strangle the heroine with her long, silky, black hair… but I liked her too. And Logan, the hero? He deserved to have a catheter stuck up his peehole with no anesthesia only to have it yanked out without warning seconds later, but… I actually got him. Sure, these two dummies could have sat down and resolved the whole thing in five minutes, but hey… did I mention the threesome scene seemingly tacked on at the end to please the smut gods?

Sharra Ardez is an empath from the planet Sopping’Khunt. Just kidding. Or am I? Yes, yes, I am. She is from the planet Arrion once invaded by marauding monsters called the Pagans (hee!) and her parents were killed. Od’ric (the first glottal stop of many), the Lord Marshall from a planet called Zalian Three took her in out of the goodness of his heart and made her into his son’s sex slave. Aww, that’s so nice! [but only if he looked like Ben Jelen who’s trying to save the polar bears, you guys!] But no, he doesn’t look like Ben Jelen and since he’s crap in bed, naturally he just has to blame Sharra, who has since developed a reputation in the land as a frigid deadfuck. But that’s the last thing Sharra has to worry about. You see, she’s been having very strange nightmares about a little boy and the little boy shooting two women dead with a ray gun, interspersed with a darkly brooding handsome man who appears to be in a lot of emotional pain. Sharra believes this man is the one she’s supposed to be with for the rest of her life, so when the two of them finally meet and Lord Od’ric offers Sharra to him as a gift, she doesn’t object. ‘Cause she can see the pain in him and believes she can heaaaaaal him, yo!

Logan Tar Glottal’Last’Name is a Cyborg Commander whose family was slaughtered by Pagans when he was a little boy. Wait… no, actually, his dad was killed by the Pagans, but his mom and sister were captured by them and Logan had to kill them so that they wouldn’t be alive for the torture and the raping. So yeah… he’s not a happy guy. In fact, he has nightmares about it every night and wakes up with very, very bad headaches. Even the little thingamajig inside his Cyborg head that is supposed to prevent that stuff from happening isn’t working and Logan is slowly falling apart. His shrink thinks he’s losing it, but Logan absolutely refuses to slow down because he has to KILL ALL PAGANS, damn it. Anyway, his travels take him to Zalian Three and a hot, hot sex slave is gifted to him because he once saved the life of the Lord Marshall. Naturally, Logan gets an Insta-Bone ™ the moment he sees her and gets all weird and possessive about her even though he keeps telling herself himself that he has no need for a wife or a sex slave. Tons of Sexin Ensues ™ and all of a sudden, Logan is sleeping better and he no longer gets very, very bad headaches because he is healed by the magic vagina. Actually, no, just kidding. That’s not it. Remember how Sharra is an empath? Well, she can take his pain into her body, so he wouldn’t hurt anymore. Man… that’s some love. I grumble and shit when Tim asks me to run across the street to get him a burrito.

But Sharra hath a very big thecreth that she absolutely refuses to tell Logan. Well, we know what that secret is. She’s an empath. She won’t tell Logan because once upon a time, empaths were executed because the Pagans used them to torture other people. She even refuses to tell him even when she suspects there are terrorists on board Logan’s ship who are there to kill Logan and destroy his ship. How does she know they’re terrorists? Well, she can “feel” them and oh, they’re ridiculously evil. Naturally, when it all comes about, the terrorist tell Logan that Sharra was in on it all along and who does Logan choose to believe? BUT SHE LIED, DAMN IT! “But Logan,” his friends protest, “she’s innocent… and look how pretty she is!” NO, Logan will never trust that LYING, CONNIVING WHORE EVER AGAIN! *cue Logan crying like a little bitch and running away*

Okay, first up: what the hell is up with these covers? I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but… I actually blushed when I first saw this cover. I mean — dear Science. Yes, it’s an erotic romance. Yes, it’s got a lot of sex in it, but… I guess I can just imagine someone’s granny picking it up at her local B&N and collapsing from a heart attack. *sigh* Okay, fine, I’m a prude. Secondly, Annie Dean and I were just talking glottal stops. What the hell is up with sci-fi romances and glottal stops? Just because your hero is an alien, do you really have to attack his poor name with apostrophes like ninja stars in an attempt to make it look more… alien? Just what is the deal? Third—no, there is no third. I’m not going to complain about the Big Mis. It’s stupid, but it almost suits the melodramatic brooding of the hero and the tie-me-to-the-stake martyrdom of the heroine. There was really no other way. It’s a space opera. Shut up.

Anyway, Sharra is a little annoying with her “oh, I must save him… oh, he can never love me… oh woe!” act, but I do have to give her props for trying to get away from him. Sure, he follows her anyway, but damn it, at least she tried. He treats her like crap, throws her in prison, calls her all sorts of names, so she runs away. Good for you, Sharra! I’m sorry, but I couldn’t hate this heroine, you guys. She reminded me a little bit of Deanna Troi, another empath who is totally annoying and useless. She says things like, “oh, he’s sad… he’s feeling sad, I think,” but can’t really do anything. But you know, Deanna was nice to look at and she tried, you guys, she really tried. Just like Sharra. As for Logan… boy, is this guy damaged. He was a freakishly stubborn about the “but she lied to me!” bullcrap, but you know, HE HAD TO SHOOT HIS MOTHER AND SISTER WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY. I’m thinking that gives him a little leeway in my book. Like I said, Logan is not a happy dude and I honestly think he needed a “look at the happy little birds” girl like Sharra in his life. He’s a little one-dimensional because he only has two modes: growl and fuck, but he’s still kind of hot in his pain. Sharra, on the other hand, is your standard “too understanding to be real” Barbie Doll, but she’s a good match for Logan, who’s really nothing more than a grunting He-Man. I would have liked if these two just sat down and talked at least once. Every time they got together, he’s either yelling at her and she’s cowering in the corner or he’s trying to put it in her butt. I don’t think there is a scene in this book where these two just sat down and talked like, “Hey, what’s your favorite color? Cerulean blue? Oh, man, me too! And I like Betazoid cheese on my pizza!” I would have liked some of that, I think.

Other than that, I really didn’t have too bad a time reading this book. Havlir’s writing is clean, though I think there was an over-usage of the word “moisture”. This book is very… moist. The world-building is okay, but there’s a lot of terms bandied about that are pretty much standard in a sci-fic rom: vid, com… crap like that. There’s also something called a “mind-bonding” and honestly, when I came across it, I thought, “oh, what the hell. Why not?” Apparently, it’s some kind of telepathic link that enhances sexual pleasure between an empath and her mate. Sure, okay, throw that in too. Oh, and a ritual that involves a threesome with two dudes? All right! Sure! I wasn’t blown away by anything in this book, but it did persuade me to buy the two other books in the series. That’s something, eh? B- for this one.

Oh, and you can buy this and the author’s other EC releases here.

Love, Peace, and Snarkage

[Warning label courtesy of LE Bryce.]

ETA: This book comes out Wednesday, April 18th.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 16th, 2007 at 9:44 pm and is filed under Books, Grade: B, Romance: Sci-fi/Fan. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.