My buddy Annie Dean’s hot-hot-hot book, An Average Girl’s Guide to Getting Laid is out today from Loose-id. Holla! Annie’s writing style is clever, witty, and the sex scenes are super-duper hot. Trust me, you’ll want to check this one out. Have I steered you guys wrong before? Okay, fine, forget those other times. Yeesh! Here’s the blurb. For the excerpt, see the jump.

Ellie Campbell’s sex life is vanilla at the best of times, vanilla with a side of boring. She’s come to accept that she’ll probably never have an orgasm outside of masturbation. But all that changes when a drunken dare results in a risqué proposal, something nobody believes Ellie can pull off: writing a guide to teach the average woman how to seek pleasure like men do.

Enter tall, dark and delicious.

Marius Asher used to be a player, but after a rough breakup, he’s tired of the game. Now Ash just wants to kick back and take some time off from women. But when he spots Ellie in the corner deli, he decides he might just put in a little overtime.

Orgasm-challenged and trying to write a book on how to get laid, she could use some no-strings mattress time with the right man. Since she’s not looking for Mr. Right, she just wants to win a bet, and she’s abandoning all her inhibitions in the name of research, Ash figures he’s just that man. After all, 30 days, red-hot chemistry, sex for sex’s sake… what could possibly go wrong?

Buy it here.

In retrospect, Ellie’s first mistake lay in accepting the lunch invitation without screening the guy better. She hadn’t even been working, actually. The morning had been a bust in that regard, as her heart didn’t seem to be in it. She couldn’t put Ash out of her mind, and the need to apologize weighed on her. Like little kids, men could sense when they didn’t have one’s full attention.

But this guy struck up a conversation, and he seemed nice enough, brown hair and average features. He stood maybe six inches taller than her, which would put him a shade under six feet, but he certainly wouldn’t scare somebody in the dark.

So when he asked if she wanted to go across the street to get something to eat, she could only think of one reason why she’d decline, and she refused to ascribe Ash that much importance. Really, she ought to have gone out with Colin, too, spark or no spark, although she would’ve missed an amazing weekend. So, on the whole, she couldn’t regret that decision, even if she’d messed things up at the end.

But whether she enjoyed it or not, getting a phone number wasn’t enough. She needed to practice getting a man to ask the big question: Want to go back to my place? And if she felt like an evil bitch in saying no, having used every trick to make him think she wanted to, well, she’d get over it. She had a job to do, right?

“So then I met Kim-Li.” Dennis waved a chicken leg, snaring her attention once more. He didn’t seem to notice when she zoned out. “I thought she was the one.”

“But she wasn’t?”

He shook his head. “Nope. She used me to get a green card. I’m still trying to untangle myself from that mess.”

“So technically, you’re still married?” Ellie found these glimpses into his personal life akin to a train wreck, horrifying, but she couldn’t help her morbid curiosity.

Why on earth would he reveal such things to her, a complete stranger? In a way, Dennis reminded her of the man in Cairo who hung around the post office, telling stories about his tour in Viet Nam. He made children run away crying. Of course, Crazy Carl also peed down the steps at the VA hospital at every opportunity, and routinely got arrested for misdemeanors because jail was the only place with enough cement to stop the federal government from tuning into his thoughts via the metal plate in his head.

“Oh, yeah. I have no idea where she even is. Haven’t seen her for like two years. But it’s great for putting off broads. I can date as much as I want to, but if they get too attached, then I confess I’m married, and they go away thinking I’m an asshole.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Sure.” Dennis paused the nonstop chewing through which he’d talked for at least fifteen minutes, giving her glimpses of everything he ate. “The whole point is to get rid of somebody, and what do I care what she thinks of me?”

That made a self-centered kind of sense, but she sort of wanted to hit him in the head with the soup tureen hanging behind him. He’d chosen one of those kitschy places with random bits of Americana on the walls in lieu of real décor. Ellie picked at her Cobb salad, wondering how long before she could tell Dennis she was married.

“After Kim-Li, I met Sheila. Wow, Sheila…”

Though she knew she’d be sorry, she couldn’t help but ask, “What about her?”

“I liked her, but she was such a whore. I mean seriously. She was always asking if any of my friends would be up for a threesome, like I want to risk bumping nuts with somebody I hang out with. And then I caught her with my dad–”

She choked on a bit of boiled egg. “You did not.”

“I most certainly did.” He launched into a story of how Sheila had met his family, and they’d all gone to the Adirondacks to his parents’ cabin. Over fried chicken, he gave Ellie more intimate details about what he’d seen than she knew about Deanna’s sex life. She felt green and almost incapable of speaking by the time he was done. “So I was just standing there, gaping, and my mom came up with some clean sheets… well, I tell you, she got even in the divorce. Took everything.”

“I guess you broke up with Sheila after that?”

“Nah, I talked her into a threesome with another girl first. I think every guy wants that; it’s just a matter of finding someone slutty enough to do it.”

Check please!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 at 6:00 am and is filed under Promo & Pimpage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.