It’s a real man that can wear a lavender shirt and a thin gold tie without looking like one of those bitchy contestants from Project Runway and not say shit like, “It’s kind of, ya know, like trying to disguise a piece of shit amongst a bunch of diamonds. Whatever, even if you put pasties and a freaking maxi pad on the 13th model and send her down the runway, it’s like, who give a fuck at this point?”. Awesome.
Folks say a picture’s worth a thousand words and I know, just from looking at this cover, that this guy is a cowboy (or at least from the great state of Texas) AND ex-military without even looking at the blurb. How do I know this? It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes deducting skills, friends. Check out this belt buckle. Do you know anyone outside of a Texan who’d wear a buckle as big as his balls? And it’s obvious he’s got big balls, friends, ’cause he could wear a shirt like that without accidentally breaking out into, “Sashay, Chante!” Oh, and what’s that in his hand? Dog tags? Why is he carrying them around? Who knows! He’s a hero for sure, though. I bet he saved a whole battalion in Iraq just with a knife clenched between his teeth and a ball of twine in his hand.
I’m just happy there isn’t a gurgling baby on the cover despite the title being Bound By the Baby. What does that even mean? Did he knock up some dumb virgin by having sex with her without a condom ’cause he told her “you can’t get pregnant the first time”? Why would he marry anyone stupid enough to believe him? ‘Cause she’s pure, that’s why. And how does he manage to look five kinds of awesome in that shirt? Yeah, I have no answer to that.
Last 5 posts by bam
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