24 Responses to “People are Weird”

1. Darragha Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 9:47 am

   1 How did you find out what “search phrases” brought folks to your site? I know I’ve seen how to view that before, but I don’t recall. Enlighten me, oh most wise, Dionne. Thanks! Darr

2. bam Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 9:49 am

   2 Author Comment Stat Counter and Google Analytics, Darr.

3. Tilly Greene Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 9:51 am

   3 I INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH THIS BREAKING NEWS: Some WASPy blond-haired Jehova’s Witnesses decked out in Kathy Ireland’s latest fashions just banged on my door. When I only stared at them in stupefaction (what, my undisguised armor of patronizing contempt wasn’t enough of a deterrent? Did they think I was somebody’s Filipino housemaid? Is it not possible that a brown girl could own a goddamn beach house in San Diego?), they beamed amicably me and chirped, “Do you speak English?” I replied, “Absolutely not. Not a word. In fact, I learned what I am currently saying to you phonetically. Oh, and we’re atheists.” And slammed the door on their faces. FUCKING ASSHOLES. I did not, in fact, jump up and down, screaming I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR OF AMERICAN NOVELS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH, YOU DETESTABLE WHORES!” They make me want to be racist and shit.Back to your regularly scheduled snarkage. Are you flippin’ well kidding me?!? They actually said that to you? And walked away with their hearts beating? Grrrr!

4. katieM Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 10:09 am

   4 Just wait ’til you’re 12 years old and your old German (accent and all) neighbors rub your hair for luck. I asked them why they always rubbed my head like they were rubbing lamps for genies and they smiled and said “For Luck!” And “Ooh, we didn’t expect your hair to be so soft, just like white people’s!”

5. L.E. Bryce Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 10:19 am

   5 It’s Lindsey Wagner with the SleepNumber bed. Bionic Woman’s gotta have a gimmicky bed, you know.

6. fiveandfour Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 11:04 am

   6 Is that Nathan Kemp guy the one that models for, like, every cover for that one line of books I can’t remember the name of*? The first picture didn’t look like it, but that second one (and may I say — WOW!) sure did. As respects Lynda Carter it seems to me she was mentioned in passing here once…probably in a comment. I love how that means your website is now an apparent authority on LC according to the new math of the Internet. Hmmm…what should we mention next to make your site the GoTo place for information? *It’s seriously driving me NUTS that I’m drawing a complete blank on that stinking line and all of the books published under it - it seems like I see them nearly every day. Gaah, stupid brain!

7. fiveandfour Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 11:13 am

   7 Berkley! (How’s that for a Tourrette’s moment? Though still not as bad as the time I exclaimed, “Calk!” while finishing up a meal at a restaurant because it had just occurred to me that we needed some.)

8. bam Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 11:37 am

   8 Author Comment As respects Lynda Carter it seems to me she was mentioned in passing here once Yep, in a WIP. My geek boy hero makes a WW reference. And walked away with their hearts beating? Tilly, it’s a nice neighborhood. There ain’t no violence here!

9. April Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 12:13 pm

   9 Your breaking news just floored me. Bad enough having to deal with unwanted solicitors at the door, but to have them say what they said to you? SO glad you said what you did, lol. I’d have said something similar, “No, not a bit. Sorry.” Then I’d have shut the door. But you should see some of the junk mail I get. Brown skin or not, even with just my last name I get the nonsense — tons of mail in Spanish, because the marketing departments of nearly every company with my name on their list think I’m Mexican-American. They’d be better off sending me stuff in French because at least I’d understand what I was reading before I shredded it.

10. Heather Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    10 Wow. That takes ignorance to a WHOLE new level. Your impromptu visitor, not the web searches. Although… well anyway. Seriously, I’m not sure my jaw has ever come that close to the floor before.

11. Jaime Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    11 Duuuuude, you have got to be kidding??? Maybe you should have said, “I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR OF AMERICAN NOVELS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH, YOU DETESTABLE WHORES!” The rest of your article was definitely interesting, but I am still stuck back on the “do you speak English?” WTF? I am speechless, writingless or something….

12. Tilly Greene Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    12 What, not even a muddy foot print on their pretty and pristine backsides?!? I’m thinking the next time I’m out in So Cal we’ll have to meet up and have a chat about what…okay, I’ll be honest, I probably would’ve thanked them for stopping by, gently declined their offer at the soonest and closed the door all with a smile on my face. It’s just such a bloody pisser! Grrr!

13. December/Stacia Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 1:50 pm

    13 *Roll eyes* Do you speak English, indeed. Yeah, I speak English, I just don’t speak CULT, you brainwashed racist idiots. People keep finding me by googling “Susan Powter cunnilingus”. I mentioned that they were doing this about a year ago, so now I guess I show up even higher on the Susan Powter cunnilingus scale.

14. Ann Bruce Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    14 taking the ends off ropes rope trick lasso rope trap she struggled against the ropes Guess my visitors think I wrong bondage stories. Hmm… Maybe I do. Need to go and reread some stuff.

15. Ann Bruce Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    15 “Do you speak English?” I prefer “No hablo ingles,” even though I’m clearly not Mexican or Spanish.

16. Sherry Thomas Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    16 Bam, I’m responsible for people asking you that question. Because I always tell solicitors, when I’m caught opening the door, that I don’t speak English. Phew, glad cover snarks will return someday. Yeah, summer school is killing me real good too.

17. Roslyn Posted: Jul 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm

    17 What IS up with Germans and hair? My dh said that when he was there as a boy they wanted pieces of it because he was a red head. In defense of the Germans, his hair was incredibly flaming. It looked like someone mixed orange Tang and red Koolaid. Now that he’s older it has faded to a lovely shade of ginger. As for the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I think I must have some type of demonic force field around my house. Maybe they smell the sage I burn to keep evil spirits away, but religious folk don’t come here. I’ve never actually had to cuss out anybody, they literally cross the street. Kathy Ireland has fashions?

18. Ann(ie) Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 8:56 am

    18 I get Jehovah’s Witnesses here too, and I pretend I don’t speak Spanish. “Lo siento, no entiendo,” even though I know perfectly well they want to come in and tell me about their religion, and leave me copies of the Watchtower or whatever the hell it’s called.

19. Ann Bruce Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 9:38 am

    19 I get Jehovah’s Witnesses here too Y’all need to do what I did: move to a condo apartment building. The concierge is paid to keep them away. Ann, since you live in Spanish-speaking area, have you tried: “I don’t speak Spanish?” Or would they just start going off in English?

20. Darragha Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 10:33 am

    20 I visit with the Witnesses and LDS missionaries. They need to know about my faith! If they’re on my stoop, I do the talking. I had one set of Witnesses come back three times trying to get me to forsake my heathen ways (I’m Buddhist–Nam-myoho-renge-kyo) and I actually got one of them to chant with me instead. And as for the sweet little LSD missionaries…I had girls come once! A rare sight. I was really sick, and they went and bought me orange juice and brought it back for me. Future Relief Society matrons of honor, huh? I pretty much tell anyone who comes to my door unexpectedly that 1) We’re Buddhist. 2) I write erotic romance. 3) It’s a good thing my husband didn’t answer the door. Darr

21. bam Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 11:10 am

    21 Author Comment Kathy Ireland has fashions? Yep. K-mart, I believe. Jaclyn Smith does, too. JC Penney.

22. Ann(ie) Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    22 I don’t want to risk them being bilingual, Ann. English is the most popular second language here, and a lot of people are working on learning it, because it does elevate their employment value in all fields. If I say, “Lo siento, no entiendo,” they have no idea what language I actually speak, and always, always go away. They assume I’ve memorized that phrase alone. Most days, I would rather say, “Estas jodida, no quiero hablar contigo, estupida.” Or if they interrupt my writing, “come mis pompas” or the ever popular “chinga te y vete.”

23. Ann Bruce Posted: Jul 28th, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    23 Estas jodida, no quiero hablar contigo, estupida. Hehe. The next telemarketer’s going to hear that from me.

24. Ann(ie) Posted: Jul 29th, 2007 at 8:46 am

    24 If it’s a man, it would be jodido / estupido. Otherwise, you’re good to go. Translations are: “You’re screwed, I don’t want to talk with you, stupid.” “Eat my butt.” and… “Fuck you and go away.”