Oh, dudes, I told myself I wasn’t going to geek out over the reviews of my book (Skin to Skin, out on Aug. 17, yo!), but as soon as I checked out this link, I just totally lost my shit. Like, I had zero dignity left. It was embarrassing. Tim was all, “Can you remember this feeling when you’re down and depressed and telling yourself you suck?” Whatevs. It’s still a happy day.

The summer seems to drag on, the heat unbearable. Leilani is dead set on gaining the attention of her new neighbor who seems to avoid her at every turn. After all, she’s paraded up and down the street in her sexiest next-to-nothing clothes while she walks another neighbor’s dog. That should have gotten his attention but didn’t. Even the drastic measure of bending over and giving him a peek of her pink thong didn’t work. What is it with this guy anyway?

Oliver hasn’t missed one of Leilani’s tricks. In fact, he’d give anything to strip those few scraps of clothes off her body and get to know her better. Unfortunately, his thigh wound is giving him fits. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now he’s on disability leave from the police department while he heals. He has plenty of time to watch his sexy next-door neighbor go through her antics to gain his attention.

When Leilani takes drastic measures and pushes the issue, Oliver has no choice but to react. He no longer has the option of sitting back and watching, wishing she was his. The man is clever, though. She took the first step and now he’ll take the final one.

Dionne Galace has written a wonderfully funny and emotionally charged addition to the MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S STEAM series with her SKIN TO SKIN offering. As the reader, you sit back and watch these two characters as they assess one another. It’s almost like watching two combatants in an arena. You wait for one of them to make that pivotal move that’ll send them into physical combat. This one is definitely worth the wait.

SKIN TO SKIN is a must read and a keeper.

Thanks to Nickie Langdon for the very eloquent review. If you don’t believe me, you can check it out here. Heh.

Update: Jensen is tewtally straight, you guys.

Since I couldn’t be at the Con today—-I steadfastly refused to go till the last minute and when I finally relented, it was TOO LATE. SOLD OUT! story of my life, story of my life —-I felt I had to post this beautiful picture of this beautiful man. It was the least I could do.

My sister is there right now. I told her to get me an eyelash.

Why is it that every time I see a picture of Jensen Ackles, that Jackson Five song “All I do is Think of You” plays in my head?

I can’t wait to get to school each day
And wait for you to pass my way
(And bells start to ring) and angels start to sing
Hey that’s the girl for you (ooh, yeah)
So what are you gonna do (ooh, baby)
Hey little girl I love you so (I love you so)

All I do is think of you
Day and night that’s all I do (that’s all I do, baby)
I can’t get you off my mind
Think about you all the time, all the time

I begun to take the long way home
Just so I can be alone
(To think of how to say)
You’re fine in every way
Hey I’m in love with you (oh, I love you baby)
I think the world of you (ooh, yes I do)
Oh, won’t you please, please be mine

I’m such a cheeseball. Or a nine-year-old girl with a crush on Harry Potter.

These guys do snack reviews way better than I do, but I’m going to try anyway. My unfortunate monthly visitor has arrived and I was at Longs Drugs the other day buying some provisions when I spotted these. There is a reason I do my grocery-shopping online. I am a terrible impulse-buyer. And I have this odd tendency to buy things in bulk (for example, if I see SPAM, I will buy half a dozen of it. I don’t even like SPAM. But SPAM would be probably keep pretty well for a few months just in case I have to barricade myself in my house to keep out the zombies). Anyway. DAMN YOU, TANGENTS! I was at the store and spotted these damned Oreo Cakesters and I just had to buy them along with a 40-pack of o.b.

The Good: They’re really very moist. Tastes just like store-bought chocolate cake. The white cream part tastes just like the white cream part of an Oreo. This is how I usually eat my Oreos: I pry the two pieces apart, I lick the white cream part, then I stick the two pieces back together. My mother saw me doing this once and she thought it was disgusting. I always hated it when the cookie broke. The Cakester does NOT break when you try to pry it apart. It’s moore cooperative. Whatevs. Most importantly, it’s chocolate. Not as chocolatey as I wanted, but it did the trick. I should have bought the chocolate creme variety for comparison purposes. Maybe Nabisco will see this review and send me a free pack.

The Bad: Here’s the nutritional info. But fuck that. What I like about Oreos is the taste. This doesn’t taste like Oreos. They taste more like… you know Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies? Well, whatever the hell they add to make the cookies chewy… that’s what an Oreo Cakester tastes like. It tastes more like cheap store-bought cake than anything. It’s not very chocolatey, either. The most prevalent taste was the white cream part. And it’s too sweet.

ETA: Oh, I just remembered what they taste like. Hostess has these… I don’t remember what the fuck they’re called. Mooncakes? No, that can’t be right. That’s the stuff my Auntie used to serve on New Year’s. Anyway, Cakesters taste just like those except chocolatey (sort of). Moon Pie! They’re called mothafuckin’ Moon Pie!

The Verdict: I should have totally bought some Ding-dongs and Twinkies while I was out shopping for o.b. Oreo Cakester is just not as good as the original. I haven’t tried dunking it in milk, though, but I don’t know if that would improve the taste any. I do like the texture, however. It’s very moist. I think Nabisco would have had a winner if the Cakester actually tasted like Oreos. It’s kinda good, but ultimately unsatisfying. C+ for this one.

I’m gonna go grab me a popsicle and watch homosexual male porn. No, I’m not going to use the popsicle in a perverted manner. I’m going to eat it.

Here are the keywords people have typed into the Google search box and somehow brought those people to my site:

1) Erotic bareback short stories

I don’t offer any. I do have these nasty-ass perverted authors guest-blogging for me from time, so they might have some. Safety first, folks!

I INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH THIS BREAKING NEWS: Some WASPy blond-haired Jehova’s Witnesses decked out in Kathy Ireland’s latest fashions just banged on my door. When I only stared at them in stupefaction (what, my undisguised armor of patronizing contempt wasn’t enough of a deterrent? Did they think I was somebody’s Filipino housemaid? Is it not possible that a brown girl could own a goddamn beach house in San Diego?), they beamed amicably me and chirped, “Do you speak English?” I replied, “Absolutely not. Not a word. In fact, I learned what I am currently saying to you phonetically. Oh, and we’re atheists.” And slammed the door on their faces. FUCKING ASSHOLES. I did not, in fact, jump up and down, screaming “I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR OF AMERICAN NOVELS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH, YOU DETESTABLE WHORES!” They make me want to be racist and shit. Back to your regularly scheduled snarkage.

2. Cougars I would love to fuck

Wow, that’s specific. God, I hope this person means “rapacious and love-starved older women” and not actual cougars. I saw some at the zoo once and those damned things would tear you up with their claws and floss their incisors with your intestines.

3. Linda Carter Breasts

First of all, it’s LYNDA. Secondly, why would the search for Lynda Carter titties bring people to my site? Do I proclaim to be the purveyor of eight-year-old has-been Wonder Woman titties?

Which reminds me, is it Lynda Carter who is featured in the Sleep Number Bed infommercials or Lindsay Wagner? I get those two confused.

4. romance novel models love me forever

Hmmm… I would love it dearly if Nathan Kamp (who seriously looks like that one actor whose name I can’t remember and it’s not Tom Skeritt, but the poor-man’s Tom Skeritt and he’s often on Lifetime playing somebody’s abusive step-dad—- oh! and he’s the star of those Lean on Me rip-off movies and he’s not Treat Williams—- don’t you think I would know who motherfucking Treat Williams is? MOTHERFUCKING TOM BERENGER, that’s him! Oh, wow… he looks nothing like Nathan Kamp. Then who the hell was I thinking of? Huh.) loved me forever or if only for a night, but not those creepy CG models. Consequently, I just found myself in love with Nathan Kamp because of this picture. Goddamn it.

5. cover snark

All right, all right… I’ll get right back on the ball once I’m done with summer school. Sheesh!

And the winner of Joey W. Hill’s contest is… Nikki Hilton! (not to be confused with Nicky Hilton) Nikki, you get to pick any book in Ms. Hill’s backlist (print or digital) and we’ll send it to you, along with a pack of snarkalicious Ellora’s Cave playing cards. Woo-hoo!

And the winner of Marta Acosta’s contest, who will be sent a copy of Happy Hour at Casa Dracula AND Midnight Brunch, is… Amy S! Yay for you!!

Peeps, please email me your info and we’ll get you all squared out.

Have a great weekend, everyone!