… or a genius (have you read her books?). You decide. Oh, and if you leave a comment, you may win an ARC of Demon Night. Sure, you won’t get for, like, 2 months or something… but that’s still, like, 3 months before anyone else does. And believe me, you’d want one.
In this post, you’ll notice Meljean talks to herself a lot. A lot. She also likes italics.
Hi, I’m Meljean Brook. I’m not really a romance writer — I just play one in the blogosphere. So when bam asked me to guest blog [ed. note: Let the records show that I’ve been asking for months] , I had a moment of panic. You see, she’s had all of these great guests, with fantastic, funny, and often helpful posts. Authors who give great advice about writing. Authors with fantastic insight into their particular market, or their books, or life in general.
So I thought to myself: Self, you have to be insightful. You have to help people for once, instead of lazing around your own blog, writing posts that pretty much have nothing to do with anything except how dorky you are.
But then I was struck by a debilitating bout of self-doubt. Self, I said to myself, what have you to offer bam’s readers? What can you bring to her blog that is any different than what has come before? Your one accomplishment in life has been reading thousands of romances (and writing about five of them, big whoop.) What have you learned from that?
And so I created a list of everything I knew about romance, with the intention of finally, FINALLY giving back a little of what I have been given. At first, I thought I would be different from her other guests by varying the format, and offering my findings through an interpretive dance routine. The crook of my big toe would be the angst of a thousand tormented heroes — the bend of my elbow a Regency-era cross-dressing heroine’s lament when she finds her daddy has gambled away her virtue to the duke (who is also a spy) — a pirouette the soaring moment of sensual perfection that is attained when worlds crash with the fiery cries of purple prose and shattered bodies and wet, screaming orgasms.
But I got a cramp.
Therefore I have compiled the wisdom of the ages into a video, designed to help those who are attempting to write their first romance novel. For the introductory price of $9.99 (or your soul, whatever you’d like to pay) you have Meljean Brook’s Five Easy Steps To Writing a Romance Novel.
(You will notice that none of the steps includes plot. My dear friends and fellow writers, that is because, before I wrote romance, I wrote fan fiction. Therefore, I say to you: Plot? What Plot?)
Meljean Brook is definitely certifiable… certiably adorable! If you follow her fool-proof plan and manage to land on the New York Times Best-Seller List, don’t forget to thank Meljean. Oh, and me. For putting up this blog post. And I prefer to receive my thanks via Paypal.
Last 5 posts by bam
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- Review: Kindred by Octavia Butler - September 6th, 2012
- Review: Dark Places by Gillian Flynn - August 13th, 2012
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