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Jackie Kessler Makes a List

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MAKE AUTHORS SQUIRM

10. “Were you on Oprah?”

9. “But what’s your *real* job?”

8. A certain librarian on Amazon who gives spoilers in her reviews of our books that she doesn’t seem to read.

7. Getting our titles changed. Yeah, publishers have final say. So it’s distinctly possible that even though you submitted the PERFECT title for your book, what winds up going on the cover is something very, very different. All we can do is pray to the title gods that they will be kind. And then we bribe our editors with chocolate and hope for the best.

6. “I have a great idea for a bestseller! I’ll give you the idea, and you write it, and we’ll split the profits.”

5. Stock art as cover images. On multiple books. By different authors.

4. Fan fic. Oh wow, my hero is in a…five-way?…with Harry Potter, Spike, Captain Kirk, and Elmo? Yikes.

3. “Will you read my brilliant manuscript and let me know what you think? I hope you don’t mind that it’s hand written. In crayon.”

2. Quarterly taxes. EEEEEEEK. As if I weren’t poor enough already…

1. Illegally downloading copies of our ebooks. If you want it for free, please, go to the library. Libraries actually buy the books from the publisher, so the author gets a percentage. If you download something illegally, it doesn’t count against our advance, our publisher gets persnickety, and it doesn’t help us meet our numbers. In other words, if you steal (yes, STEAL) a copy of our book, you’re hurting our chances of getting another book published. Please, I beg you: don’t steal. It’s a sin. And coming from someone who writes about demons, I should know.

Thanks, Jackie! Oh, and hey kids, comment on this post for a chance to win an ARC of Eternal Love. Maybe. When Jackie gets her author copies. In March or something. :)

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2008 at 4:47 am and is filed under Guest Author. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

30 Responses to “Jackie Kessler Makes a List”

  1. lightlyfell
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 7:27 am
    1

    Oh wow, I don’t have to feel guilty when I read an author’s book from a library anymore! That’s so awesome.

    Stealing is bad. Borrowing is good.

    I would LOVE a copy of “Eternal Lover”, all my favorite authors are in it.

  2. darragha
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 8:07 am
    2

    Fan fic. Oh wow, my hero is in a…five-way?…with Harry Potter, Spike, Captain Kirk, and Elmo? Yikes.

    Yes! Big Tom (The Orca King) in a five-way with Harry Potter, Spike, Captain Kirk, and Elmo! Someone…please write it now!

  3. Katie Ann
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 9:13 am
    3

    I’d probably have to slap my hands over my ears in a LALALALA! fashion to keep from hearing their great idea, because wouldn’t it suck if it really was good and now you couldn’t use it…

    I’ve certainly read plenty of TV fanfic, but for some reason fic based on books seems wrong. It’s just strange to experience the characters in the same format, but without the writing style you loved originally.

  4. Ashley V
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 9:42 am
    4

    Oooo you can count me in with anything having to do with Spike :D

  5. Wendy
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 11:13 am
    5

    But what’s your *real* job?

    Haha! You’ve actually been asked that??

  6. Teresa W.
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
    6

    Would love to get an ARC, this has some great authors. Would be a pleasure to receive!

  7. Kaitlin
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
    7

    Oy! I may not be published, but when people find out I write and that I write romances, the first question that usually pops out of their mouth is “Is the sex hot?” Or “How do you write the love scenes? Do you act them out first?” LOL! People are so ridiculous sometimes.

  8. MaryM
    Posted: Jan 12th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
    8

    Muahahaha! Love that list!! I’m pretty sure I know who the reviewer from #8 is, and I’ve often thought too she couldn’t possibly have read the same book that I did. And…yeah, seen that way, I completely understand her point about fanfiction. But I don’t think that will be enough to make me stop read it. I just NEED a Ranger fix when I’m in-between Janet Evanovich books :-D . And that makes me all the more eager the read the actual books.

  9. Stefanie D
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 3:29 am
    9

    Well, you can be certain that I don’t download any e-book! But since I don’t like to read e-books (I prefer to be able to hold my books in my hands) that isn’t too hard for my.

    I almost never borrow books in the library. Most of the time I buy them myself, because I love to watch all those books on my bookshelf.

  10. Lorelei James
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 6:50 am
    10

    Great list. I especially love #6 - and the “I’ve had such and interesting life you should write about ME and we’ll split the money.” Right. Their idea of interesting life and mine are NOT the same.

    #11 - should be “I’d like a copy of your book. When will you give it to me?” Ah. I don’t make any money if you don’t *buy* the book, bucko, and yes, these people with their hands out usually have plenty of cash to spare. Or I’m related to them.

    Stealing is wrong. Period.

  11. Ilona
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 10:07 am
    11

    I heartily agree with #1. I have always borrowed books from my local library if I have been unable to afford them.

    Besides how else is my library going to stay open without me going every two or three weeks to borrow my 20+ books? LOL

  12. Jackie
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 10:36 am
    12

    Hey, everyone!

    lightlyfell: Yes, libraries good, stealing bad! :)

    darragha: That one’s all yours, baby!

    Katie Ann: I’ve actually never read fan fic. Sure, when I was a kid I wrote stories using superheroes I read about in comics. But that’s it. I’m a sheltered gal.

    Ashley V: He is yummy, innit he?

    Wendy: Yep. I’ve also been asked, “How much money do you make?”

    Teresa W.: I agree about the authors! :D

    Kaitlin: Actually, my Loving Husband wants a t-shirt that says: “Happily Married To A Romance Writer”

    MaryM: Mmm. Ranger. :)

    Stefanie D: I hear you. In fact, I just bought three books the other day… (I am SO poor…)

    Lorelei James: Holy cats, you’re right! I should have had in there: “Of COURSE I can give you a free copy of my book so that you don’t have to pay for it and I don’t see any percentage go to offset my advance!” Heh.

    Ilona: LOL!

  13. Lorelie
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
    13

    Well you don’t have to worry. My manuscript’s not in crayon, it’s in electronic format. Of course I used twelve different fonts and a couple different colors. But only when it was necessary. For emphasis, you know?

  14. Nikki
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
    14

    But I thought Everybody wrote fantasies about Capt. Kirk. Throw Spock in there and you’ve got a great start.

  15. cathy M
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
    15

    Already have Eternal Lover on my wish list and would love to win a copy.

  16. DebiM
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
    16

    #12. When an author gives you a copy of their book, you should buy at least ( at the very least) another copy to donate to your local library and one to give to a friend. Spread the love folks!

  17. deemer
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
    17

    You forgot to add this prevalence of books to be resold for $.01 on ebay and Amazon, but with $4.00 for “Shipping and handling”.

  18. Tez Miller
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
    18

    There’s nothing I love more than free stuff, so I am so commenting now in blind hope ;-)

    Have a lovely day! :-)

  19. dan_phi
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
    19

    Nice little list, and chance to win a nice book, what’s not to like?

  20. Jambrea
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
    20

    What a wonderful post Jackie. I love the list.

  21. Bettie
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
    21

    Hee! Great list!

    My manuscript’s not in crayon, it’s in electronic format. Of course I used twelve different fonts and a couple different colors. But only when it was necessary. For emphasis, you know?

    Hee v 2.0!

  22. Shar
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
    22

    I probably wouldn’t mind trying some fanfic except for the possiblity of said foursome. Crossovers scare me. A lot. Maybe this is from my comic book past where every title gets crossover to another title so Marvel (or DC) can sell more titles. They rarely make sense. Though I think X-files with Supernatural would be hilarious, but I have a strange sense of humor. The odd thing is I rarely have watched X-files but still think it would be funny.

    I am all about supporting libraries! Bookstores and libraries rock my world!

    I am surprised that people who claim to be fans of author’s work actually download illegal ebooks because 1) How do you know it is the real thing? What if it is missing chapters or something? 2) why let other people who don’t care about the author make money by contributing by buying it from people who sell it? These people selling the illegal copies are probably the same ones who will justify stealing things from your house so think about it before you do it. (sorry..went into lecture mode after hearing various people tell me how it doesn’t really do any harm in the last couple of days)

    Do you actually have people turn in manuscripts in crayon? For real? Geez…
    I thought that only happened in college!

  23. Sarai
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
    23

    What is your real job? Yeah I got that the other day from the in-laws… only it was more like “you mean you want to do that for a living?”
    No I just said I wanted to write for grins and giggles thank you though for the support!
    I love the post Jackie! Can’t wait for the book to come out

  24. Pamk
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
    24

    yep stealing is stealing. Eternal lover sounds good

  25. Kaitlin
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
    25

    Hey, Bam. Here’s the world’s dumbest question for you. I thought you were having a contest for January. Am I just smoking crack or did I see one? See, it’s been one of those months. *eye roll*

  26. Kaitlin
    Posted: Jan 13th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
    26

    Oh…oh! I’ve got another one and this happened to me just today. I was at Starbuck’s writing and there was an older woman sitting next to me. I asked her what she was writing & she told me. She then asked me what I was doing and I told her about the new book I’m working on.

    She got this really weird look on her face and said “You’re too weird. I think I’ll move.” LOL! I was thinking to myself “Okay…I’m a writer you psycho.” :) It was really quite funny. :D

  27. Tyhitia
    Posted: Jan 14th, 2008 at 7:11 am
    27

    Oh, I love the list, Jackie! I didn’t know that about library books. Cool!:*)

  28. danette
    Posted: Jan 19th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
    28

    Had to laugh at the bribing for titles. I think you did an awesome bribe job,your titles are great. :)

  29. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Jan 19th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
    29

    Man, I love your number one. Seriously, seriously love it. And I agree wholeheartedly.

    PLUS if you write a lot with ebook pubs and you see a lot of your titles being bandied around illegally , it kind of makes you wonder if you shouldn’t devote more energy to the print spectrum of your writing.

  30. tami
    Posted: Jan 20th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
    30

    not sure if this contest is over, but if not, please enter me
    i love your writing!

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