March 2008 archive

Sibling Rivalry… From Hell!

Hmm… there are two possible plots for this book: 1) a rich man needs a nanny for his children and asks the pure, innocent, and childless sister of his Bitch!Skank!Whore! dead wife to help him out… and falls in love with her 2) a single mother working as a waitress in a restaurant meets a mysterious, handsome stranger who is secretly a billionaire taking a “vacation” from his real life and they fall in love and break up when she finds out HE LIED! about who he really is even though him being a billionaire means they can ship off her demonic kids to a boarding school in Siberia.

But wouldn’t it be awesome if the plot was actually this: Little Tommy is the troublemaker of the family, while little Tiffany is “Mommy’s Little Angel.” All Tommy wants is a little attention— Mommy’s always dressing up Tiffany in frilly little pink dresses, taking her to the doctor for her asthma, combing her hair and reading her Barbie stories at bedtime… while Tommy? Tommy gets told to clean his room and to please stop playing with matches and could he please stop trying to shave Mittens with Mommy’s favorite razor. Things were much better when Daddy was around. Daddy used to take him out to the woods and show him how to shoot squirrels with a pellet gun. And throw tree branches in the path of an oncoming skateboarder. Daddy was cool. At least until Mommy caught Daddy with their babysitter and chased him out of the house with a big knife.

And Mommy has less time for him now, especially since this big guy in a suit and a Ferrari started sniffing around her. Tiffany thinks he could be the New Daddy. Which would be cool… he’s tired of having only girls in the house. Of course that would mean he would have to share Mommy with another person. But if he got rid of Tiffany and the New Daddy, Tommy would get all the love and attention… and Mommy would love only him.

Thanks to my friend Sam for this deliciously evil cover.

Guilty Pleasure #2

Oh man, I am so going to lose my hipster cred for this. There are certain things I like ironically: Mannequin 2: On the Move, the song “We don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart, American Idol, talking like I was raised in the projects even though I grew up in what can be classified as an upper middle class suburban neighborhood surrounded by white people, the Anita Blake books (Karen’s voice in my head: Bitch, who you kiddin’? You love that skank like a fat kid loves cake!)… you get the picture. At least that’s what I tell people when they come upon me seriously rocking out to “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves. Or “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. Or… anything by the Pointer Sisters (up to and including “He’s so Shy”). I like to have my own movie montages in my head—oh, like you don’t. But here’s something I enjoy utterly and without irony (though I get embarrassed sometimes to admit it out loud): Songs That Tell a Story. Often they’re manipulative and designed to tug at your heartstrings. One of the biggest offenders, I think, is that fucker Kenny Chesney. His song, “Good Stuff” never fails to get me. Peep these lyrics:

I saw a black and white picture and HE caught my stare.
It was a pretty girl with bouffant hair.
He said, “That’s my Bonnie,
Taken ’bout a year after we were wed.”

He said, “Spent five years in the bottle,
When the cancer took her from me.
But I’ve been sober three years now,
‘Cause the one thing stronger than the whiskey…”


Bouffant hair

Oh noez! The Cancer! Alcoholism! A man saved from his sorrows by sentimental memories of a “brand-new shirt that says ‘I’m a Grampa'”! That same old man imparts wisdom to a younger man who got in a fight with his girlfriend ’cause that bitch was probably being too “mouthy” or something. “Drink milk and think about the time she gave you a blow-job while you were speeding down the highway in your souped-up pretty little 4-wheel drive with Toby Keith playing in the background, you little scamp!”

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Lorelie Brown’s Tarnished Angel, Pt 3

Lorelie Brown is a frequent commenter here at It’s Not Chick Porn and a good friend to our blog. In fact, you might remember her from her awesome entries into those writing contests I used to throw (and I will again, I promise, once I find the time… and the dough). When I asked her if she could oblige us with a novella and she gave me this one, I squee’d. So fun. So sexy.

If you haven’t already, please read chapters one and two.

Two years ago, Corrine McQuade was desperate to escape her father’s house. In a perfect world, she would have run to Adam Springton, handsome owner of the Gilded Angel saloon and the man she’d daydreamed about for years. Believing he saw her as only his sister’s best friend, Corrine struck out on her own, finding employment and creating the best life she could. Suddenly Adam is paying attention to her – the kind of attention that makes her skin tingle and heat and she’s tempted by a new chance at love.

But who ever heard of a happy ending for a whore?

Presenting the third chapter of Lorelie Brown’s Tarnished Angel

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Guilty Pleasure #1

This day started out just like any other day: I woke up early in the morning, fulfilled my daily 1000-word quota, then headed for the lake by my house for a jog. I was sitting in my car, enjoying the rush of endorphins coursing through my body courtesy of the so-called runner’s high, when it struck me: this totally intense craving for the most disgusting food item on the planet— Taco Bell’s Meximelt. I grabbed my bag of baby carrots and shoved about four or five into my mouth, but they didn’t help satiate the gnawing hunger I felt deep in my stomach. I couldn’t fight it. So it is today, with a heavy heart, that I proclaimed it The One Day of the Year When I Eat a Taco Bell Meximelt.

As I bit into the cheesy, gooey, fake-meat goodness, I could only feel shame… and hear the resounding voice of my mother in my head, “It will only go straight to your thighs!” And yet… I also feel slightly wicked. Like I’m doing something very bad… and it is awesome

I don’t normally eat fast food. Okay, that’s a TOTAL lie: I am a starving student AND writer— I can’t afford anything else but fast food. But I’ve always tried to avoid Taco Bell and have been successful in the past. The fake cheese, the just-add-water meat, the pathetically wilted lettuce-like things… oh so good. And disgusting. But one day of the year, I weaken—weaken, I tell you!— and indulge this dirty, dirty urge. Oh, the shame. Oh, the nutritional facts!

290 calories! 7 grams of fat! 16 grams of fat! If the 7 16 grams were cocaine, do you have any idea how much cocaine that is? Good thing it also comes with explosive diarrhea. That ought to fix things.

So, what food item is totally disgusting to you, but you can’t help but eat anyway?

[Source: Nutrion Data]

Introducing: Author Melissa Lopez

Behind the creation of Netherworld

I’m celebrating the recent release of my first novel titled Dark Sentinel a paranormal romance. And the launch of my series site Netherworld, the back drop for Dark Sentinel. While Netherworld offers a new romance with every installment it’s a dark, foreboding world. I mixed a little horror and urban fantasy elements into the series.

Sometimes authors have real clear ideas of what’s in store for their characters and worlds. Other times details come more slowly.

Netherworld sparked to life with a whispered word. Redemption. What’s necessary in the process of redeeming? What kind of act would redemption take? This led to my central concept. The forsaken. The forgotten. And with that concept I just knew I wanted a world with multi dimensional layers like that of the Dark-Hunter world of Sherrilyn Kenyon. I wanted a world I could build on and expand as the series unfolded.

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