Does This Beard Make Me Look Fat?

9 Aug

Nobody's Princess[Fake Blurb Alert!]

Ben Houston has always been a man’s man. He enjoys ice skating as much as the next guy, washes down his arugula and fennel salad with a pale ale after a hard day’s work, and absolutely adores the sensation of the sun kissing his golden tan skin while soaping up his Miata in his favorite macraméd jean shorts. So what if he would rather spend the day tending his prize-winning white orchids than go out with the cougar across the street who has been greedily eyeing him like he’s on the clearance table at Sephora? So what if the neighbors call him “swishy” and stick rainbow stickers all over his garage door while he’s at work? He knows what he likes and is sticking to it. He’s nobody’s princess!

No matter what the cost, she will have him…

Having grown up with brothers and the owner of a demolition company, Maya Rains is extremely familiar with all things male. But underneath the grimy hard hat, well-worn flannel, and dirty coveralls, she is all female… a female with needs… And the one man who could fill the gaping hole in her soul doesn’t even know she’s alive. From the moment she laid eyes on Ben Houston in his impeccable charcoal suit and kicky pink paisley tie, she knew she had to have him. Sure, her brothers snicker and call him “Princess Buttercup” behind his back, but Maya will not be deterred. She is sick of the sweaty, sleepless nights, and tossing and turning in her bed while thinking of Buttercup Ben’s cool blue eyes and neatly trimmed beard. Surely, he can hear the throbbing of her loins, pulsing like Taiko drums on a hot summer night. Her flower needs tending and the only gardener she needs is Ben…

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7 Responses to “Does This Beard Make Me Look Fat?”

  1. Meljean August 9, 2009 at 10:32 pm #

    Please do not leave us again.

  2. Heather (errantdreams) August 9, 2009 at 11:39 pm #

    Ohhh my. You really have a knack for closing lines. Love the Taiko reference!

  3. shuzluva August 10, 2009 at 1:28 pm #

    How’d he get lipstick ALL OVER HIS FACE? Huh? ‘Splain that! Oh, or did he just go overboard with the coverup, which he picked after his eyes had been dialated by the doctor?

    Oh, and the high pants? The fashion gods are crying for mercy.

  4. bam August 10, 2009 at 4:39 pm #

    @shuzluva Oh, I thought that was rosacea… you know, from the drinking.

    @meljean

    I’m the sunshine in your hair
    I’m the shadow on the ground
    I’m the whisper in the wind
    I’m your imaginary friend
    And I know I’m in your prayers
    Oh I’m already there

    @Heather Taiko is hot.

  5. Lorelie Brown August 10, 2009 at 5:27 pm #

    Oh, come on now, isn’t it a leetle early to be reusing Billy May’s early work?

  6. Kate Diamond August 18, 2009 at 7:23 am #

    “Surely, he can hear the throbbing of her loins, pulsing like Taiko drums on a hot summer night.”

    Delicious.

  7. Melissa Blue September 8, 2009 at 2:15 pm #

    Goodness, I needed this laugh today.