I was looking through the boxes of books that I hadn’t seen in years—I’m like Claudia Kishi from the Babysitter’s Club, only it’s books instead of junk food stashed in all sorts of hiding places—and came across a glutton’s trove of vintage Harlequin Presents. To a book junkie, this is like stumbling across a giant mound of cocaine and a naked Brandon Routh sprawled over a bear rug offering his washboard abs from which you could snort it with a diamond-encrusted platinum straw. Unless the book was dirty. And not just dusty. This particular book had spaghetti sauce stains on some of the pages—I may have bought this batch from the yard sale of a harangued mother with five children or Goodwill, I don’t know—and the name Elisa Harper scribbled on the back of the front page under This Book Belongs To. This book had a life before me! I hope whatever germs and other yucky things that have been living between the pages have died over the years from being in a box for so long. Damn it, that’s the problem with old books and library books. People don’t always wash their goddamned hands. And this one was published in 1980! Maybe Elisa Harper bought it from the swapmeet or AMVETS. Maybe it had four or five or six owners before me! I don’t really mind buying books from a used book store or a thrift shop, but I’ve never really thought about the other people who’ve touched the thing before I did. What if they were compulsive nose—nay, buttpickers? Gross.

OmgIhavetofindabottleofPurellrightnow. I feel so itchy now!

Enough of my neuroses, here’s the blurb.

She hadn’t even known his name…

As an inexperienced drama student, Clare had been shocked and disgusted by the sudden and rough lovemaking of Luke, an older, handsome stranger. She had turned away from love—for good.

Now, nine years later, Clare was a famous actress. She valued her friendship to Macey Janson, a leading playwright and producer, because Macey was willing to leave it at that—just friends.

But when chance suddenly thrust Luke back into Clare’s life, she faced a strange situation that was a threat to all her relationships.

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Bam:

Ghosts, magic and shapeshifters, oh my! If I keep repeating that phrase will I get through the books in time? First: that might have been the biggest box of books EVAR. Are you trying to make me go blind? Second: I am in the middle of busy season, but feel REALLY bad about not reviewing more often. Third: I am employing the lightning review technique used for the last box. Since there were so many books, I’d like to make sure I get through as many of them as possible, so everyone can share the love! Here we go again with Shuzluva’s Superfast Box Review!

Book: Heart Fate
Author: Robin D. Owens
Grade: D+

In Brief. The story of Tinne Holly and Lahsin Burdock is the 7th book in the HeartMates series by Ms. Owens. Clearly, I’m well behind the curve here since I haven’t read any of the previous books in the series. Lahsin is on the run from her husband as her powers are beginning to appear. She seeks shelter in a hidden corner of Druida City that can only be found by those truly in need. Tinne has just been forced to divorce his wife Genista and seeks refuge in the same hidden spot. Tinne knows that Lahsin is his HeartMate but can’t tell her for some reason that I wasn’t quite clear about, and I’m not spoiling anything here, because there is a list of characters and their relationships prior to the first page of the story.

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Let me start on a positive note: although I didn’t like this book, there were things I liked about Ms Tenorio’s writing. There is an energy to her prose that is appealing, and she is funny (always helpful when you write romantic comedies). However, for me, this book just didn’t work: the story was weak and I didn’t believe in the two main characters.

The Plot

Travis and Vetta are research scientists who have known each other since college. They are ‘best enemies’. You know the kind: they bicker and fight all the time but there’s a strong underlying friendship. They share lab space and have neighbouring apartments. Vetta is researching whether men are driven by sex or money and Travis is researching the effect of hormones on ovarian cancer.

Vetta comes from a phenomenally wealthy family. Her father owns a huge pharmaceutical company and her mother is a Swedish actress and all-round sexpot. Vetta lives with her ‘nanny’, Jade, a manipulative mother-hen. Travis, by contrast, comes from an ordinary background and has recently run out of research money.

At the start of the book, we learn that Vetta is gathering questionnaires from potential subjects. To annoy her, Travis submits one with snarky answers and obscene cartoons. We learn that Vetta intends to select a candidate from the questionnaire respondents and offer him a million dollars if he will agree to have no sex for a year. The candidate in question will have to give regular sperm samples and keep a diary.

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Grade: D+

My TBR pile is not in fact one single pile but lots of little piles. Amongst others, I have an “immediate TBR” pile of books I’m dying to read, a “worthy TBR” pile of books I feel I should read and “suck-it-and-see TBR” pile of books I’ve picked up without knowing who the author is just to see what they’re like. Manhandling, by Karen Anders was in my suck-it-and-see pile. I obviously bought it (oooh - two years ago!) cos it was a ’special price’ book but have never gotten round to reading it. Till now.

The Cover

….is dark. Not atmospheric-dark. Not deep-and-angsty dark. Just so fucking dark that I can’t actually make anything out except the weird green streak in the female model’s hair.

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Grade: D

Jane at Dear Author did a post recently ‘coming out’ as a lover of category romance. It was one of those posts that hit a nerve, generating a lot of comments. Readers were falling over themselves (myself included) to ‘fess up and wax lyrical over their favourite authors.

I’ve got about 20 Harlequins on my Keeper Shelf. Most of these are great books but a few are the equivalent emotional porn. Cheap thrills with no troublesome character development to hold up the action. Give me immediate angst, an alpha hero acting like a cockhead and a huge grovelling apology at the end and I’m in heaven.

An author who does this well is Julia James. In the past, I’ve liked her books, but her latest offering, Bedded, or Wedded? is disappointing to say the least.

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