There are spoilers.

Whenever I’m about to read a J.R. Ward book, I like to put on some mood music, particularly what the kids call a “rap” song called Pimp of the Year by a genius named Dru Down. I can always count on a sexy, fun, hot time when reading a Black Dagger Brotherhood novel. If the hero and heroine get naked and dirty with each other and I start hyperventilating? If the evil nasty things called lessers are planning something insidious and gross against our protagonists and our heroes know nothing about it? If I would ever find out who those ghost-hunting buffoons are and what they have to do with the Brotherhood mythology? If the massively muscled, ridiculously handsome tattooed and pierced bois wearing designer suits worth more than my annual salary start looking at each other in a funny way and think about grinding their pelvises together? If John Matthew and Beth (who are supposed to be siblings) manage to bump into each other in this massive house and spend two minutes together and maybe just say, “Hey, what’s doin’?” to each other? These are the reasons I always have a portable electric fan on hand and my cell phone within reach so my BFF Shuzluva and I can text each other our favorite passages while giggling and swooning at the same time. It’s harder than it sounds, I assure you. Have you ever tried typing a multi-sentence text message while on the verge of passing out from over-excitement? So I was very excited to finally get my hands on this book? Because John Matthew and Xhex were my favorite characters? And I wanted to see if John Matthew was somehow going to get his voice back? And if Qhuinn and Blaylock would get drunk and make out and have dirty sex on the floor of a bar’s restroom? I was mostly wondering how Xhex and John Matthew’s story was going to play out? If it will have a similar feel to Zsadist and Bella’s story? Because Bella was kidnapped by lessers in that one and Zsadist spends a significant time in the book trying to find her? Like John Matthew does for Xhex in this book? And do we finally find out why JM keeps getting those damn seizures? Am I going to keep talking like this?

Maybe?

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Jackie Kessler is a good writer. All the time I was reading The Road to Hell, I was thinking I hope she writes something else soon. However, this particular book wasn’t for me.

It’s not hugely surprising that it didn’t appeal to me. I’m not much of an urban fantasy fan and I’m really not keen on the sort of dry, arch first person POV employed by the heroine, so it was always going to be an uphill struggle for Kessler to win me over. Having said that, I have no doubt that there are lots of urban fantasy fans out there who will love Jesse’s voice. (Bam, for one, liked the first book in this series.

Before I get onto the reasons why I didn’t like The Road to Hell, let me indulge myself with a couple of examples of Kessler’s rather gorgeous prose, like this bit of the prologue:

As I die now, feeling strong arms holding me tight, hearing a voice whisper it’s okay, my mind plays back the events that set me on the road to Hell, good intentions and all. Faces flash behind my closed eyes, almost too fast to follow - the incubus’s fang-filled grin, the Erinyes hissing with reptilian fury, the angel crying fat, salty tears. My love, my White Knight, a name on his lips that isn’t mine…

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Grade: B+

Hello, kids. It is Ai and I’m back. Heh. I’m so funny. Or I somehow got Bam’s cold thru the internets and I’ve been chugging down NyQuil non-stop. Anyway, I was stuck in bed all day yesterday, so it was a good thing I had Charlaine Harris’ book to keep me company— especially since I refused to turn on the teevee in fear of hearing more about HRC’s delusions of actually beating Barry to become the Democratic… no. I won’t talk about it anymore. I haven’t been happy with the last books, mostly because I didn’t like Sookie Stackhouse’s new boyfriend, Quinn, and I sincerely thought Sookie was turning into some icky Merry Gentry clone, what with her menagerie of men and all, but this book made me realize that Sookie would probably think Merry Gentry is pretty gross, too. I was quite happy with the story developments presented in this contribution to the series, especially since I approve of Sookie’s love interest — and you can always tell who would be Sookie’s love interest by looking at the front cover and hey, it’s a vampire and there isn’t a hint of a tiger’s tail… YES! — and I really like how Sookie is developing as a person. The only thing that didn’t make this an A for me is that the book felt bloated with characters. There are so many people in this book— I know that part of this series’ charm is the citizens of Bon Temps— that the constant revolving door of folks wanting to talk to Sookie or assaulting Sookie drove me a little crazy. Poor Sookie didn’t have a second to herself. My favorite part: ERIC-love galore! Oh, and the Redemption of Bill Compton. Maybe.

Oh, and spoilers abound in this review.

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Grade: C+

A few folks have emailed me asking me if I was going to review this book and here it is. Rejoice! If you’re expecting a rant where I totally lose my shit and promise never to read LKH again, you’re reading the wrong review. I don’t know if I’ve become immune to the ardeur or Anita’s many lovers or the editorial mistakes (there’s a HUGE one on page 238 that is an ENORMOUS CONTINUITY ERROR and makes a total liar of the earlier books of the series— but I was told this was merely a typo), but… you know, I did not experience frothing at the mouth while reading this entry to the Anita Blake series. My main reaction? Meh. For those of you who have read my LKH reviews, that’s a BIG improvement from “ZOMGWTFBBQ I HATE YOU LKH I WILL NEVER READ YOU AGAIN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS I HATE YOU AND I HATE YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!1111!!” What I will tell you is how much I dreaded reading this book (though I pre-ordered it 8 months in advance— I’m sick, I need help) because I heard rumors that my favorite ice-cold sociopath Edward is going to be in it (he is!) and was afraid this is the book in which Anita and Edward will consummate their friendship (and let’s face it, Edward is the only hold-over from the earlier books that Anita has not yet had sex with or shoved out of her life). Let me just ease your mind (SPOILER!) and say… they don’t. There. Now you can breathe. As for the rest of the book… Meh. I was bored by all the politics and the sex and the standing-around-discussing-how-cool-Anita-is (and couldn’t be arsed enough to pay attention, so I may have one or fifty factual errors in this post), but for the first time since Narcissus in Chains, I am seeing the light of the end of the tunnel. It’s a very, very tiny, faint light… but it’s there! I mean, this book didn’t make me stick a knife into my eye or anything. You guys, I think the Anita Blake we knew and loved might be coming back…

Yes, I’m sick. I need help.

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Grade: B-

I told myself I was going to stop buy the Sookie Stackhouse books in hard cover, but the second this book became available on pre-order at Amazon, I was right on it. I’m such a sucker. I have to admit that I rushed to buy it as soon as I saw the cover. That’s Eric, my favorite cool-as-ice Viking vampire, on the cover. With Sookie! And they’re flying! I was a little hesitant about reading this book because I was so disappointed with the last one in the series, which focused on Sookie’s developing relationship with the were-tiger Quinn (who, frankly, reminded me of a bald Joey Lawrence— who shaved his hair clean off for Dancing With the Stars) and I didn’t like him very much. Thankfully, there was a lot of good stuff in this book for us Sookie-Eric shippers and Quinn— wow, I didn’t mind him so much this time around. Weird. I still wish he’d die already ’cause I suspect a whole Morelli-Ranger thing developing for the future books, but hey, that wasn’t even my biggest problem with this book. A lot of stuff happens— I mean A LOT— and most of the time, I had no idea what was happening! There are some crazy-ass vampire politics going on in this one that will rival anything in the Anita Blake books or even Anne Rice. And frankly, I skimmmed through A LOT of it. And the ending was totally “meh”. Oh, and uh… there may be some spoilers in this review.

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