Here’s a cover that had me staring at it for ten minutes. I was convinced it was a girl at first, but then I thought Silhouette Desire wouldn’t put a topless chick on their cover! As cute as this boy is, however, I don’t buy him as a cowboy. He looks like Abercrombie & Fitch’s idea of a cowboy, but I bet this bitch has never shoveled hay in his entire life. I bet he gets manicures and shit. Just check out how white is Stetson is. Uh… hello! No room for ambiguity. I think they should have given him a black Stetson so we could pretend he’s kind of a bad guy that is redeemed by a… sassy cowgirl or something. I’m a little jealous of his hips, though. They’re almost as wide as his belt buckle. This is one lean man. I like a dude with a little more meat on his bones. Not fat, mind you (no fatties!), but… hefty. A man who works out and stuff, but doesn’t mind eating a big fat steak and downing a forty afterward. Dude looks like he’s allergic to carbs and nibbles daintily on salads. He don’t look like the type who can scarf down a Carl’s Jr Six Dollar Burger (if it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face). I bet he’s the kind of date who’d glare at you if you ordered curly fries with your burger. I’d still let him stick it in, though… but just the tip. Then he can go home.

[fake blurb alert!]

A Girl With a Dream
Mindy Jones is an Internet entertainer. That means she takes off her clothes and jiggles her goodies in front of a webcam for any fat geek with a credit card. A former prom queen and the most popular girl in school, Mindy’s charmed life took a downturn the day she graduated from high school. Ditching her high school sweetheart, Mindy moved to Hollywood with aspirations of becoming a soap opera star only to find out that the world won’t be kind to a pretty girl with nothing but a body for sinning and a saucy wink to her name. As it turns out, modeling and stripping aren’t the same thing. When she finds herself pregnant and abandoned by her boyfriend-slash-”manager”, Mindy decides to go back to her hometown to start over.

A Man in Pain
Hunter Tyler was head over heels in love with Mindy Jones, the most beautiful girl in school. He was ready to give her the world… until the day she walked out of his life. In his grief, Hunter moved to Chicago to become a cop. He was the best police officer the force had ever seen… until the day he was riddled with bullets while trying to save a house full of orphans from a Colombian drug cartel. Unable to let go of the Best Policeman Ever, the chief of police volunteers Hunter for the “Robocop” program. Though he appears to be a perfectly normal albeit ridiculously good-looking man on the outside, inside Hunter Tyler is an amalgamation of organic man-parts and cybernetic technology… a machine. A machine that no woman could ever love. On the run from government scientists who want to experiment on him and his own demons, Hunter returns to his hometown where he is now… the sheriff.

Brought Together by Fate and Circumstance
Mindy needs a father for her son. Hunter needs a wife as a part of his disguise. Both decide it will be a marriage in name only. But logic is a stranger to love and desire and Hunter realizes he still wants Mindy more than ever. Will Hunter be able to see his distrust for Mindy to love her again? Will a small-town life and a life with Hunter be enough for Mindy this time? Will the two of them fall in love even if it’s not… convenient?

You kids may thank the lovely Amber for this cover.

P.S. I swear to God, people, if you use the plot above (and please, feel free to do so for my amusement), you better give me credit.

[fake blurb alert!]

Meredith “Merry” Harris is a single mother. When she was younger, she had dreams of finding the perfect man who’ll sweep her off of her feet and take her away to his mansion on a gleaming white steed. That is, until she got pregnant at 18 and was forced to marry her high school boyfriend, who soon abandons for New York with dreams of becoming a Broadway superstar. In search of a man to take care of her and her son, Merry finds herself making one bad decision after the other until one day, she wakes up twenty-seven years old with four kids and employed as a waitress at a truckstop diner. Nevertheless, Merry has maintained her shiny-eyed optimism and never lost hope that she will one day find her knight in shining armor.

Enter Michael Mitchell. Tall, dark, handsome, and gloriously rich, Michael is the most eligible bachelor in all of Tuscaloosa. He’s almost blindingly perfect… except he can’t seem to keep a wife and people are starting to talk. One wife disappeared in the middle of the night and the other had the marriage annulled just a week after being Mrs. Mitchell. Just what is Michael’s deep dark secret? Why won’t women love him? Don’t grown-men who collect Victorian porcelain dolls need love, too? But just as Michael is ready to give up on life and love, he encounters Merry Harris, a bubbly, blond-haired, blue-eyed woman who serves him a piece of rhubarb pie one lonely rainy night. Conversation… and passion… ignite over a shared cup of coffee. Michael realizes that Merry just may be the one he’s looking for all of his life. But can he trust her with his secret? Could Merry be the third… and the last Mrs. Mitchell?

Y’all may thank the delicious Amber for this cover.

And here’s a cover that’s not even a cover yet. Eventually it will have Divine By Blood By PC Cast scrawled somewhere on it, probably the bottom. Or the top… cover artists can get wacky like that. And it will have a cover quote on it that says, “Best. Fucking. Book. Ever.” by Dionne Galace. Or not (but how cool would that be?). WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!? Heck, before this thing goes to print, the cover art guy may decide to slap a dude with huge-ass mantitty and a mullet. WHO KNOWS?!? But this is, like, a Luna book where it’s all about girl-power and shit, so this cover will probably remain the same.

The first thing I thought when I saw this thing was, “Wow, she totally looks like… Michelle Track Trachen… Buffy’s little sister, Dawn!” And also, Shannon from the previous book. Heeeeey… I think they used the same model. Well, if you read Divine By Choice, (SPOILER!) you’d know why that would make sense. Only she’s wearing a red toga instead of a white one (like Shannon’s), so… maybe she’s… evooooooool! Anyway, how cool would it be to have like… the power of fire? I bet she’s a hit with smokers. Like a hot guy would come up to her and say, “hey baby, you got a light?” and she’d snap her fingers… dude. Awesome. Divine by Blood… now with more centaur sex! And possibly arson and all sorts of heroine-finding-her-way stuff! Breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law!

I sooooo can’t wait to get an ARC of this book. *runs off to email PC Cast*

… and frankly, why shouldn’t you? I am a sexy, sexy beast. I am so sexy that I turn myself on. There are times when I gawk at myself in the mirror, amazed by own masculine beauty, and become so overcome with emotion that I tear open my foofy poet’s shirt and stare at my own gleaming pectorals, which my valet Simms, oil carefully each and every morning. I am sexy, admit it. I am making your girly-parts tingle as I speak. Don’t flip your hair haughtily at me, little girl. I am the master of hair-flipping. And I’d show you how to do it if my valet hadn’t twisted my manly tresses into what he called “dread locks”. He says they are the latest in manly fashion. Frankly, they make my neck and face itch, but what do I know about fashion? Real men don’t bother with such things!

Do you see what it is I carry in my hand? Yes, it’s a book. Yes, I read. Why do look at me with… YES, IT HAS THINGS WRITTEN ON IT! Do you think I carry it around as mere prop? What purpose would that serve? Everyone knows females prefer a man with tight, tight buttocks and a chin that could crush walnuts over a man who could read. And I do like to read, thank you very much. I’ll have you know that I am a scholar, an avid admirer of Kier Keerkeg Niet Neetchee books. You see the many books I have? I like books. Yes, Real Men like books too!

Ah, yes, my darling… you will yield to me, won’t you? Already I am making you moist with my sleepy bedroom gaze alone… no, I’m not sleepy, that’s just the way my eyes are! It’s sexy, no? Yes. YES IT IS. Oh, what do you know about sexy, you silly females! Get out of here and leave me alone!