Forget him, Selah March. He’s mine… all mine. He’s ttttttttasty-tasty. He’s Jensenlicious. He’s mantastic. Stay back. Seriously, bitches. Don’t make me have to get all violent up in this mug. I know karate. I ain’t afraid to throw down. Genuflect and worship.

Yes, he grew up into a beautiful, beautiful man, but once he was also a too-pretty-for-words boy. I just love the “I’m dead inside, please bring me back to life” look in his eyes, don’t you? He was the emo boy of all emo boys. Enjoy.

[img source ChristianBaleFan.Org]

Wow… this is going to be the easiest list ever. Watch me do it in two minutes. And ’cause I have to finish my homework.

1. Ben Jelen - I love his emo boy music. And his hippy long hair. And how pretty he is. I can listen to Come on a million times a day. Screw you, Shuzluva!
2. Brandon Routh - My Superman. I liked that his bulge sparked a speculation whether the film company had to spend mucho dollars digitally altering his lunchbox
3. Justin Hartley - ’cause damn, he looks good in green leather. Oh, and he was Aquaman. And Nicholas Foxworthy Crane on Passions!
4. Eric Bana - ’cause dude looks at you like he wants to kill you even when he’s saying “I love you”. His post-traumatic stress breakdown while humping his wife in Munich. Hawtness!
5. Ryan Reynolds - He was the only person who made Blade: Trinity remotely bearable. With hot abs and a sharp sense of humor. Did I mention the killer abs? I think you can actually grate cheese on that thing. Not that I would. Probably.
6. Chris Evans - Flame on!
7. Christian Bale - Let’s see: American Psycho, Equilibrium, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (And I’m probably the only person who saw that). Oh, and he’s Batman!
8. Daniel Craig - Have y’all not seen L4YERCAKE? Dude is just plain cool.
9. Takeshi Kaneshiro - I loved his swishy leather duster in that crappy movie The Returner. And he’s so pretty… so pretty… my preciousssss
10. Nathan Fillion - Cap’n Tightpants. ‘Nuff said.
11. Tom Welling - He’s ridiculously good-looking, earnest, and… there’s just something… “aw shucks” about him.
12. Gary Dourdan - His unresolved sexual tension with Nicky on CSI has fueled many, many fantasies
13. Russell Wong (say, about 10 years ago) - um… There’s this scene in Prophecy 2 (terrible movie) where he’s perched naked on a headboard watching over that chick from Flashdance after he’s made sweet, sweet love to her… aw… goodness.

Oh, and this is purely for May’s benefit and May’s benefit alone… I broke the rule! FOR YOU!
14. Scott Speedman - He’ll always be Ben from Felicity to me.

…in his pants!

From Cinematical:

Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana have inked deals to co-star in The Time Traveler’s Wife, a science-fiction love story based on the best-selling novel by Audrey Niffenegger. Bana will play Henry De Tamble, a librarian with a genetic disorder that causes him to shift back and forth through time. During his journeys through time, he meets and falls in love with Clare Abshire, a young heiress. Robert Schwentke, who most recently directed the Jodie Foster disappointment Flightplan, will take the reigns with a script by Jeremy Leven. Variety notes that a rewrite is currently being penned by Bruce Joel Rubin, who successfully combined high-concept and romance once before, with Ghost.

Shooting is scheduled to begin in August, with production duties being handled by Brad Pitt and Nick Wechsler, who is also producing the forthcoming Reservation Road and We Own the Night, and recently came off The Fountain, which Pitt famously backed out of after of a long engagement. The Variety story notes that McAdams has been dancing around this project ever since it was first snapped up by New Line in 2003. She’s since starred in New Line hits Wedding Crashers and The Notebook, so the part was probably hers to lose. Next up for McAdams is The Return, a story of soldiers rotating back to the world from Iraq. Bana’s next high-profile project is The Other Boleyn Girl, in which he plays King Henry VIII.

I was “meh” over The Time-Traveler’s Wife. I only read it because a persistent girlfriend was like, “You like romance novels! You have to read it!” Pfft. I couldn’t get into it because I thought the premise was ridiculous. For weeks, I couldn’t stop joking about it. “Man, I wish I had a genetic disorder that caused me to shift back and forth through time.” Anyway, [spoiler!] the ending was a downer and it made me depressed and shit for a week. Stupid book. Speaking of shit that made me cry, the female lead of the movie adaptation of TTTW is none other than Rachel McAdams, who also starred in the shit-tastic, The Notebook. Yay. I like her. And Eric Bana. Mmm. Eric Bana. Yum. I don’t know if I can watch this movie, though. EB has this… whole quiet intensity thing that totally slayed me in Munich. Combined with the earnestness and tortured chasing-love-through-the-corridors- of-time premise of this movie, I might end up sticking my head in an oven afterward. The book had no sense of humor whatsoever… but maybe they’ll give it a happy Hollywood ending that makes ZERO SENSE. Awesome.

Unless I receive word that EB is gonna be butt-nekkid and doing the sprinkler dance (see below) in it, I don’t know if I’d want to see it. *sigh*
(more…)

Once upon a time, when I was a young girl of twenty, I dated only musicians. And poets! There was one boy in particular whose name was Casey who played bass for a band called Dead Sea Monkeys. They played emo sad boy music. And they were terrible. But they were all so pretty. And Casey was the prettiest with his long brown hair and blue eyes. And he never had any money. Not even for coffee. And he was always crashing at other people’s apartments. And whatever money he had, he spent on pot. But he was so pretty. And he wrote me poetry. And boy, he could kiss. Mem… ries… Like the corners of my mind… Misty water-colored memories… Of the way we were… I wonder what ever happened to him.

Anyway, here’s a nice picture of Ben Jelen in a hammock. Mmm… hammocks. I wonder how hard it would be to do it in a hammock. I bet it’s balancing act or someone — particularly me — is bound to fall off and break her head open. Man, he totally looks like Billy Crudup in Almost Famous. “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” If you squint, you could totally see his balls. Just kidding. I tried really, really hard and I couldn’t see anything.

And for those who don’t like dirty, hairy hippy boys, there’s this. Looking all emo and sad ’cause you won’t believe in him and his music. Damn you!